Took my oh to day care for the first time on Wednesday. We had been there for lunch a few times to get used to the place and the manager came to the house to "assess" him. We arrived and although they didn't seem to have been told he was coming, made us welcome and took us up the lounge. Ten o'clock in morning and the huge TV was already on, tuned into The Jeremy Kyle Show!!! My oh doesn't like much TV and can't stand adverts - bad start - anyway after I had sat with him for a while he said I could go. I had seven and a half hours to myself for the first time for I can't remember how long and it was a beautiful day. However when my daughter went to collect her father she found that he had been moved from the area used for day care visitors to the more secure dementia unit and there seemed to be a lot not said. He seemed reasonably calm when they got home and he was tired so went to bed early, but then he always does. But he wasn't very settled and in fact was awake till 2 a.m. wandering round, going downstairs because of the (imaginary) people down there and leaving lights on so that people would know something was wrong. This is not typical of his night time behaviour at all and very stressful. Fortunately by morning he was calmer and more his old self but I certainly don't want to risk another day there for quite a long time and will investigate other venues. I really had hoped this home could have taken him one day a week but not to be. I had prepared him for this place, which is just two miles from where we live, as being somewhere where he would feel safe if for any reason I was unable to care for him for a short time. We are both in our seventies and mishaps can happen. The manager hasn't contacted me but I will email her just to ask, very politely, if anything unexpected had happened during the visit.
Day care
- Thread starter Lucianne
- Start date
It must be very worrying for you and I would have expected the Manager or another member of staff to have contacted you and reported on reported on how the day went.
It's a disgrace that so many old people are plonked in front of blaring TVs - like your OH, my Mum is not a fan of TV and hated being put in a room full of people watching it. You got Jeremy Kyle, my Mums home always had programmes about moving to Australia or house renovations both things that not one single person in her home would have a hope in hell of doing.
You could always try a different day centre. X
It's a disgrace that so many old people are plonked in front of blaring TVs - like your OH, my Mum is not a fan of TV and hated being put in a room full of people watching it. You got Jeremy Kyle, my Mums home always had programmes about moving to Australia or house renovations both things that not one single person in her home would have a hope in hell of doing.
You could always try a different day centre. X
Thanks, SnowWhite. The home we tried is supposed to have a very good reputation but there is another one that has been recommended. It is further away and having made a mess of getting my OH to the first one it will now take time to introduce the idea of another one. Hey ho.
Lucianne the experience sounds dreadful please don't give up on day care perhaps that just wasn't the right one. The day centre my oh goes to is so good they play games have quizzes make things have excersise visiting singers have never seen a television and the staff are jolly good fun!
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I should perhaps have also said my oh has never been a "group" sort of person and considered needing a hobby as a weakness so, even though he enjoyed the one session of Singing for the Brain I took him to, he has refused to go again. He had never been a card player or sudoku or crossword solver so any day centre will have its work cut out. He likes to be the centre of attention or a one-to-one relationship and I am very lucky that I do have two lovely ladies who visit and take him out each week. But Wednesday was so relaxing for me, not having to look at my watch all the time.
I should perhaps have also said my oh has never been a "group" sort of person and considered needing a hobby as a weakness so, even though he enjoyed the one session of Singing for the Brain I took him to, he has refused to go again. He had never been a card player or sudoku or crossword solver so any day centre will have its work cut out. He likes to be the centre of attention or a one-to-one relationship and I am very lucky that I do have two lovely ladies who visit and take him out each week. But Wednesday was so relaxing for me, not having to look at my watch all the time.
Then I think you should persevere too. The one we were offered (but we are using Cogs, instead at the moment) was all activities, games and speakers. You say your husband was more a one to one...
Mine too, but remember this illness may change that. Is there not a Cogs in your area? So sorry this is rushed...duty calls!
I have never seen a TV programme on in my husband's day centre. In the afternoons occasionally a group may choose to watch a film or a comedy DVD or the men might watch a football or war DVD but this is not the usual.. They are kept very busy with other activities. Seven and a half hours does seem a long day to me. Five is more usual.
My OH goes twice a week to a local day centre and he loves it. Before he started I didn't think he would enjoy it as he is a loner. The centre has several small rooms with different activities or a quiet room if preferred. Do keep trying to get him to a Day centre as that time to yourself helps to recharge your batteries. Good luck @Lucianne
Hi @Lucianne , I'm sorry to hear that the day care you found was not suitable.
It certainly wouldn't have suited my husband either - I have to be very careful with what my husband watches on tv as he can become very worried and unsettled and I'm afraid the likes of the Jeremy Kyle Show with all its arguing and mayhem would have distressed and unsettled him for quite some time afterwards.
There are much more suitable day centres to be found. At the one my husband attends, the approach is very 'person centred ' so everyone gets to do things that they personally enjoy.
I do hope this experience has not put you off - day centres are a fantastic facility which provide a much needed break for the carer - and are usually a positive experience for the attendee.
My husband has never attended day care within a care home setting and I wonder if that is the difference? It sounds to me like that was the setting for the day care you found and possibly why there was a tv on in the lounge?
My husband attends an Age UK dementia specific day centre. It might be worth looking for something similar where you are. It won't help as far as finding a suitable place for respite goes, but it will help your husband become used to being away from you in a safe environment, as well as enabling you to have a break.
It certainly wouldn't have suited my husband either - I have to be very careful with what my husband watches on tv as he can become very worried and unsettled and I'm afraid the likes of the Jeremy Kyle Show with all its arguing and mayhem would have distressed and unsettled him for quite some time afterwards.
There are much more suitable day centres to be found. At the one my husband attends, the approach is very 'person centred ' so everyone gets to do things that they personally enjoy.
I do hope this experience has not put you off - day centres are a fantastic facility which provide a much needed break for the carer - and are usually a positive experience for the attendee.
My husband has never attended day care within a care home setting and I wonder if that is the difference? It sounds to me like that was the setting for the day care you found and possibly why there was a tv on in the lounge?
My husband attends an Age UK dementia specific day centre. It might be worth looking for something similar where you are. It won't help as far as finding a suitable place for respite goes, but it will help your husband become used to being away from you in a safe environment, as well as enabling you to have a break.
Sorry to hear of your bad experience. My oh went to Day Care for the firstb ime this week and like yours i didn't expect him to settle. It's a stand alone facility locally and 2 jolly people came to collect him in a bus making a great fuss of him. He was ok, but described what he thought of as infantile games! But was ok and even ate lunch and pudding although I had warned them he might not as he's fussy. They brought him back 5 hours later and he says he will go again as it's gives me a chance to attend a singing group I enjoy. So do try again somewhere else, good luck.
Re-reading this thread and it would appear that the day care is at a home. That makes sense. When I was doing my long tour of care homes Some of the "lounges" were full and It was explained to me that some people just came for the day. I hadn't realised this happened and just assumed all people were residents.
I think the OP should look at a non residential day centre as they almost certainly will not have a TV and there will be activities arranged. I can completely understand what bliss it must be for the OP to get several hours to herself.
I worked for 18 years as an Activities Co-ordinator at day care centres with older people and we used to do things like water colour painting, adult colouring, salt dough work, decoupage, painted stones, rag rugging, table decorations, birthday and Christmas cards, quizzes and a host of other things. I also always rearranged the sitting area when I arrived so that people who didn't want to do activities were NOT seated around the edge of the room as this discourages conversation. I used to encourage the people working with me to go and show the others what they had made so they felt included and often people would then show an interest in doing Something.
I also worked as a volunteer for 3 years with an organisation helping older socially isolated people and we did similar things plus learning to use computers.
I think the OP should look at a non residential day centre as they almost certainly will not have a TV and there will be activities arranged. I can completely understand what bliss it must be for the OP to get several hours to herself.
I worked for 18 years as an Activities Co-ordinator at day care centres with older people and we used to do things like water colour painting, adult colouring, salt dough work, decoupage, painted stones, rag rugging, table decorations, birthday and Christmas cards, quizzes and a host of other things. I also always rearranged the sitting area when I arrived so that people who didn't want to do activities were NOT seated around the edge of the room as this discourages conversation. I used to encourage the people working with me to go and show the others what they had made so they felt included and often people would then show an interest in doing Something.
I also worked as a volunteer for 3 years with an organisation helping older socially isolated people and we did similar things plus learning to use computers.
I just had a wee google and think it might be this -
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/dacorum/our-services/dementia-services-cogs-club/
Thank you...that is exactly it. I am sorry, I should have left it until I had time to reply properly!
Thank you, everyone, for your encouraging replies. I don't know of any day centres not within homes in this area but will ask around. I will persevere and also try and get some feedback from the home we tried so that I can try and prevent any "mistakes" we may have made. I think a shorter day might be better. It was the hime's manager who suggested he stayed for high tea at 5 pm.
I'll keep you posted and it has been a relief sharing the experience.
I'll keep you posted and it has been a relief sharing the experience.
If you haven't already done this it might be worth searching for something suitable using this search link on the Alzheimer's Society website.
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/...4.1471196555.1503567248-1065426022.1503315204
You just need to add your postcode and then search - you can filter your search to just look for day centres or you can look for a more general range of suitable groups and activities available locally.
Good luck
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/...4.1471196555.1503567248-1065426022.1503315204
You just need to add your postcode and then search - you can filter your search to just look for day centres or you can look for a more general range of suitable groups and activities available locally.
Good luck
