Had an awful time earlier with my partner. He needed to go to the toilet. We did the usual thing pull down trousers and pants and sit on the loo, he has done this many times successfully, but tonight he wanted to see what he was doing and kept lifting his willy up over the seat and I kept pushing it out of sight and said "you can wee now in the toilet, you are sitting on the toilet". We have a raised seat with handles to help him stand up. This fiasco went on for too long for me I got really cross and shouted at him which of course did no good. Eventually I got him to stand up and do it but of course it went everywhere! Must put a bucket in the bathroom, he has used that before. I hate getting so cross, I felt rotten and so sorry for him. B******y disease. Just hope he sleeps well tonight.
I was rotten
- Thread starter sajimjo
- Start date
Sorry to hear about you're situation, toilet time can be a nightmare for all of us specially when it becomes incontinence.
Luckily for me I have a wife so she was used to sitting down to use the loo, before she forgot the whole concept of what a toilet was and what it was for.
As you say it's a " B******y disease" not just for the suffer but for those who care too.
K
Luckily for me I have a wife so she was used to sitting down to use the loo, before she forgot the whole concept of what a toilet was and what it was for.
As you say it's a " B******y disease" not just for the suffer but for those who care too.
K
I don't have any wise words to offer. I just want to say that you shouldn't feel rotten about yourself. When I reach that snapping point, and I do, I take a few deep breaths and start again.
Just think of how much worse it would be for your partner without your care and how you are doing as good a job as you can. The role of carer is rough and we all have an end to our tether.
Just think of how much worse it would be for your partner without your care and how you are doing as good a job as you can. The role of carer is rough and we all have an end to our tether.
I’m sorry you’re having a bad time. You’re certainly not rotten. I remember how things used to build up for me and my reaction was often just like yours.
I used to use a bottle for my husband. I wondered if you’ve tried that. It was like this -
https://www.incontinenceshop.com/ma...KDCUicZvjQ38QTfuo_Q66wdXga-unKIIaArfDEALw_wcB
He still sat down but I held that to him.
I used to use a bottle for my husband. I wondered if you’ve tried that. It was like this -
https://www.incontinenceshop.com/ma...KDCUicZvjQ38QTfuo_Q66wdXga-unKIIaArfDEALw_wcB
He still sat down but I held that to him.
Don't feel rotten I'm sure we all have that point when we snap, mine was when we had an appointment to get to and he just flatly refused to stand up so I could change his trousers as they were filthy in the end just cancelled the appointment. Have you tried a urinal I stand my husband up in the night to use one after spending time and energy walking him to the bathroom it's a much easier option.
Hi, I don't have any answers I'm afraid, this is something my husband and I are going through too - and it is enough to try the patience of a saint. I just wanted to say that I know, and I understand.
Until a few weeks ago, going to the loo was a fairly easily managed event. Now there is total confusion getting hubby to understand how to sit on the loo - and what to do once sitting there.
I have started using the kind of bottle @Izzy suggested and that worked well. However he is now totally confused about that too and often just stands or sits in total confusion as to what is expected of him. He knows well in advance when he needs the toilet (he tells me each time) but we can have several attempts over several hours with nothing but looking around in confusion. It seems that he needs to be on the very point of bursting before any kind of clarity about what to do gets triggered, which leaves me seconds to get to him in time.
On the rare occasions I do get him to sit down to wee It can go all over the place because he stops pointing down half way through. I have tried the bottle when he is sitting, and sometimes a plastic 'p-shield' to help contain everything - these worked initially but now they often just confuse him too and he doesn't finish the job. He was doing ok standing up to use the bottle but now I find he is just standing, doing nothing for ages - and then losing his balance as his mobility is deteriorating too.
I've also got a developing problem now that, because he is more likely to stand for the bottle, he is not sitting on the loo to have a regular BM. I struggle to sit him on the loo and he stands straight back up again!
As I say, I have no real answers yet, I'm just persevering through gritted teeth and muffled cusses when it happens. I just wanted you to know that I understand and that you should not be so hard on yourself x
Until a few weeks ago, going to the loo was a fairly easily managed event. Now there is total confusion getting hubby to understand how to sit on the loo - and what to do once sitting there.
I have started using the kind of bottle @Izzy suggested and that worked well. However he is now totally confused about that too and often just stands or sits in total confusion as to what is expected of him. He knows well in advance when he needs the toilet (he tells me each time) but we can have several attempts over several hours with nothing but looking around in confusion. It seems that he needs to be on the very point of bursting before any kind of clarity about what to do gets triggered, which leaves me seconds to get to him in time.
On the rare occasions I do get him to sit down to wee It can go all over the place because he stops pointing down half way through. I have tried the bottle when he is sitting, and sometimes a plastic 'p-shield' to help contain everything - these worked initially but now they often just confuse him too and he doesn't finish the job. He was doing ok standing up to use the bottle but now I find he is just standing, doing nothing for ages - and then losing his balance as his mobility is deteriorating too.
I've also got a developing problem now that, because he is more likely to stand for the bottle, he is not sitting on the loo to have a regular BM. I struggle to sit him on the loo and he stands straight back up again!
As I say, I have no real answers yet, I'm just persevering through gritted teeth and muffled cusses when it happens. I just wanted you to know that I understand and that you should not be so hard on yourself x
Well we are the same getting him to sit down is a work of art and his body is so steadfast and stiff like concrete!!!.
But I must tell you this ,while preparing him for his shower last night he was rambling on using his arms trying to explain but no words and then he said crocodile.I understood then he needed the toilet before his shower.Oh dear it could have been worse .haha xxx xxx much love
But I must tell you this ,while preparing him for his shower last night he was rambling on using his arms trying to explain but no words and then he said crocodile.I understood then he needed the toilet before his shower.Oh dear it could have been worse .haha xxx xxx much love
When I lose my cool my husband will say something like “You just have to ask me nicely”. Of course I may have being doing that ad nauseam but he has forgotten immediately. I am wondering if playing pleasant music while he’s in the shower room would help. Our mornings are often stressed and the music might help me as much as John. Spotify sent me a playlist a few weeks ago so I will try that tomorrow morning.
Thank you all for your replies, that was the first time I got so wound up, managed to bite my lip before. He did accept my apologies soon after and we had a good night. Today thankfully he is at day care which he likes, so that is good.
I have tried him with a bottle but didn't get on very well, got on better with a bucket. Like many of your PWD his mobility is not good and can't stand for very long. Thankfully he has not stood up to do BM, but that happened to me when I had to organise care etc for my ex-husband.
Again thanks everyone. I do keep reading TP but don't often have the chance to post, but you all help so much. Bless you all. X
I have tried him with a bottle but didn't get on very well, got on better with a bucket. Like many of your PWD his mobility is not good and can't stand for very long. Thankfully he has not stood up to do BM, but that happened to me when I had to organise care etc for my ex-husband.
Again thanks everyone. I do keep reading TP but don't often have the chance to post, but you all help so much. Bless you all. X
The one and only good thing about my husband seeing me as different people is that if I have got cross I leave the room for 5 minutes or so, go back in and ask how he is and if he says anything about it I just say it was the other woman and she has left. Don't beat yourself up @sajimjo , we don't get any training and it is full time and I don't know about you but not what either of us expected to be doing.
You have nothing to feel rotten for.
You're doing and amazing job by caring for him on your own terms and being there to offer one to one support.
It can all be too much sometimes, it's mentally challenging to see your loved one slowly loosing themselves it's only right to feel agitated that there's nothing we can do to have them back!
You take care of yourself, remember you need care too! You will thank yourself for being there for him.
Lots of love x @sajimjo
You're doing and amazing job by caring for him on your own terms and being there to offer one to one support.
It can all be too much sometimes, it's mentally challenging to see your loved one slowly loosing themselves it's only right to feel agitated that there's nothing we can do to have them back!
You take care of yourself, remember you need care too! You will thank yourself for being there for him.
Lots of love x @sajimjo
What lovely replies from you all, so far it has not happened again. @LynneMcV, we seem to experience the same problems, as I read your thread I kept saying yes to myself. I think there was an earlier thread when we had very similar problems.
@Everton Annie, I will often pop in the garden or upstairs with my binoculars as we are surrounded by fields and I love bird watching.
@Fkdementia77, I have also picked up some knitting and sewing as doing creative things has always helped me in times of stress.
Time I went to bed now. Peaceful night everyone. x
@Everton Annie, I will often pop in the garden or upstairs with my binoculars as we are surrounded by fields and I love bird watching.
@Fkdementia77, I have also picked up some knitting and sewing as doing creative things has always helped me in times of stress.
Time I went to bed now. Peaceful night everyone. x
