the end is coming
- Thread starter Elaine68
- Start date
My condolences for your loss. I know how you feel, I too felt exactely the same as we sat to the end, a very peaceful end. I wish you strength in the weeks and months to come.
Please accept my condolences for your loss. I am glad that the passing was peaceful and that you are left with much happier memories to help you carry on.
I am sorry for your loss Elaine, but glad that your husband's torment is now over. Please look after yourself with the same loving care you gave him.
Thank you it's just a bit strange sat with my feet up and just thinking I could sit here all day I don't need to do anything anymore. No need to rush round doing different breakfast for 2 same lunch and tea I can go to bed when I want get up when I want just so strange. Sorting arrangements tomorrow not looking forward to that but needs doing guess I will be ok and looking forward to having my life back to do my many hobbies that have been put on hold. Christmas well not this year I just want to skip it may be next year.
Not sure I am coping very well I just do not know how to switch the caring off I cannot sleep because I am listening for every movement and I just say I am coming if I hear a noise how do I get out of this I have been doing it since 2007. I am also still sorting everything out in my head from what medical people said to me in September I cannot move on till I have done that then I will be going over all the arrangements again the way I feel I shall still be doing this at the other side of Christmas. I am not sure I am grieving or I am ill but I have made an appointment to see the doctor I think I may need some help. Really not looking forward to the funeral on the 12th December wish I could stay home.
It took me weeks to wind down from being on high alert Elaine. I felt as though is was missing something all the time.
I’m so sorry Elaine, hugs for you xxx
Everything takes time to get used to, and it is different for everyone. It took me a very long time to get used to not listening out for mum at night, and taking her into account for every day actions. Please be very kind to yourself because you deserve it. I’m glad that you have family support.
Everything takes time to get used to, and it is different for everyone. It took me a very long time to get used to not listening out for mum at night, and taking her into account for every day actions. Please be very kind to yourself because you deserve it. I’m glad that you have family support.
Well the doctor says I am grieving and just take each day as it comes and do basic jobs only but make sure I get 3 meals a day and plenty of fresh air. So what did I do today I turned the living room round as I want it and cleaned it. Then I went up stairs and did the same in the bedroom it gave me a new lease of life I really felt I had achieved something. All the neglected things I never had time to do got done now tomorrow things could be different but I am going to try and be positive I am not so sure I want to go down this line of taking sleeping tablets and antidepressants I know my Gordon would not want that. So I will try and be strong and get through the day of the funeral I may fall to bits after but I will just pick myself up again with the help of dear friends on here.
Hi Elaine, I am sure you are right to do what you want, when you want. Everyone reacts and experiences grief differently. There will be, well meaning, people who want to tell you what you 'should' be doing at any particular time. The only thing you 'should' do is whatever feels right to you, whether or not that suits anyone else!
Dear Elaine
I have just picked up this thread. So much of what you have said has touched me deeply.
Above all I wanted you to know that, even though your Gordon is now at peace, we are still here for you. You may find that you need the support of others now more than ever, as you no longer have all your mind, body, and spirit totally focused on caring for someone else.
The other thing I thought I would add is, if you need sleeping pills and/or anti depressants, then take them. What you have experienced is a huge physical as well as an emotional trauma and there is no shame in receiving medical support to help you in the early stages of your recovery.
Just as Gordon received morphine for his physical pain, you may need medication to help you through the most intense phase of your emotional pain. You would never have said to Gordon "Just tough it out and put up with the pain", so why tell yourself that you should try to manage without medicinal support for your pain. Is this really what Gordon would have wanted, if he could see you as you are now, with the hindsight that he would now have?
Like you, I resisted any offers of pharmaceutical support until one day someone very cheerily mentioned to me in passing that he was on prozac and it had transformed how he was coping. It was the very normalness of how he said it that struck me - like he had mentioned he was taking paracetamol. I went on prozac for a few months, found my strength again, and then came off it easily.
I am not saying you should take the pills but I am encouraging to think carefully about why you don't want to. Ask yourself whether you are being kind to yourself or caring appropriately for yourself by resisting your doctor's offer of support. You have proven that you are a brilliant carer for others - now let others take care of you.
With love
ChloeE
I have just picked up this thread. So much of what you have said has touched me deeply.
Above all I wanted you to know that, even though your Gordon is now at peace, we are still here for you. You may find that you need the support of others now more than ever, as you no longer have all your mind, body, and spirit totally focused on caring for someone else.
The other thing I thought I would add is, if you need sleeping pills and/or anti depressants, then take them. What you have experienced is a huge physical as well as an emotional trauma and there is no shame in receiving medical support to help you in the early stages of your recovery.
Just as Gordon received morphine for his physical pain, you may need medication to help you through the most intense phase of your emotional pain. You would never have said to Gordon "Just tough it out and put up with the pain", so why tell yourself that you should try to manage without medicinal support for your pain. Is this really what Gordon would have wanted, if he could see you as you are now, with the hindsight that he would now have?
Like you, I resisted any offers of pharmaceutical support until one day someone very cheerily mentioned to me in passing that he was on prozac and it had transformed how he was coping. It was the very normalness of how he said it that struck me - like he had mentioned he was taking paracetamol. I went on prozac for a few months, found my strength again, and then came off it easily.
I am not saying you should take the pills but I am encouraging to think carefully about why you don't want to. Ask yourself whether you are being kind to yourself or caring appropriately for yourself by resisting your doctor's offer of support. You have proven that you are a brilliant carer for others - now let others take care of you.
With love
ChloeE
