wish me luck this is the first night I’ve slept appart from my oh in our own home in over 40 years but needs must hopefully get a good nights sleep!
First night sleeping in separate bed!
- Thread starter jennypie
- Start date
How did it go? My OH goes in the spare room two or three times a week now, has been since he developed REM sleep disorder years ago. It feels a bit 'disloyal' sometimes at first, but once you've had some good nights, you'll get to appreciate it. I make sure we do some extra hugging / hand holding in the evening beforehand. Persevere. xx
I would love to do this. I have tried several times and it didn't work out. If John can't see me he thinks he's alone. When he was less lame he would come looking for me but now he would be more likely to try to get ready to go out.
I am a very light sleeper so would be up and down all night putting him back to bed whereas at present I just say "Shoosh".
We got married when I was 21 so I guess 52 years is a long habit to break!
I am a very light sleeper so would be up and down all night putting him back to bed whereas at present I just say "Shoosh".
We got married when I was 21 so I guess 52 years is a long habit to break!
We have had separate bedrooms for some years now and I much prefer it this way. He had prostate problems and was up and down to the toilet during the night and he complained that I snored so it seemed to be the sensible thing to do.
Then there have been times when he has had a catheter and all the bits that go with it or sutures after surgery, or weeks of recuperating following his cardiac arrest as well as the problem that I am a chronic insomniac.
It just was the realistic thing to do. I hope that it works out for you and that you can get some decent sleep.
Then there have been times when he has had a catheter and all the bits that go with it or sutures after surgery, or weeks of recuperating following his cardiac arrest as well as the problem that I am a chronic insomniac.
It just was the realistic thing to do. I hope that it works out for you and that you can get some decent sleep.
Ah, Jennypie, this whole journey is one of continual change and testing times .... and the separate bedrooms is a big and painful milestone... All part of the exhaustion battle apart from anything else.
It doesn't work for everyone of course (see above) but everyone's situation is different and personal!
It may be worthwhile:
a. Talking to his GP about some medication to get him through the night?
b Talking to Social Services - Hampshire have a contract with a company called Argenti - who came and saw us and provided a variety of alarm systems so I could go to sleep knowing a buzzer would sound if my wife was out of bed for more than a few minutes (adjustable time), or wandered beyond her bedroom and en suite.
c. I had a night-light fitted in the ensuite over the loo - though a few months on she still regularly failed to find the loo. (She is now in a Carehome and they put a commode in her bedroom where she couldn't miss it! - which has worked a treat. I didn't think of that .....
d. Ensuring there is not too much in his bedroom to fiddle with - e.g. spare bedding / clothes.
e. Persevering - even if the the first few nights are difficult. I found I got quite easily wound up at being woken for the third time.... It's interesting that her Carehome (superb) don't rush to put residents back to bed but have them out for a wander and a cuppa if that's what they want to do, whereas my inclination was to calmly (if possible!) get her back to bed asap. But hey, if you are staff on a waking night-shift you are not so emotionally invoked and will clock off at 0800!! Another thing the staff do is to play music to the wakers - very settling.
Do hope it went OK last night - and will do so tonight. There is always the BBC World Service when Radio 4 is off air.
Regards
Frank
It doesn't work for everyone of course (see above) but everyone's situation is different and personal!
It may be worthwhile:
a. Talking to his GP about some medication to get him through the night?
b Talking to Social Services - Hampshire have a contract with a company called Argenti - who came and saw us and provided a variety of alarm systems so I could go to sleep knowing a buzzer would sound if my wife was out of bed for more than a few minutes (adjustable time), or wandered beyond her bedroom and en suite.
c. I had a night-light fitted in the ensuite over the loo - though a few months on she still regularly failed to find the loo. (She is now in a Carehome and they put a commode in her bedroom where she couldn't miss it! - which has worked a treat. I didn't think of that .....
d. Ensuring there is not too much in his bedroom to fiddle with - e.g. spare bedding / clothes.
e. Persevering - even if the the first few nights are difficult. I found I got quite easily wound up at being woken for the third time.... It's interesting that her Carehome (superb) don't rush to put residents back to bed but have them out for a wander and a cuppa if that's what they want to do, whereas my inclination was to calmly (if possible!) get her back to bed asap. But hey, if you are staff on a waking night-shift you are not so emotionally invoked and will clock off at 0800!! Another thing the staff do is to play music to the wakers - very settling.
Do hope it went OK last night - and will do so tonight. There is always the BBC World Service when Radio 4 is off air.
Regards
Frank
Hi Jennypie,
Hope it went okay last night. I know its a huge decision to sleep separately. I decided to do it a couple of years ago and at first I felt guilty, as if I was doing something wrong. However I soon realized that it was better for both of us and was able to lose the guilt and get a little bit more sleep. Hope you are okay tonight and going forward
Hope it went okay last night. I know its a huge decision to sleep separately. I decided to do it a couple of years ago and at first I felt guilty, as if I was doing something wrong. However I soon realized that it was better for both of us and was able to lose the guilt and get a little bit more sleep. Hope you are okay tonight and going forward
Thanks everyone, he's deteriorated quite a lot recently seeps 75% of the 24 hours and doesn't move from the position I put him in in bed apart from the rustling scratching etc in the night probably wanting a wee I used to stand him up to use the bottle but it was such a struggle I just can't anymore so he's got nappy like pads on so really it's that restlessness that kept me awake rather than wandering we've been through all that!
I have a pressure pad under him and have the monitor next to me but as I say he doesn't move and I don't think he knew I was even next to him in bed over the last few weeks. My main emotion is the feeling that I've abandoned him and feeling of sadness but I know he's safe and il be all the better for sleep
I have a pressure pad under him and have the monitor next to me but as I say he doesn't move and I don't think he knew I was even next to him in bed over the last few weeks. My main emotion is the feeling that I've abandoned him and feeling of sadness but I know he's safe and il be all the better for sleep
@jennypie I moved into the spare room in the early hours of 15th January last year (my birthday). I realised he was agitated because he didn't know why this lady he didn't know was in bed with him. I felt distraught because we never went to bed without a cuddle all our married life. The best piece of advice I was given about how to deal with this was to make the room mine rather than camping out in it and I made it a sanctuary for me. I did have to get used to sleeping with the door open so I could hear him but it was a generally peaceful place to read and sleep. Sadly last Friday I had to take him to a care home where he will now live and I have my bedroom back but it is bitter sweet. He is only 67 but his delusions and paranoia were extremely difficult to manage. I have never lived on my own before and last year was the first time I ever had a bedroom on my life as I always shared with 3 of my 5 sisters.
I do hope you have some quality sleep or at least a quiet space to help you to manage each day and night. Sleep well.
I do hope you have some quality sleep or at least a quiet space to help you to manage each day and night. Sleep well.
We first went to sleeping in separate beds years ago in our tourer caravan and then when she hurt her back we got two electric operated singles at home. Get better nights sleep overal but miss the cuddles and every time I wake I have to check on her as I am hard of hearing and may not hear if she calls me.
Agate my oh sleeps on a pressure mat thing and I have the monitor in my room so if he gets up it will buzz and it is loud so no fear of not hearing it however he hasn't moved without my help now for several weeks.
I moved out of 'our' room Jan 2016 when he had been very ill and was thrashing around in bed a lot, and kicking me. I couldn't look after him when I was so exhausted. He once asked me if I would come back to his bed, and I thought it was worth a try, so I did.
Sadly, when he eventually came to bed, he was cross to find me there because he wanted to play patience on his lap top. I felt insulted when he took the laptop into the spare room, table and all, to play, and left me behind.
I now realise this was not my man, it was the disease that has taken him away.... but still sad that he rejected me.
Sadly, when he eventually came to bed, he was cross to find me there because he wanted to play patience on his lap top. I felt insulted when he took the laptop into the spare room, table and all, to play, and left me behind.
I now realise this was not my man, it was the disease that has taken him away.... but still sad that he rejected me.
Hi Jenni, I’m in a very similar position to you. We have a 25 year age gap,I feel I understand how you’re feeling.
