hello Maisieb
your Council may well be correct in that YOU cannot claim a CT discount as you are your husband's spouse, living in the same property - that's how it is in my Local Authority (LA)
HOWEVER - you can apply on behalf of your husband for his CT to be disregarded so that you are charged as a single person ie 25% reduction - you need to search on your LA's website (or call them) for the form for a reduction due to Mental Impairment - your husband may need to be in receipt of Attendance Allowance as well as have a diagnosis for him to be eligible
if this is already in place, there's no more discount you can receive
I'm not sure why you won't claim Carer's Allowance - if you are eligible, please do apply as it will give you some income
https://www.gov.uk/carers-allowance
if your husband isn't yet in receipt of Attendance Allowance, do apply for that - AgeUK can help with filling in the forms, they do this a lot - it's not means tested, so if your husband qualifies, he will receive it
https://www.gov.uk/attendance-allowance
I'm afraid, as marionq says, it's time to be a bit more active about dealing with your husband's dressing - as soon as he's taken off that day's clothes to get into his pjs, spirit them away (with dad I had a laundry basket in his bedroom and clothes went straight in there, so out of his sight) - I did used to lay his clean clothes out for him, in the order he needed to put them on, and that worked for a while - then I had to hand him each item, and help him with the tricky bits eg buttons - having a home care visit so that a carer then took over the helping was a real boon
dad became very uncertain of the shower - it turned out 2 things were going on -
1) he had forgotten the procedure ie the order he had to do things in, so I just happened to be around when he went for a pee in the morning and helped him out with the shower
2) he did not like getting the water anywhere near his face, so washing his hair under the shower was not going to happen, and the worry meant that he was reluctant to get in the shower - so I helped him by holding the shower head and having a towel ready just in case any water splashed upwards
he also became unsteady, so I had grab rails put in and he was a lot happier then - eventually a shower seat was needed - I also realised I'd made a bit of a mistake having the bathroom all white, as he then couldn't easily distinguish what was where - the handrails had colour on them, so they stood out for him
at times he didn't want to shower at all, but as his bathroom was lovely and warm, he was happy to have a good wash at the sink, using flannels - it's what he had done as a kid, so seemed quite natural to him - sometimes I took a bowl into his bedroom as he felt happier with carpet under his feet and being able to sit on the bed or a chair - as long as he had a decent wash a couple of times a week, I was happy, as that kept him pretty clean overall - this idea of showering every day is pretty new, we can get away with much less
I did realise that his feet were being missed, so gave him a footbath once a week, while he sat watching TV; he enjoyed that - I took him to a chiropodist to get his nails cut