My Father married his carer

[Noggybob]

Has this happened to anyone else?
My ex girlfriend of 7 years who had over the years helped out with my Dad over the years as his dementia got slowly worse, he couldn’t cook, use the tv remote, bills etc
Many many other typical dementia issues as well
We split in Xmas 2015 and my Dad said to me is it ok if she helps him out still?
I said of course as I know how important it is to keep continuity as my Mother had died of Alkzeimers back in Feb 2014
My ex and mines relationship became strained when I started seeing someone else about May 2016 and I was working away in Denmark (first job I’d taken in 9 months as I was always having to help Dad out and couldn’t find work locally)
Anyway the bottom line is she basically hassled and wore him down till eventually she took him to a registrars office and married him in Nov 2016 and didn’t tell me until Xmas eve
It’s a absolute joke that this cannot be against the law in some way? I’ve written to my MP, to care charities the lot but it just seems it’s exceptable to marry a vulnerable person with dementia
Anyone else have this problem who know someone who has had this happen to them?
Dad passed away on the 26th October and now I’m not allowed in the house as all his possessions now belong to her! Family photos, memories, Mums things, it’s an absolute joke!

 

[cobden28]

Just a suggestion, but if your Dad had been officially diagnosed with dementia, could it not be said that he didn't have the mental capacity (or something along those lines ) to make the decision to get married to your ex-girlfriend (his carer)? On that line of thinking, could it not therefore be said that the marriage isn't valid because at the time your Dad just didn't have the mental capacity to make such a decision?

 

[Beate]

A diagnosis alone doesn't mean someone hasn't got the mental capacity for such a decision. I agree it sounds a little iffy, but might be very difficult to prove after death.

 

[Selinacroft]

Hi Noggybob
I was horrified to read of your problems. I'm wondering if it could have been illegal on grounds of Safeguarding, which perhaps Social Services failed in their duty? See if there is anything helpful in this
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/downl...people_with_dementia_from_financial_abuse.pdf
Another thought- if Dad were still alive the marriage could possibly be anulled if they hadn't consumated the marriage - and very possibly not if dad was in late stage of dementia.
As dad has now passed , it may be worth discussing if this could be taken into account over any prosecutions of abuse?
What was the time scale between the two of you separating, her moving in with dad and the marriage? It does sound like something a good solicitor should be able to get to grips with.

 

[Noggybob]

Just a suggestion, but if your Dad had been officially diagnosed with dementia, could it not be said that he didn't have the mental capacity (or something along those lines ) to make the decision to get married to your ex-girlfriend (his carer)? On that line of thinking, could it not therefore be said that the marriage isn't valid because at the time your Dad just didn't have the mental capacity to make such a decision?

Well theres the problem, as he was not officially diagnosed how can I prove it?
Even he had been it doesn’t mean he hasn’t got the capacity to marry someone but you can’t make a will!
The laws in this country I just crazy and there’s no protection for the families let alone the vulnerable elderly