Everything is horrible

[Helen33]

I just need to moan and let off my fear and a bit of panic. I am really not well. I have had to cancel all my clients today and probably will have to for the rest of the week because I can hardly breath and I am so congested. It feels like really bad hayfever but it's that virus

I have had no patience with Alan today and I have ended up with my head in my hands at the desperation of it all. Alan doesn't seem able to do the simplest thing and yet he is trying to do things for me all the time now that I'm not well. His trying makes me more work and I can hardly function as it is. I have ended up shouting at him and it feels like hundreds of steps backwards. Me being ill makes me realise again just what I do to hold everything together.

For those of you who are dealing with enormously stressful situations on a daily basis, please forgive me. At times like these I feel I just need to shut everything off and recover.

Love

 

[sue38]

Helen,

I am always berating my Mum for shouting at my Dad and telling her to have more patience. The other day she asked me to call round when I wasn't well and I was really sharp with my Dad. I just didn't have the energy to be patient with him. I could walk away after a few hours, but I can imagine if I was there 24/7 I would lose it big time.

I know it's not really his fault, but when I'm ill/tired I can't help feeling that he's just doing it to wind me up!

Don't be so hard on yourself. Chances are that when you're feeling better Alan will have forgotten that you shouted.

Is Alan still having his procedure tomorrow?

 

[Grannie G]

Oh Helen

You have always been so positive and tried so hard to do everything for the best. It has taken a virus to knock you down.

I`m afraid something like this, something that affects your emotional and physical strength, does bring you down to earth and make you realize just how much you are holding things together.

Is there anyone who can give you some help? Go out with Alan or an hour or two?

I do hope you are able to fight the infection. You are fit and healthy by the sounds of things so should be able to fight it off. Sadly, whilst you do, the effects are depressing.

I wish you well Helen.

Love xx

 

[BeckyJan]

Helen:

I cannot add anything more but just to say I do totally understand - try not to worry too much - time will pass and things will get back to 'near normal' again.

IF things get really bad, get phoning (or a friend to phone for you) - GP - MHT - SS - whoever it takes.

Thinking about you. I know if I was ill David would just have to go into care (you bring it home to me me).

Love Jan

 

[Helen33]

Thanks Sue, Sylvia and Jan

You are all so kind. It's times like these when I realise I've no one to call on for help if I need it. I'm sure we'll get by but it's not as good here as usual. I have to keep saying to myself it's a virus and you are right, I will recover in no time because I'm fit and healthy. Alan has had this virus before me and I don't think he's recovered from it because his understanding of instruction seems far more impaired. So put the two things together and it helps me to understand why things are a bit dire.

Thanks for your support, I appreciate it.

Love

 

[Helen33]

Hi Sue

I forgot to say that Alan's op is supposed to be Thursday morning but unless things improve (his coughing and my ability to get him there) then I will have to ring them to rearrange.

Can't think about it today, it will just have to wait for tomorrow.

Love

 

[christine_batch]

Dear Helen,

It is only when a Carer is ill themselves, reality hits in big time. Who will care for the Carer?

Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Love from
Christine

 

[Jane.B]

Helen,
my thoughts are with you, I always have the consellation that when I've shouted at Rupert he won't remember, and I've not been ill only a bit tired.

 

[gigi]

Dear Helen,

I'm sorry you're feeling rough..

It really does hit hard because all you want to do is rest and recover..and you can't...

You've always been so upbeat ..and you will be again...give it time..

Perhaps you will learn...(as I have...)..to take shortcuts when necessary..ready meals..ignore the housework....whatever short cuts fit in with you both to make life easier.

I do think that although it may be a virus..the air quality just now is hideous..I'm struggling with throat/eyes/ears..and hayfever can have a systemic effect..making you feel flu like.

Take a Piriton at bed-time....

Love gigi xx

 

[Helen33]

Thank you everyone

I miss being on TP but feel too ill to do anything. To finish things off my tooth broke tonight (near the back) and today I cancelled a routine appointment because I wasn't well enough
Normally I'd be fretting about my tooth but I'm just letting it pass cos I haven't the energy. S-d's law about the tooth though!

Love

 

[Skye]

Dear helen, just caught up with your thread.

I'm sorry you're feeling so awful, it's the pits when you're feeling ill and the person you're caring for wants to help but can't work out how.

Don't feel bad about losing your patience, we've all done it, and we've all felt awful afterwards. But Alan won't remember, and once you're back on form, thing will soon return to 'normal'.

Just rest as much as you can, take all the shortcuts you can. You are the priority just new.

Love,

 

[Christinec]

Hi Helen,
I think you are dealing with an enormously stressful situation every day and having read many of your posts you do this very positively and lovingly.

Please do not feel that you are being bad to your husband. You are ill and doing your very best even though you should be having time to recover. If you do not feel better please phone everyone you can think of or even better as someone else suggested get a friend to phone - Care manager, social worker (duty officer if you do not have a sw), GP , CPN, Crossroads, Princess Trust and Alzheimers Society and say you need help now.

I really think you have nothing to feel bad about and hope you feel better soon but if not you need to ask for help to allow you to recover. At the very least you need to get the GP/NHS24 out to see you as you are a carer and need any treatment available quickly to help you get better as soon as you can.

XX

 

[Taffy]

Dear Helen,

I do sympathize with you and hope that your feeling well again really soon.

Caring Thoughts, Taffy.