Seeing things..................

yak55

Registered User
Jun 15, 2015
616
0
Mum frets when it gets dark. She thinks someone will come into her room. She asks me "who are the two men who come in and out of my room?".
Tonight Mum asked where everybody had gone,the only people in the house are Mum, me and my husband.
She thinks my son is her brother. She cannot remember her home address.
She goes to bed then moves about for ever and all I can hear is furniture moving, drawers banging etc
I should have gone to see a Doctor at the Hospice where my darling Dad passed away in August but I didnt go as I'm grieving, not only for Dad, but for my Mum and their home. They are all intertwined and cannot be separated. I havent been able to grieve for my Dad and I need to badly.
Ive really had enough, its so sad.
Not sure how muchmore I can take.
 

Amy in the US

Registered User
Feb 28, 2015
4,616
0
USA
@yak55, I am sorry to hear you sounding so upset. I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now, but I'm sorry.

I wonder if you'd considering ringing the Samaritans to hear a friendly voice on the phone? They answer 24/7 and you can reach them toll free at 116 123 in the UK, or in Ireland. There is also an email contact on their website.

Age UK and the Alzheimer's Society also have helplines you can call.

You really sound as though you need some support and help of some sort. Grief is hard and dementia is hard and being a carer is hard. I can't imagine the combination of all three.
 

Amy in the US

Registered User
Feb 28, 2015
4,616
0
USA
I've just read in one of your other posts where you are spending two days a week clearing your parents' house. If I read it right, those two days a week you have someone else caring for your mum. So if I understand, you are using your "respite" time to clear their home.

That is a big job and means your break from caring is no kind of a break after all! That would wear anyone out.

I have cleared homes, to prepare for sale, of parents and relatives, both after death (father) and because of a move due to illness (aunt) and dementia (mother). It is a huge job. It is hard work physically and can be crushing emotionally. You find things you don't expect and it's hard to know what to do with any of it. With dementia or illness, often you don't find things you expected to find, which is also distressing.

Could you have a day off? Enlist or hire some help? Find any way to make it even a little bit less awful? I really do feel for you and I am sorry.
 

yak55

Registered User
Jun 15, 2015
616
0
@yak55, I am sorry to hear you sounding so upset. I can't even imagine what you must be going through right now, but I'm sorry.

I wonder if you'd considering ringing the Samaritans to hear a friendly voice on the phone? They answer 24/7 and you can reach them toll free at 116 123 in the UK, or in Ireland. There is also an email contact on their website.

Age UK and the Alzheimer's Society also have helplines you can call.

You really sound as though you need some support and help of some sort. Grief is hard and dementia is hard and being a carer is hard. I can't imagine the combination of all three.
Thank you Amy x
 

yak55

Registered User
Jun 15, 2015
616
0
I've just read in one of your other posts where you are spending two days a week clearing your parents' house. If I read it right, those two days a week you have someone else caring for your mum. So if I understand, you are using your "respite" time to clear their home.

That is a big job and means your break from caring is no kind of a break after all! That would wear anyone out.

I have cleared homes, to prepare for sale, of parents and relatives, both after death (father) and because of a move due to illness (aunt) and dementia (mother). It is a huge job. It is hard work physically and can be crushing emotionally. You find things you don't expect and it's hard to know what to do with any of it. With dementia or illness, often you don't find things you expected to find, which is also distressing.

Could you have a day off? Enlist or hire some help? Find any way to make it even a little bit less awful? I really do feel for you and I am sorry.
.
When my husband is here full time I'm hoping I'll cope better.
We are arranging for a cleaning team to clean the house ready for sale but there is still much to sort out.
I took some of Dads clothes to the hospice charity shop yesterday.
So many memories of all the things about, really tough but I thank you for your help everyone, you are all so kind xxx
 
Last edited:

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
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South coast
Clearing a house is daunting and it is tempting to push yourself to just get it out of the way, but you have to pace yourself or you will burn out. You dont have to go round to the house every time you have a spare minute - take some time out and relax.
I havent been able to grieve for mum who died earlier this year either. It feels like Im crying inside, but it doesnt get as far as my eyes.
PS, if you phone the Samaritans please bare in mind that sometimes, if its busy, you cant get through.:(
 

yak55

Registered User
Jun 15, 2015
616
0
Clearing a house is daunting and it is tempting to push yourself to just get it out of the way, but you have to pace yourself or you will burn out. You dont have to go round to the house every time you have a spare minute - take some time out and relax.
I havent been able to grieve for mum who died earlier this year either. It feels like Im crying inside, but it doesnt get as far as my eyes.
PS, if you phone the Samaritans please bare in mind that sometimes, if its busy, you cant get through.:(
Oh I'm sorry you feel like that Amy. I understand completely.
Take care of yourself too and thank you for your help.
I'll bear the Samaritans in mind but may try the dementia help line initially x
 

Bod

Registered User
Aug 30, 2013
1,958
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Hallucinations, are very real for the PWD.
They can be helped with medication, which may only be needed short term.
Talk to her GP/Memory Clinic.

Bod
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
6,534
0
N Ireland
Another thing with dusk and darkness is that shapes/shadows can look like a person to someone with dementia. Keep all rooms/halls well lit. Maybe cover windows/mirrors as reflections can be seen as strangers. Take dressing gowns etc., off hooks (my wife thought her dressing gown on the back of the bedroom door was a person hanging there).
 

yak55

Registered User
Jun 15, 2015
616
0
Hallucinations, are very real for the PWD.
They can be helped with medication, which may only be needed short term.
Talk to her GP/Memory Clinic.

Bod
I was wondering about medication Bod as Mum also gets so frightened going to bed, thanks x
 

yak55

Registered User
Jun 15, 2015
616
0
Another thing with dusk and darkness is that shapes/shadows can look like a person to someone with dementia. Keep all rooms/halls well lit. Maybe cover windows/mirrors as reflections can be seen as strangers. Take dressing gowns etc., off hooks (my wife thought her dressing gown on the back of the bedroom door was a person hanging there).
Good idea, I will take Mums dressing gown hook off of the back of the door!!! Thanks x
 

Bod

Registered User
Aug 30, 2013
1,958
0
It often helps, but try to keep it short term. It can be restarted, if the initial period is not long enough.
Just be aware that high doses can lead to problems with falls.
The Dr's will start very low, but it's temping to have an extra one "to be sure of a good night"

Bod