Mam's routine

Bassman.

Registered User
Aug 31, 2015
23
0
On a Monday afternoon my Mother visits a local church with my wife for an afternoon of singing with people who are facing the same issues and their carers.
On a Wednesday per month they have a non food shopping trip , whilst on a Thursday they have a food shopping trip with lunch afterwards.
Friday my Mam goes to a daycare centre who provide lunch and trips out in a minibus to either coast or country and then activities in the afternoon or when the weather is inclement.
On either a Saturday or Sunday we both take her out for the day or if possible for the weekend to our caravan around an hours drive away.
Mam then tells a relative who lives 3000 miles away in Canada and calls regularly that she is "Totally Housebound" and never gets out of her flat.

These are the times when I find it difficult and so frustrating.
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
6,083
0
East Sussex
Hi @Bassman.

It seems fairly common for people to forget they’ve just been out, had a visitor or been shopping, my mum is early stages & regularly tells me it’s weeks since my brother visited, my eldest phoned, or a neighbour talked to her. I live with her, so I remind her that it’s a few days, that my brother came over yesterday & we did x,y or z, that x neighbour came over & they ate all the cake :rolleyes:

Unfortunately if the relative doesn’t know her routine, they may be reinforcing your mums version of events. Could you send a short email every Sunday, chatty but short, saying a little about each day she was out, I’d do something like ...

Mam Really enjoyed Monday singing, they did Elvis / ABBA / 1960’s & she was dancing in her chair, she found a skirt on Wednesday that I’m going to have to swop as it’s the wrong size & on Friday she got a trip to xxx seaside, she only wanted to go paddling!!! We tried a new cafe on Sunday, but Mum hated the xxx, but it all worked out

You are then letting the relative know your mam gets out & giving something more to talk about. You are also getting someone else to reinforce memories of shopping trips, garden centre trips & illuminations trips.

It might not make a difference, but it might help you feel less like you are doing so much & being told you are doing so little.

People talk about the “feeling” or “emotion” as being retained even if the memory of the event causing that emotion is gone.

It’s just a suggestion, I’ve started doing a “round robin” letter to friends & relatives at Christmas, Easter & another random date, it’s a way for me to let people know Mum is still doing stuff & to try to get them to be in touch with her. Unfortunately for my purse, they don’t do email. So it’s snail mail for me :oops:
 

JayneMJ

New member
Oct 21, 2017
1
0
We have the same from mum, never sees anyone, never goes anywhere, so I started to write everything on a memo board, now she knows who was with her as she sees it every day and she can tell us what she ate, etc. It's in the kitchen, so she passes it every time she gets a cup of tea.
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
4,332
0
Victoria, Australia
Perhaps you could include a few pictures along with your emails showing her in different places and doing different things with other people.

Because the relative lives so far away, they may not fully understand your mum's condition so naturally believe her.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,442
0
Kent
Perhaps your Mother is confusing being dependent with being totally housebound.

This is completely different but I had a wonderful care package for my husband. I had two hours daily plus half an hour morning and evening for help with dressing and undressing.

In comparison with others I was one of the lucky ones in getting so much help and support.

It came as a shock to realise I still had sole responsibility for my husband and was thus housebound for 21 hours daily.
 

Moggymad

Registered User
May 12, 2017
1,314
0
Following on from Sam's post could you keep a diary of events / visitors for your mum to read when she thinks she hasn't been anywhere or seen anyone? Could she even write in it herself which might help reinforce the memory.
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,723
0
Suffolk
Your mother had no, or very little, short term memory, so of course she hasn’t been out! If it was a special do, I used to take photos of OH at the event and put up on the wall, which was a small reminder. Though many don’t recognise themselves!
Keep a diary for those that visit, tell the rest what the routine involves.
Be prepared to explain exactly what poor short term memory really involves, many do not understand or appreciate what it entails.
 

fortune

Registered User
Sep 12, 2014
146
0
I had this with mum and bought a cheap wipe-clean message board. Anything that's happening goes on there, with the time and date it is happening and it has really made a difference. Next to the board is one of those memory clocks that says eg "Today is Monday 4th of September. Time now is 11.45". Mum has a much better handle on what is going on, and it also serves as a source of conversation for visitors.
 

Bassman.

Registered User
Aug 31, 2015
23
0
Thank you for your lovely responses and I value everyone's help.
The whiteboard idea is one I am certainly going to take on board especially with a wipe clean as Mam writes things down however trying to write on a calendar with a ball pen at ninety degrees eventually the pen dries out and the " useless pens", "the calendar" and even" the wall " is all my fault.

Much appreciated. x
 

Staff online

Forum statistics

Threads
138,109
Messages
1,993,073
Members
89,776
Latest member
Alister