Should I move Mum to other care home

[anita1780]

hello

Mum had a nasty fall and had a hip operation about a month ago, she went to a care home to recover after that , I have some issues with the care home , some days she looked like she was sedated , she looked very sleepy, I asked if they gave her something they said they didn’t , small bruises in her arms , although she has sensitive skin , and they don’t allow family members to see when they change nappies or bathe them, they didn’t tell me she was developing a bad fungal nappy rash , only they told me she had a bit of an allergy to the nappy , then I realised when it looked awful when I asked her private physiotherapist to help me check, since then I have a problem to trust them, the problem is that I don’t see many good alternatives , I found one a lot more expensive but seem to have an open door policy allowing family members to see everything and visit whenever they want, but not sure they are as experienced as the one she is in now , the doctor from this new home saw mum and said she is in good shape for what happened to her but his home is a bit better , an I over reacting about the nappy rash or is it a good reason to move mum to the new home ,

Thanks a lot

 

[Rageddy Anne]

Sorry you find yourself with this dilemma.

You say she went to the care home to recover. Does that mean she will be returning home? My husband was not returning home, as his dementia was too difficult to manage any longer at home.

For what it's worth, here's what I learned.

If you can find somewhere that feels right and doesn't appear to be hiding anything, I might feel inclined to consider a move. A good check is to find out how long the carers have worked there....good carers will stay. If there are lots of agency carers I'd beware...

I moved my husband twice. The first move because I had misgivings like yours, but also, he didn't get enough peace there. The second place was peaceful with good care, but badly managed. The lift stopped working and wasn't fixed, causing lots of really troubling difficulties. The third was the best, peaceful, with kind and imaginative carers, and you could visit any time...They said to me, " This is his home, of course you can visit him!"

In one place he developed a sore bottom and back, and I supplied various special creams and shower products. Then one day, I saw one of the carers was using some hand soap I'd provided for his basin, instead of the gentle shower product! He was allergic to it! I removed the soap and he got better! It comes down to the quality of the carers, not so much how posh it looks!
Hoping this helps at a worrying time...

 

[anita1780]

Hello Anne

Well I think she will stay in a care home as her condition is difficult to manage at home , the manager from the new home I saw seems very open and honest , however you never know until you move someone , this new home seems also more expensive, however I didn’t see much staff around when I visited but as a building seems nicer , it seems what the carers do on a daily basis is very important .
I don’t like that in the care home my mum is currently at don’t allow family members how they change the nappies, wash them , etc , also carers and nurses seem to take things personally when you say something to them , by the way I’m in Peru all homes are private and I’m paying them myself, but the price is not important I think it’s how comfortable I feel with the home and the level of care

Ana

Sorry you find yourself with this dilemma.

 

[MaryH]

Anita,

When I looked at nursing homes for dad, I did not just take the home's word, I talk to anyone in my circle (even friends of friends) or people in my support group that has experience with it. If I don't know anyone who knows something about it, I will stop total strangers with family there after the tour to ask how they like the home lol.. I am not shy.. You get more unbiased information from people with loved one there.

 

[Spamar]

People have different ideas about care homes, and different homes suit different people. There is one near me with not a brilliant reputation, but three people I know have gone there and their carers have been entirely satisfied.

 

[anita1780]

I didn’t see any family members around when I went to visit the new care home , the thing I like is that the manager seems open and friendly and is friend of a distant friend, it’s so difficult for me to make decisions

 

[MaryH]

I have gone back to a home again without a tour scheduled at a different time to tried to talk to people and by chance ran into someone I know slightly with her mom but I was going to walk around the property or outside and try to chat people up. Would a visit be better at meal or after working hours? If queried I would said I would like to take another look since I forgot to note some detail about the facility.

 

[SnowWhite]

I notice you are in Peru. Maybe it's the norm there not to allow families to be involved in personal care. Just thinking aloud really.

 

[Shedrech]

hello @anita1780
I think if I were in your situation I would be considering:-

a chat with the current home's manager to calmly let them know that you would like to feel free to be present when personal care is being attended to - put this in a way that is not a criticism and doesn't imply that you think anything untoward is going on - maybe say that your family has always been open about these things and your mum wouldn't mind (in case they are doing this as a courtesy to your mum, to preserve her privacy) - say you are really glad the fungal infection has cleared up well (make it seem as though you believe the home had a part in this) and that they aren't to worry about letting you know when they notice any such issues as you are really pleased to know when they have spotted something untoward so that it can be dealt with, and you will do all you can to help - hopefully by not being confrontational, you won't get a defensive response, the manager will know where you stand on these situations and trust will be built up again

also, though, visit the potential new care home at different times of day - ask about how they would deal with that issue and any other situations you can think of - ask about staffing levels - in fact ask anything and everything - if the manager continues to be as open and straight forward as on your first visit, it may be worth considering a move - don't, though, be swayed by a tidier, more modern look; it's the service provided that counts

the doctor at the new home said your mum is in good shape? - if this is correct, the current home hasn't done a bad job with her care and helping her recuperate after the hospital visit

my dad has moments when he is so tired he looks as though he may have had a sedative (but he hasn't, as I asked) - he is not exactly falling as in a feint but is slipping off chairs/missing the seat when he tries to sit - and he is tired after one of these; I guess it's a shock to the system even if the 'fall' is a fairly gentle slide to the floor - and also the fall itself is a symptom of the losing of abilities due to the dementia

in the end, only you can know what will be better for your mum and for your peace of mind

and just a thought - might you add Peru as your location on your profile so members can see it easily - there may be other members on TP from Peru who have info specific to Peru's systems of care

 

[anita1780]

Hi everyone thank you for your replies , I will try to have a chat with the nurse at the care home today about their policy of not allowing family members to see when they change nappies , bathe them , etc, I don’t think is the policy in all care homes , in the hospital family members were even encouraged to help and in Peru modesty is not a big thing, you see people breastfeeding in public without anythibg to cover them every day, many care homes in Peru, most of them are family businesses and they are a house converted into a care home , not like in the UK, I lived in the UK a long time, sadly I don’t think many people from Peru speak English or are members of this forum:-(, and the nappy rash hasn’t cleared yet it’s doing not very slowly, they said they were going to do more nappy changes but I don’t see the nappies disappearing

 

[MaryH]

Okay so it is smaller houses of coliving with staff or the family running the business rather then the professional and regulated institutions like in UK and north American? Sound like you provide the adult nappies?

If you provide the nappies and it is not being used frequently enough that is a worry. Dad was using paper towels in his nappies before and when he become incontinent, he was using a roll of high quality paper towel a day and throw it in the bathroom open basket. But talked to some of the people who are nurses saying having wet paper that does not wick next to skin can cause rash and even infections such as UTI. Dad is currently in hospital and I see them bringing in more of the nappies when it is needed so if they provide, maybe they are replenishing as they go?

I would be polite and ask again to be present and Shedrech's suggestion is very good.

 

[anita1780]

Hi

Yes I provide the nappies myself and they are not changing them as often as necessary it seems, I found my mum heavily sedated today ,definitely I think its time for a change , they said it was a uti however she started to wake up in the afternoon

 

[MaryH]

Yeah dad was not using/changing them often enough. I notice it was not going down that fast thought he only wore them when he needed to go out. I was shocked when I found he was putting paper towel in them regularly and changing them to use the nappies longer.

UTI diagnosis need a urine test? How did they get that diagnosis? Do they have a doctor or lab onsite?

 

[anita1780]

Hello I had to take the sample to a private lab to check for a uti

 

[anita1780]

They have a doctor but he works somewhere else and he is very busy to see the patients in person