Good care in care home, but very noisy

[Kale-and-mash]

My mum has been in a care home since the spring. The staff do their best with the resources and space they have and seem very caring. The home has several residents with very challenging behaviour and it's admirable how the staff cope. Obviously those residents can't help their behaviour, so I don't blame them either!

Mum likes the staff, but is very upset when residents shout, argue and sometimes get into fights with each other. Sometimes all this can be happening at once, which is enough to make a healthy person feel mentally unwell, and my mum with dementia even more unwell. Mum has excellent hearing and finds it extra hard to filter out any background noise - even normal conversations. Having said that, bizarrely sometimes she can be fast asleep in the communal area with a lot of noise around her.

When we talk to her she is frequently upset and desperate to leave. Mum does sometimes display agitated behaviour herself, so it's not certain that a home with mainly calm residents would be able to cope with mum at those times. But would she maybe be calmer in a calmer environment? Impossible to predict. Staff say that she can at other times be jokey, take part in activities and seem content, which is a relief for us to hear, but I still feel so horrible that she is experiencing a lot of negative times and a disturbing environment.

Her communication is getting more limited and she is not always able to say what she means to the staff, but she does talk a lot with us. It's as if she puts on a bit of a facade and a brave face with staff - or is she genuinely happier when we are not there? Who knows. The staff are great though!

I don't know whether there is any advice to give or any alternative solution, but I just wanted to put this in writing - not ranting, but just feeling helpless and guilty.

Kale-and-mash (or especially today: mush)

 

[Bod]

Generally in my experience, staff do all possible to achieve a quiet life. The noisy ones, the over active ones, are known, and how to deal with them.
You may well find that in a few weeks all will be quiet, as nature may take it's course, until the next noisy one arrives!

Bod

 

[love.dad.but..]

When dad was in his nursing home...I could see for dad if a few residents became noisy or shouting it was like a domino effect and he would become agitated or anxious...probably because unlike us he could not process why or what was happening. The staff reacted quickly and moved a shouting or disruptive resident either to another part of the lounge, home or to their room and it was quickly diffused. However this is dependant on staff always being on hand and as we all know there are times when all staff are elsewhere.

 

[Dazmum]

I had exactly the same worries about my mum @Kale-and-mash. When my mum first went into her care home she was in the emi wing for security as she wandered, and when n the lounge she was constantly anxious about the other residents and what they were doing, as like your mum’s home, some had challenging behaviour. My mum has always hated conflict and noise so it was very difficult for her, and she would often say she was frightened.

I asked if she could sit in her room when she was anxious with her tv, and this worked sometimes, as a member of staff would keep an eye on her, but sometimes the other residents would wander in too!

I don’t know if your mum’s home has a quiet lounge, as some apparently do? There must be other residents who prefer peace and quiet. I asked if my mum could go to one of the other lounges, and they would ask her, but often she said she didn’t want to go!

My mum is less mobile now, and a couple of years ago I asked if she could move out of the secure wing and into the main part of the home, and it was like a miracle, as mum is much happier now,even though many of the other residents have dementia, it is much quieter and she sits in the lounge with them and even goes to some of the activities.

So, I would keep talking to the home about your worries, as it certainly exacerbated my mum’s anxiety. See if they have a quieter lounge or room where your mum could have some peace and impress on them how important this is to her well-being. I do hope that there is something that they can do for her, for your peace of mind too, as I know how much it worried me.

 

[Kale-and-mash]

Thank you for your replies and advice, Bod, love.dad.but and Dazmum.
We had a good chat with staff today, which was also reassuring.

All the best,
Kale-and-mash