Can I ... Should I?

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
6,083
0
East Sussex
Hi @rosy18

I read somewhere today to cough just as they jab you, it’s supposed to be a natural pain block. I’d check with the needle thrower first though :p

I’m not going to the GP for ours, Tesco are doing a walk in & have it now, or do a bit of shopping & then slot it in :eek:, I believe Boots are also doing it. If they mess you about tomorrow, tell em you are going elsewhere :confused: I don’t understand how they can make you hang about when they know you don’t get out much :rolleyes: It’s just not fair :(

Dentists terrify me, but the hygienist is torture. I have sensitive teeth, so cold Walter sprayed about is agony, so I tried it once & have never returned :eek:

I’ve read somewhere about people forgetting how to go, or where they should go, so holding it in until they just can’t. I can’t for the life of me remember what the suggested solutions were. I’m guessing you / carers talk to your mum about what you are doing, I know you’ve said she fiddles when she needs to go. I do hope this passes soon (no pun intended) :p

I’m still waiting on a price for the work, but the new wing has arrived & new door locks should be here next week. I’m looking forward to getting it back & showing Mum. She asked me about names today & she likes the idea of Poppet :D
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
6,083
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East Sussex
I had the saddest conversation with Mum today, which I repeated to big brother & he looked so sad too

Mum was talking about her friend D & how D seems to be losing it, I reminded Mum that D has dementia, which didn’t really register.

Mum then asked if she had dementia & I said, no Mum, you’ve just got Alzheimer’s (again it didn’t register what that is)

So Mum then said, it’s scarey. It’s scarey for me

So I held her hand & told her not to be scared, D’s son visits every evening for 5 minutes, but Mum is rarely alone. I’m here 24/7, she doesn’t need to be scared.

As I said to big brother, I have to pretend she’s not Mum, but talk to her like a child, telling her the big bad wolf won’t get her, it’s so sad when I walk away & think I’ve just talked to my mum like she’s 5 years old, she accepted that & she’s ok now.

But I’m not ok with it
 

DollyBird16

Registered User
Sep 5, 2017
1,185
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Greater London
@Sam Luvit
Hi I so get the that conversation and how you had to speak to Mum. I do the same all the time.
It’s so so hard.
Mum told me yet other night she only has a year to live. I laughed it off then cried when alone. X
 

HillyBilly

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Dec 21, 2015
1,946
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Ireland
Hugs @Sam Luvit it's not something we can easily be OK with, but we can get used to it because it works. And if it works then it's OK. I think the "scary part" for the PWD is often the worst part to witness and to deal with.
My Mum did get past this phase and was then less worried and somehow more...accepting (?) not sure if this is the right word, might come up with a more accurate one!
 

2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,598
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West Midlands
I'm not getting my usual email notifications that there is "activity" on your thread and just happened across your recent news

It is painful. It's just so wrong realising you are talking to your mum as if they were your child. It feels so wrong doesn't it.

But if that's what's needed, that's what we do, don't we

Mum was comforted by me telling her my white lies that she wasn't going batty, (her words) it was just because she had spent so long in intensive care. She seemed to hold on to the understanding that she had been in intensive care and that she would "get over" her muddles soon

In the early days, She was scared of what it would all mean if she didn't remember things

I was Able, thankfully, to ask if she trusted me. When she responded "always" I told her I would make it ok, might take time, but it would be ok, just trust me

With hindsight, I don't think I really helped to address her fears, didn't get her to explain exactly what she was frightened of. Hindsight is not good. What I think I did do, was keep her emotions "happy"

squishy hug xxxxx
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
6,083
0
East Sussex
Hi @HillyBilly

I hate that she is scared, in some ways, the fact that she tells me she is scared is worse, if that makes sense. Nothing scared my mum, not snakes in the grass, not travelling a few thousand miles to an unknown place with young children, not lions in the game parks, but this, this loss of what’s happening, this vile thing, this scares her.

I listen to myself talking to her at times & mentally shake my head at myself, I say things like “.. do “this” there’s a good girl” & “ be a love ..”, as I would to a child & it sounds wrong, but she doesn’t question me, she accepts it

I know it works & that’s what matters, until I sit alone & start questioning it :rolleyes:
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
6,083
0
East Sussex
Hi @DollyBird16

Talking to Mum like a child has become my new natural, I boss her into doing things, then I tuck her into bed, I sit & talk to her, when she’s tired. She’s tired a lot right now. She’s not I’ll, as such, but she seems to be slipping away

Part of me wants to tell her that’s ok, in my heart I know she’s had enough, she doesn’t see the point, she’s nothing to look forward to, but I don’t want her to feel that I want her to give up.

Part of me wants to grab her & make her get out there, see friends, make new memories, but I know that’s for me, not her :( & it feels selfish

Can’t get it right in my head
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
6,083
0
East Sussex
Hi @2jays

Maybe check at the top of the thread if it says “watch thread” or “unwatch thread”. As with most IT, unwatch it, close by going to something else like recent posts, then select the thread & watch. In English, that means you stop watching it, then change your mind & watch it again. It might work.

Yes, realising I’m talking to Mum like I did the kids when they were little is wrong, but it works, so it’s not wrong, but ... You know what I mean, it’s such a relief not to have to try to explain, I don’t even bother trying in the real world. Now that is sad too :oops:

Mum doesn’t know what Alzheimer’s is now, for which I am very grateful, but it is sad too, as she nursed Alzheimer’s patients. It’s just a word to her now, with no power to upset her. She sees her friend D with dementia & worries she will get like that. Poor D just forgets things, doesn’t return calls & has become a little grubby. Mum can’t understand why D cant smell her flat & gets upset that D forgets they were going to meet up. :( I feel like I’m consoling a child at kindergarten about their new best friend not talking to them today o_O

Mum doesn’t worry about not remembering things, she seems scared of becoming a little old lady that people pity, being smelly & people talking about her. I do try to tell her she’s ok, that I shampoo carpets & the house is clean (messy, but clean). Maybe that’s why she tidies so much :eek:

Hindsight is 20 20 vision my dear. We can only do what we believe is best at the time. That’s all any of us do. I’ll bring the baseball bat & give that nasty GM a good thwack when I see you. :D
 
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Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
6,083
0
East Sussex
Got to try a bit of positive, before I drown in self pity

Mums been going to a beauty place to get her eyebrows done & they make a pigs ear of it, it really winds me up. Now, those who have met me know I’m not exactly a make up queen, 10 minutes sees me showered, hair washed, made up & dressed & heading for the bar, but ....

I was thinking about getting back into study, but another degree is off the table as no way could I disappear for several hours a day to pour over books, so I thought I might take up something else

Flower arranging is not my thing. Basic car mechanics might be useful with the MH, but it might be better to look at something I might be able to use, who knows, maybe in time I could earn something from it :eek:

So I was wondering about massage, facial, or even beauty stuff (might even learn something for me :p ). With my total lack of interest in slapping on the make up, what do you think? Is there something I could take as evening classes, adult education etc that would mean I could give Mum a facial, relax her, maybe sort out the eyebrows :eek:
 

DollyBird16

Registered User
Sep 5, 2017
1,185
0
Greater London
Hi @DollyBird16

Talking to Mum like a child has become my new natural, I boss her into doing things, then I tuck her into bed, I sit & talk to her, when she’s tired. She’s tired a lot right now. She’s not I’ll, as such, but she seems to be slipping away

Part of me wants to tell her that’s ok, in my heart I know she’s had enough, she doesn’t see the point, she’s nothing to look forward to, but I don’t want her to feel that I want her to give up.

Part of me wants to grab her & make her get out there, see friends, make new memories, but I know that’s for me, not her :( & it feels selfish

Can’t get it right in my head
Hi
Seems like we are in the same place it’s how I speak to my Mum.
At times she tells me I’m bossy and says now you are the Mum.
I hate that she is so frightened of these ‘people’ in her own home she will hang around out side the door of a room afraid to go in because ‘they’ are there. I’m constantly reassuring her.
The other night she was so tired I encouraged her to bed a little earlier than normal- quite excited I may be in bed before 11 - she asked me to sit with her, so ‘they’ couldn’t drag her out of bed and put her I the middle of the road to die.
I just can’t imagine the torture she is going through and I cannot change it.
She does day centre but same as your Mum would and could not go out alone.
Anyway tomorrow has gone today is here.
Beauty is a great idea you could learn and make money. I’m too clumsy to do that kind of stuff.
Have a the best day you can get. I often wonder how your day is going. X
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
6,083
0
East Sussex
Hi @DollyBird16

Yes, I’m a Mum again :rolleyes:, not something I imagined would happen. No chance of improvements, no distant glimpses of getting my life back without losing someone. :(

So far, Mum is not seeing anyone that’s not here, so I’ve that to look forward to I guess, I’ll be asking what worked, other than hand holding, hair stroking & gentle tones. What a mess. What a life :(

I’ve been told about a place in town that do activities, but I’m short on details so far, it would have to be the one moody person in the area who knows. I’ll have to bite my tongue & wear a smile to try to extract details. She said it’s an “over 50’s” club, but when I laughingly said I could join in, she amended that to “over 60’s” & looked very pleased that I’d be excluded. No idea what I’ve done to the woman, as I barely know her, but she takes great delight in talking across me in a group of just looking me up & down & then ignoring me :eek: I guess it takes all sorts ;)

Mum’s just come in from taking the dog round the block, it tipped it down while she was out, so I had a proper home made latte ready for her as she came in. She was delighted & has drunk it all. Now happy & warm. Long may that feeling last.
 

DollyBird16

Registered User
Sep 5, 2017
1,185
0
Greater London
Hi @DollyBird16

Yes, I’m a Mum again :rolleyes:, not something I imagined would happen. No chance of improvements, no distant glimpses of getting my life back without losing someone. :(

So far, Mum is not seeing anyone that’s not here, so I’ve that to look forward to I guess, I’ll be asking what worked, other than hand holding, hair stroking & gentle tones. What a mess. What a life :(

I’ve been told about a place in town that do activities, but I’m short on details so far, it would have to be the one moody person in the area who knows. I’ll have to bite my tongue & wear a smile to try to extract details. She said it’s an “over 50’s” club, but when I laughingly said I could join in, she amended that to “over 60’s” & looked very pleased that I’d be excluded. No idea what I’ve done to the woman, as I barely know her, but she takes great delight in talking across me in a group of just looking me up & down & then ignoring me :eek: I guess it takes all sorts ;)

Mum’s just come in from taking the dog round the block, it tipped it down while she was out, so I had a proper home made latte ready for her as she came in. She was delighted & has drunk it all. Now happy & warm. Long may that feeling last.
LOL
How funny I must have met the same snooty person at a club I took Mum to one Saturday. Laughingly saying ooh I could join, she was not impressed made it clear you had to be over 60. I was tempted to say surely I look it now, I feel like i’ve aged 10 years at least!
Hang in there our Mums know what we’re doing they are Mums.
This morning I got email from lottery, please log in to your account we have news... conversation with myself begins.... eek this is it, login carefully concentrate, take your time, breathe in my account, breathe games, you have won £4.20.
Yeah! X
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
6,083
0
East Sussex
This morning I got email from lottery, please log in to your account we have news... conversation with myself begins.... eek this is it, login carefully concentrate, take your time, breathe in my account, breathe games, you have won £4.20.
Yeah! X

:D:D:D I checked my emails, nothing :p
 

Slugsta

Registered User
Aug 25, 2015
2,758
0
South coast of England
Congratulations DollyBird! Will you want to know us all now that you have come into money?? :D

It must be utterly awful to see your mothers so distressed :( I am lucky that Mum doesn't seem to have had any distress about her dementia, even when she knew she was forgetting things. I am also sooooo lucky that she has not experienced any of the terrible delusions that some of you witness (I remember the day AnnMac told us that MIL had woken in the morning believing it was the day she was going to be hanged :(). In my book, anything you do to keep your PWD calm and happy is fine by me! (((hugs))).

Hubby and I had intended to go to a Food Fair at a local market town today. However, it only took me from the front door to the car to decide that it was faaaar too windy. So we went out for coffee/lunch/cake instead :) As it happened, I later read that the food thingy had been cancelled due to the weather anyway. It is sounding very blowy outside again - but we are snug and warm inside in front of the TV.

I hope that everyone here is also safe and snug.
 

rosy18

Registered User
Jul 23, 2016
1,281
0
Blackpool
Aw Sam it's a tough journey we are all on. I can remember Mum out of the blue saying to me a few years ago "Is there something wrong with me" I just said sometimes you get a little forgetful but it's nothing to worry about I'm here and always will be. Nothing was ever mentioned again and Mum no longer understands the words dementia or alzheimers.
It's such a frightening disease for our loved ones and all we can do is try to reassure with hugs hand holding soothing talk and yes treating them like a small child as you help them to bed tuck them in hold their hand stroke their hair and PG they feel safe. Your doing everything right Sam and the role reversal is the only way we can care for our Mums hard though it is as life just becomes so very different to what is was.

Dollybird is your Mum on any Meds?My Mum used to have terrible hallucinations seeing dead bodies on our lounge floor and wanting to get out of the house every day to get away from all the dangerous people.
Mum was put on small dose of trazadone and although she still hallucinates the people are now ok not dangerous or scarey, so we live with a house full of people but as Mum says they are a good Crowd!!

Slugsta the weather has been horrendous here today so windy and non stop rain. I think you were right to snuggle up infront of the tele
I got Mum settled then poured myself a glass of red had my lasagne and salad and watched strictly perfect:p

Hope everyone has a good Sunday and the weather is better than today.
Night God bless xx
 

rosy18

Registered User
Jul 23, 2016
1,281
0
Blackpool
Ps Sam forget to mention had my flu jab felt nothing at the time but gosh has my arm been tender since. Woke up this morning and getting dressed thought what have I done to my arm then remembered my flu jab. Hope it goes soon no good for lifting Mum up and down:confused:
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
6,083
0
East Sussex
Hey @rosy18

(I love your rose) .... just saying :D

Mum knew exactly what dementia, Alzheimer’s etc was, until about 6 weeks ago, she stressed over it, knowing exactly what it was & what it meant, now, well, it could be cheese or sand or a cuddly bear, it’s a foreign language that she pretends to understand, but truely hasn’t a clue. I’m so glad. The relief when she looked totally blankly at me can’t be described, I don’t have the language to express it, but know this, I was beyond grateful to know she no longer knew the meaning. My brother joked, isn’t that what Alzheimer’s is, forgetting, but he was right. In a dark black humour way, we laughed at the relief at that forgotten memory

My knowledge of nursing / caring or whatever you call it, was only through Mum (or dad by default), so I feel my way through this. In a comforting way, I feel my dad guiding me in what to do. I’m not massively religious, but I do feel he’s somewhere, getting cross with us when we argue (the TV turns itself on), but I also get a feeling, a reassurance, when I’m getting it right. :rolleyes: I could of course, just be over tired :eek:

I’ve celebrated getting through the week (just felt like a L O N G week), with a bottle of Prosecco & I think I may sleep tonight :p

Did you try the cough before the prick???? I’m going to try getting Mum in next week, as soon as her cold has eased. You really need to move your arm, if it’s anything like other vaccinations, keep lifting your arm, even a few inches, every 10 minutes to move the stuff into your system and away from site of injection.

Hope you have a quick knicker fight & get some rest :D
 

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