Mum has finally been diagnosed Alz. after 10 months of me pushing for an answer, things are rapidly going downhill and each day I think is this the disease, her playing me up or just plain lazy. This past week or two, I've wondered to her washing properly, so tonight I've hovered outside the door. Despite 3 gentle reminders, is the water warm enough for you to wash? have you a clean towel to wash with etc, finally I asked a straight question and she assures me she has washed. She's now gone to bed without running a drop of water, no cleaning of teeth and blatantly lying to me, wearing a wet pad etc etc. Is this a normal 'brain says she's washed so she's washed' or is it just being lazy and dirty which was never her?
Personal hygiene, or not....
- Thread starter pinkwizard1
- Start date
Hi Pinkwizard, as you say this is not your Mum, my oh is not too keen on washing etc, and this was never him, Ithink it take so much effort to do the usual things now, that it is easier to put it off, the less he does the better, and that certainly was never him, he used to always be on the go and always very clean and tidy, but now exactly the opposite, which is not the man I married, he even wants to go to sleep some nights in his day clothes, (sometimes I just give in, as cannot always face the battle), which then makes me feel lazy, but just get so tired with it all.
What matters is that she doesn't smell or get sore, some times of day she may be more receptive than others, try getting her into a shower or bath early in the day, run the water or turn the shower on. Don't stress about the reason she doesn't wash just find a way to get her wet once a day. Good luck.
I think this is the answer.
I think maybe the time has come for more "hands on" assistance.
Sorry
I can't tell you why it is, but I can tell you that personal hygiene problems and a resistance to washing are very common! And, quite honestly, I can understand it. When I'm all cozy and warm in my clothes, I sometimes find myself thinking how nice it would be to just go to bed in them, without bothering to change or wash! Just crawl into the nice warm bed, in my nice warm clothes! 
The only suggestions I can make are: it's time to start actually helping your mum. She may not know how anymore, but says it's done because you expect her to do it? Also, have the bathroom way warmer than you think it needs to be - my husband used to feel cold, and I finally had the bathroom at 24C before his bath! Unpleasant for me and the Care Assistant, but cooler than that and he started shivering. Soft towels, clean clothes waiting. Scented products. All can help. Good luck.
Of course, sometimes nothing will persuade the person to wash or change their clothes. All you can do is try.
The only suggestions I can make are: it's time to start actually helping your mum. She may not know how anymore, but says it's done because you expect her to do it? Also, have the bathroom way warmer than you think it needs to be - my husband used to feel cold, and I finally had the bathroom at 24C before his bath! Unpleasant for me and the Care Assistant, but cooler than that and he started shivering. Soft towels, clean clothes waiting. Scented products. All can help. Good luck.
Of course, sometimes nothing will persuade the person to wash or change their clothes. All you can do is try.
Thanks everyone, sounds like it's time for daily carers. Thing is I just don't know what to expect, the decline is happening almost daily
Hi pinkwizard1
My OH is the same where washing showering or changing of clothes is involved Ive suggested often that we are going out blah blah think you should get your shower this evening so we don't end up rushing to catch the bus etc sometimes it works, sometimes being the operative word. I don't think any if us know what to expect from day to day sometimes it seems a flat plateau then a steep incline and bump we end up on our backsides wondering what hit us. Day at a time now and hope for the best is my motto. Sorry its not an answer but its the only way I keep sane these days
This is an ongoing issue with mum..she hasn't had a bath for four years, she is still topping and tailing..and does clean her teeth, i make sure tooth brushes and paste are out, and i gave put face wet wipes,and larger bath wipes..by her bed and by sink..she does seem to be using those, oddly downstairs she will wipe her face quite a few times with a dishcloth while I am there..first I tried putting a nice clean flannel there..but she folded them up and put them by front door.
Now I just make sure I change the dishclothe,and make sure its on her shelf by sink.with a note that it's faceclothe..hoping she doesn't use the floor clothe she leaves on the drainer.
It is a struggle with her hair,which at last she let me cut..it was getting so ling and she just saying she was growing it..sad as she was a stickler for having her hair done nicely etc,now I have to convince her she asked me to do it..etc..still she mostly says no...i suppose the self interest goes,she would never be seen without makeup or hair curled etc..now she doesn't even have a thought about how she looks,or if she has washed etc
Now I just make sure I change the dishclothe,and make sure its on her shelf by sink.with a note that it's faceclothe..hoping she doesn't use the floor clothe she leaves on the drainer.
It is a struggle with her hair,which at last she let me cut..it was getting so ling and she just saying she was growing it..sad as she was a stickler for having her hair done nicely etc,now I have to convince her she asked me to do it..etc..still she mostly says no...i suppose the self interest goes,she would never be seen without makeup or hair curled etc..now she doesn't even have a thought about how she looks,or if she has washed etc
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I would agree with everyone's comments here. It's part of the disease. Today for the first time I have had people in to get her up... Such a relief that I only have to worry about bedtime now. Last week she went to bed in her cardigan (nothing else!) because I left her nightie on the radiator to warm up and she did not see it and did not know where her nighties were kept. At least she took off her clothes I suppose. Unfortunately she needs supervising now for teeth cleaning, washing, clothes changing and she does not do it willingly. She goes into day care three days a week and they have a visiting hairdresser; I get the hairdresser to wash (and periodically cut) mum's hair as third parties seem to get less resistance than me.
My husband likes to be washed, shaved and have his teeth brushed but left to himself it would be a dogs breakfast. I am part of this routine every morning making sure temperature of water, clean towels and clothes, correct use of toothpaste, shampoo, shaving cream etc are all happening.
However I am now 73 and well aware that each year it will get harder. I couldn’t live with a stinky person so I will be looking for morning carers when I can’t do it any more.
However I am now 73 and well aware that each year it will get harder. I couldn’t live with a stinky person so I will be looking for morning carers when I can’t do it any more.
@pinkwizard1, hello, and sorry to hear about your trouble with your mother and bathing.
I know it isn't helpful in a practical sense, but yes, many of us have trouble with this with our PWDs (persons with dementia). Before my mother went into her care home, I don't think she had had a shower or bath for months, if not longer, judging from the layers of dust and cobwebs in her bath. I am not sure how she wasn't smelly, since she wasn't washing her clothing or bedding, either, one of the mysteries of dementia.
I would say that your mother is not being lazy or deliberately lying or playing you up, but rather that this is an expression of her disease. If what used to work no longer works, it is likely time to change your approach. Maybe carers coming in to help with hygiene, maybe you talking her through it step by step, maybe you washing her, maybe abandoning showering/bathing in terms of strip baths. If she is at all incontinent then of course hygiene becomes more important both in terms of helping to prevent UTIs and also skin integrity.
The UK Alzheimer's Society has some good info on their website about dementia in general and also a lot of specific topics. Maybe something here would be helpful? https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/20029/daily_living/6/washing_and_bathing
Nothing about this disease, or being a carer, is easy. I'm sorry, and best wishes to you.
I know it isn't helpful in a practical sense, but yes, many of us have trouble with this with our PWDs (persons with dementia). Before my mother went into her care home, I don't think she had had a shower or bath for months, if not longer, judging from the layers of dust and cobwebs in her bath. I am not sure how she wasn't smelly, since she wasn't washing her clothing or bedding, either, one of the mysteries of dementia.
I would say that your mother is not being lazy or deliberately lying or playing you up, but rather that this is an expression of her disease. If what used to work no longer works, it is likely time to change your approach. Maybe carers coming in to help with hygiene, maybe you talking her through it step by step, maybe you washing her, maybe abandoning showering/bathing in terms of strip baths. If she is at all incontinent then of course hygiene becomes more important both in terms of helping to prevent UTIs and also skin integrity.
The UK Alzheimer's Society has some good info on their website about dementia in general and also a lot of specific topics. Maybe something here would be helpful? https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/20029/daily_living/6/washing_and_bathing
Nothing about this disease, or being a carer, is easy. I'm sorry, and best wishes to you.
Sounds like it's a common problem. I'll think of you guys out there when I'm struggling, knowing you all are too x
Time to get in there with your Mum @pinkwizard1 in order to prompt and supervise. It ain't pretty but that's the way it is. Sorry and good luck!
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