My parents live in Canada. My mother has dementia and has been in a care home since early May. None of us children lives even on the same continent, so my father was her sole carer for several years, refusing all help, till various crises I've previously posted about -- basically the police and social services had to step in and take her away from him, not once but twice, because he was getting violently angry with her. However you view that otherwise, it's been terribly, terribly stressful for him.
Anyway, in the past two or three months I find, both when I visit and on the phone, he repeats questions over and over within minutes -- "What time did you say we would --?" He seems to be losing his grip on time completely -- day of the week, even month, time of day, moving memories by whole decades into time frames that a moment's thought would show are impossible. But perhaps that's normal in aging, especially when retired and living alone?
Most concerningly, he seems to be becoming paranoid. But perhaps that's natural given how my mother had to be taken from him, and given that he's now living alone in a large house that he refuses to sell but can't really keep on top of. (Please don't think I'm unsympathetic, btw. I can SEE how hard all this is for him.) He accused me of talking to his doctor in secret about his medical needs. Not true, but he changed doctor and said he would report her to the medical association. (Fortunately he seemingly isn't organised or energetic enough to carry through. Fortunately too he still lets me visit every two months or so to cook and comfort and visit.) Now he has sacked the only home help he had, the cleaner who's been coming in for a few hours every other week for 30 years. He accuses her of stealing things he can't find that have no real value -- a winter hat, most recently a white china vase of the kind florists often give free with flowers.
From 4000 miles away, with my next visit scheduled for December 20, I'm not sure how worried to be, still less what to do. Do any of you think this could be signs of dementia? And if so, do I have to wait till he, too, falls into a crisis that will bring in the police and social services? Is there anything I should try doing before December?
Anyway, in the past two or three months I find, both when I visit and on the phone, he repeats questions over and over within minutes -- "What time did you say we would --?" He seems to be losing his grip on time completely -- day of the week, even month, time of day, moving memories by whole decades into time frames that a moment's thought would show are impossible. But perhaps that's normal in aging, especially when retired and living alone?
Most concerningly, he seems to be becoming paranoid. But perhaps that's natural given how my mother had to be taken from him, and given that he's now living alone in a large house that he refuses to sell but can't really keep on top of. (Please don't think I'm unsympathetic, btw. I can SEE how hard all this is for him.) He accused me of talking to his doctor in secret about his medical needs. Not true, but he changed doctor and said he would report her to the medical association. (Fortunately he seemingly isn't organised or energetic enough to carry through. Fortunately too he still lets me visit every two months or so to cook and comfort and visit.) Now he has sacked the only home help he had, the cleaner who's been coming in for a few hours every other week for 30 years. He accuses her of stealing things he can't find that have no real value -- a winter hat, most recently a white china vase of the kind florists often give free with flowers.
From 4000 miles away, with my next visit scheduled for December 20, I'm not sure how worried to be, still less what to do. Do any of you think this could be signs of dementia? And if so, do I have to wait till he, too, falls into a crisis that will bring in the police and social services? Is there anything I should try doing before December?
