Oh brother

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,820
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UK
Tin you poor thing, you are obviously exhausted and quite rightly so, do hope it all clears up before the docs appt.

Hospital appointment on Thursday, toilet problems ongoing, Hoping for some sort of investigation and maybe some answers, for sure we cannot go on like this. When visitors arrive they ask if I am cooking cabbage!!!!!!!!!
 

MaryH

Registered User
Jun 16, 2016
120
0
Ottawa, Canada
porridge is oatmeal right? There is a suggestion of putting an egg with water with dry oatmeal after mixing in microwave and cook to bulk up the oatmeal too. About to try it on mom..
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,820
0
UK
This is what my mother said to me today "I have no daughters and when I do they do nothing, NOTHING for me! Thank god I have become numb and immune to such statements!

Bowel problems still ongoing. One hospital visit down and now they want to scan her. Not sure this will be a success or even happen, telling her to lay down and roll her into a bloody big 'rocket' now stay very still!!
 

Batsue

Registered User
Nov 4, 2014
4,893
0
Scotland
This is what my mother said to me today "I have no daughters and when I do they do nothing, NOTHING for me! Thank god I have become numb and immune to such statements!

You have my sympathy, I am apparently a horrible daughter whilst my brother who she only sees every 6 weeks is lovely. It's a good job we develop a thick skin, mine must be like a rhino.
 
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Amy in the US

Registered User
Feb 28, 2015
4,616
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USA
Tin, sorry the bowel problems are still ongoing. Good luck with the scan; I know how difficult that is likely to be and hope that whatever information you get from it would help with some sort of treatment. You could sure use some help with all this!

I am sometimes the non-existent daughter as well (I'm an only child). Quite the jolt at first but you are right, you do become immune. I've also learned not to address her directly as "Mum" so as to avoid the rejoinder of "I'm not your mother" or "I don't have any children" and wherever that might go (nowhere good). Although it does leave me at a loss as to what to call her; if I address her by her first name and she remembers I'm her daughter, I get ticked off for that as well! Ah, dementia, ever challenging.
 

Tin

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May 18, 2014
4,820
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UK
Bad day, think sundowning started very early. Up with mum at 5a.m changed her pad and put her back to bed. At some point between then and 8 she has maybe had a fall or something, face bleeding from small scratches same on knee. Impossible to help clean and dress her, she will not let me and would not use either the commodes or the toilet so had to clean and change pad while she was trying to get away from me, well not clean, just managed to change the pad! The combination of clothing and all in the wrong order, inside out, even worn completely wrong - legs in shirt sleeves. I could not adjust any of it and she has no idea what is wrong! Now wandering around the house a lot, moving things and endless chatter.

Got delivery from ageuk shop yesterday, hand sanitizer leaking, but other things ok, although I think the disposable bed pads may be a waste of time, even though I gaffer taped one in place last night I found it at the bottom of her bed and yes bed sheets all wet. So going to have to work out some way of keeping them in place, maybe using more than one at a time in a long line might work. I did buy two makes, one cheap -tried last night. one more expensive - try one of these tonight.
 

Tin

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May 18, 2014
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UK
The last few months have shown some dramatic changes in mum and I think that's sad because more of mum has gone, but there is one area that is a part of these changes I am relieved. Night times are a lot easier, she goes to bed at 9 pm and although not every night, she tends to stay there, unless sundowning happens.. The only down side to this long nights sleep is the higher risk of a wet bed, but so far I have solved this by padding mum out with what Marnie has called 'industrial' type pads and disposable bed liners. Also on the mornings when she does get up early, too early for me, I change her pad, give her a cup of tea and a biscuit and leave her to it, I go back to bed for an hour or so. The house is warm and front door locked and she usually spends her time pulling out and pushing back all the dining room chairs, can hear them scrapping on the floor, but I do manage to go back to sleep!
 

Tin

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May 18, 2014
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UK
Getting really hard to do things for mum now. Toilet, bath and any kind of hygiene almost impossible to do and she is having trouble just putting cardigans on, puts one arm in and then wanders off, refusing my help to put other arm in. Same with socks and shoes. Hygiene gone out the window so for now I am back to just hand washing little bits of her, but refuses to let me change her incontinence pads especially when she has a bowel movement, she hangs on tight to her trousers and then her knickers. I think she knows what she has done and maybe there is a little bit of embarrassment here. The nights when she wets her bed I always find that she has made it, probably to hide what has happened, but on dry nights, never makes her bed! Out of all of this it is the pad changing that I am finding hard to do, so have resorted to putting 2 pads in so that I can just whip one out quick and done in less than a minute.

She has always been a stubborn lady!!!
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,820
0
UK
Oh dear, my mum just cannot stop moving things around, especially the furniture! She has now started pushing an armchair around the sitting room and the same armchair when she does sit in it, she has started to fiddle and pick at some threads so I have been forced to move the damn chair out of her reach and into a corner of the room. It is ongoing as she lines things up, including ornaments etc and cannot walk passed anything without touching it. I keep finding a melon sitting in the bath, it should be on a warm window sill getting ripe and ready to eat, but she keeps moving it! All of this ridiculous behaviour has become so ingrained and getting on my nerves a bit.
 

Amy in the US

Registered User
Feb 28, 2015
4,616
0
USA
Hi, Tin, you're sounding tired. Sorry to hear you're having a difficult time of it. I wish I had brilliant advice for you, but…
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,820
0
UK
Hi, Tin, you're sounding tired. Sorry to hear you're having a difficult time of it. I wish I had brilliant advice for you, but…


Thanks Amy, I am probably tired as I stayed up far too late last night watching a film.
Don't think there is an answer to this one, this behaviour has been ongoing for a few years now. I put it under the title that if she is not stressed or anxious then I leave alone, but sometimes I look around my home and think 'what a mess'

At the moment I think sundowning is upon us, she has started to repeat herself none stop and fidgeting with the zip on her cardigan.
 

Lavender45

Registered User
Jun 7, 2015
1,607
0
Liverpool
Tin my mum was displaying some similar behaviours last year. She could not sit still and had to be doing something all the time, for preference outside.

Mum's memory clinic consultant prescribed Pregabalin. I'll be honest and say that it made little difference to mum, but then no drug either of her two consultants tried had any measure of success with mum and in the end her current consultant decided she was just drug resistant.

I cannot remember if your mum has ever been prescribed Pregabalin, I know she's had some of the others like Lorazepam. If she hasn't it might be worth a look on line and a talk with your mum's doctor.

I have to say the manic constant movement only came about not long before mum's admission to hospital and I kmow I was tearing my hair out. You've dealt with the moving around and restlessness for so long, I really don't know how you cope.
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,820
0
UK
Tin my mum was displaying some similar behaviours last year. She could not sit still and had to be doing something all the time, for preference outside.

Mum's memory clinic consultant prescribed Pregabalin. I'll be honest and say that it made little difference to mum, but then no drug either of her two consultants tried had any measure of success with mum and in the end her current consultant decided she was just drug resistant.

I cannot remember if your mum has ever been prescribed Pregabalin, I know she's had some of the others like Lorazepam. If she hasn't it might be worth a look on line and a talk with your mum's doctor.

I have to say the manic constant movement only came about not long before mum's admission to hospital and I kmow I was tearing my hair out. You've dealt with the moving around and restlessness for so long, I really don't know how you cope.[/QUOT

Hi Lavenender,

It has been a good few years, in fact I think this constant moving has been with us since she moved in starting outside and now because I am locking the front door, inside and it has been so long I have got used to it, visitors notice it and wonder how I cope! In fact today's visitor while we were sitting at the dining table catching up on the gossip, my mum was moving all the dining chairs out into the hall, all except the ones we were sitting on. We have tried lorazepam and diazepam and recently sulpiride think my mum is drug resistant too or instead of helping they increase the behaviour. We have a memory clinic appointment in January and I am going to mention Pregabalin.

Just want her to sit down and rest, but I think deep down inside she feels that she is not in the right place, wants to be somewhere else and so changing her environment is her only answer. Or maybe not!!!!! Who knows?????
 

Marnie63

Registered User
Dec 26, 2015
1,637
0
Hampshire
The last few months have shown some dramatic changes in mum and I think that's sad because more of mum has gone, but there is one area that is a part of these changes I am relieved. Night times are a lot easier, she goes to bed at 9 pm and although not every night, she tends to stay there, unless sundowning happens.. The only down side to this long nights sleep is the higher risk of a wet bed, but so far I have solved this by padding mum out with what Marnie has called 'industrial' type pads and disposable bed liners. Also on the mornings when she does get up early, too early for me, I change her pad, give her a cup of tea and a biscuit and leave her to it, I go back to bed for an hour or so. The house is warm and front door locked and she usually spends her time pulling out and pushing back all the dining room chairs, can hear them scrapping on the floor, but I do manage to go back to sleep!

Tin - good to hear there's some relief on the night time incontinence. I am still using the industrial 'nappy' pads, but now have the 'luxury' of being able to put them on mum while she's standing, so I think we are getting them lined up and positioned a bit better. Because I'm able to toilet mum on the commode and on the normal loo now, she at least goes in the day time, so it doesn't all sit waiting to come out at night, which is what was happening before. The pads are still wet, but not as full as before. I might downgrade to slightly smaller ones. Although mum is now walking, albeit a bit shakily, with a frame, she is unable to get out of bed on her own. She sleeps most nights (thank God!) but sometimes starts shaking the bedsides around 6 am (she's on a hospital bed), so I do something similar to you - put her on the commode, change the pad, and put her back to bed, then make myself a cuppa and go back to bed and put the radio on. Finding this 'me time' is crucial for me. I also get a bit of down time in the evenings, as the carer calls can be any time from 1930 to 2130, so once we have put mum to bed, I try to find something to watch on TV to take my mind somewhere else. I am still finding the stretchy/fixation pants to be a good idea for mum, so once I have used up the tonnes of Tena slips supplied by the NHS (which are too thin, but can be used with a booster pad), I'll be looking at options for pads to use with those.

One thing that helps me is keeping a daily write up of when she goes on the loo, whether pad is wet or not, whether she has a wee or not, large or small - this helps to build up a picture of how her bladder is working and helps me decide what type of pad to use next! I have a diuretic to contend with too, but now tend to give that in the morning and she generally 'flushes out' within two to three hours of that (definitely in a thicker pad then, just in case!).

The trial and error of this can be hard, but worth trying different options and satisfying when you find something that works. I would never have thought of wrapping the incontinence sheet between the pad and mum's nightie, but that really used to help in saving the nightie and bed linen from getting soaked.
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,820
0
UK
Tin - good to hear there's some relief on the night time incontinence. I am still using the industrial 'nappy' pads, but now have the 'luxury' of being able to put them on mum while she's standing, so I think we are getting them lined up and positioned a bit better. Because I'm able to toilet mum on the commode and on the normal loo now, she at least goes in the day time, so it doesn't all sit waiting to come out at night, which is what was happening before. The pads are still wet, but not as full as before. I might downgrade to slightly smaller ones. Although mum is now walking, albeit a bit shakily, with a frame, she is unable to get out of bed on her own. She sleeps most nights (thank God!) but sometimes starts shaking the bedsides around 6 am (she's on a hospital bed), so I do something similar to you - put her on the commode, change the pad, and put her back to bed, then make myself a cuppa and go back to bed and put the radio on. Finding this 'me time' is crucial for me. I also get a bit of down time in the evenings, as the carer calls can be any time from 1930 to 2130, so once we have put mum to bed, I try to find something to watch on TV to take my mind somewhere else. I am still finding the stretchy/fixation pants to be a good idea for mum, so once I have used up the tonnes of Tena slips supplied by the NHS (which are too thin, but can be used with a booster pad), I'll be looking at options for pads to use with those.

One thing that helps me is keeping a daily write up of when she goes on the loo, whether pad is wet or not, whether she has a wee or not, large or small - this helps to build up a picture of how her bladder is working and helps me decide what type of pad to use next! I have a diuretic to contend with too, but now tend to give that in the morning and she generally 'flushes out' within two to three hours of that (definitely in a thicker pad then, just in case!).

The trial and error of this can be hard, but worth trying different options and satisfying when you find something that works. I would never have thought of wrapping the incontinence sheet between the pad and mum's nightie, but that really used to help in saving the nightie and bed linen from getting soaked.

Hi Marnie,

We are doing similar things, like you I have a number of different sizes to put on at certain times. Can only get mum to sit on the commode in the morning, rest of the day she stands at the sink, so think buying the second commode for bathroom was a bit of a waste of money but it may come in useful in the future. Since buying the bed pads we have not had a wet bed to deal with - go figure! Still put one or should I say two in the bed, but they tend to be mangled up rather than wet. With my notes I have worked out that mums bladder is far more active late afternoon and then early morning. While I am still dealing with constant bowel movements, at least it is all contained and honestly the first clue that she is doing something is the smell - a bit strong, so immediately to the bathroom and a quick change, left hand ready to pull one out and right hand with pad to put in immediately! Am searching for adult liners which would make things easier. for the time being the booster pads are brilliant. The change bag that goes out with us now is very big and full and has its own chair in the coffee shop!
 

Moog

Registered User
Jan 8, 2017
72
0
Kent. UK
Is he the baby of the family?
My brother is and Mum thinks the sun shines out of his proverbial.

I'm the baby of the family. I'm the only one who takes an interest and I visit every day from teatime to bedtime and get 10 phone calls a day. I do the shopping, all the medical appts/social worker appts, and I'm there mopping up dirty toilets at night. Earlier in the illness, I was changing Mum's nappies, and bathing her. Unfortunately, I'm the unpaid 'always happy' slave while visiting older siblings are treated like gods on their rare visits.... Hahahaha!! As a child, I was the least favourite it's hard to fathom the favouritism. Mum needs help and I can't let her suffer so at least later in life I'll know I did everything I could and that'll comfort me
Moog x
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,820
0
UK
This damn dementia is now beginning to show physically. Mum stooping forward so much that she is in danger of falling over and she has once or twice, fortunately a chair or table has stopped her tumbling onto the floor, but we have had a few rolls out of bed. What is making this harder to deal with is the continual walking around the house, she cannot stop and sit down for more than a few minutes, even when I guide her to a suitable chair, it is not long before she is up and off again, tidying cushions, moving the dining room chairs or wanting to put her baby {the dog] to bed or just covering her baby with bathroom towels. In her mind she has lots to do and must do them. None of this is making her anxious or stressed, its just something she does all and it seems I can only stop her when she is absolutely exhausted and I have to help her into a chair, hard because she puts all her weight on me and I feel like I am carrying her.

I am going to request a Zimmer frame, but because of dementia I am not confident this will help. I have also tried sitting her in a lower seated chair so that she cannot get up without my help, but trying to get up on her own seems to cause stress, so given up this one. I am going to tuck all her bed sheets and duvet under the mattress when she goes to bed, this may keep her from rolling out of bed. At this point I don't think bed bars will help, feel sure mum will try and climb over, but maybe I will have no choice.
 

Shedrech

Registered User
Dec 15, 2012
12,649
0
UK
hi Tin
would a 3 wheeled walker be any good? dad took to it well and still uses it, though now he's bumping into everything rather than negotiating his way round - I have seen zimmer frames being carried rather than used properly, even the ones with wheels at the front - maybe have an OT check this out?
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,820
0
UK
hi Tin
would a 3 wheeled walker be any good? dad took to it well and still uses it, though now he's bumping into everything rather than negotiating his way round - I have seen zimmer frames being carried rather than used properly, even the ones with wheels at the front - maybe have an OT check this out?

Booked Occupational Therapist in the New year, they are going to bring along a few things to try, but the dementia always gets in the way, so not holding out much hope.

The bedroom falls I think I have solved. One side of bed tucked in and the other now has a more sturdy and higher bedside cabinet that she can use to help her stand, so far so good.

Still a major battle changing her pads, as soon as everything is pulled down she pulls right back up again and holds tight even when I am trying to clean her and put in new pad and I have tried everything from warming up cleaning products, working as fast as I can, not talking just getting the job done, sometimes not cleaning, putting 2 pads in at a time so that I can just whip one out. and even putting her back into skirts - does not work and all of this has to be done while she is standing at the sink, for me it is such a simple job and I have got it down to just a few minutes. apart from first thing in the morning she is still refusing to sit on toilet or commode. All of the incontinence does not bother me, can deal and do it, even the look of disgust I get, but this battle is wearing me down, at least it is today.
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,820
0
UK
DID NOT SMELL THE CREAM!

Been giving mum one of her favourite desserts for last few days, warm fruit pies with cream [lactose free] . Took cream out of fridge today, terrible smell! think it has been like this for a day or so and as I do not partake, did not know that it had gone off, except for a few strange bowel movements for mum. Poor thing, she did not even notice a change in the taste! Have to use my nose more.

Things seem to have calmed down, at least mum is now using the commode during the day and apart from yesterday, she is standing straight and walking well, long may it last.
 

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