Grumpy OH

[longlostfan]

Hope you can go on working as long as possible because it helps you not to have that horrible (in my opinion) feeling of being " a carer only"

Thanks Margherita, you're so right and I am lucky to have those few hours a week when I become "me" again. Am never sure how long this can last, but as long as it does I will go with it. Never quite sure what I might discover when I get back, but he usually stays watching tv or goes to bed. When I got back on Saturday some chilled breaded scampi in the fridge which I'd been planning to cook for our tea had been opened and he'd obviously esten some of them raw......I decided not to point it out (I'd left him plenty of food already prepared which he'd also eaten) as I didn't want any stomach clutchings etc along the lines of "you didn't cook it") Would have thought it might have tasted odd but there you go. At least the tin of cat food I'd also left in the fridge was still there!!!!

 

[margherita]

Thanks Margherita, you're so right and I am lucky to have those few hours a week when I become "me" again. Am never sure how long this can last, but as long as it does I will go with it. Never quite sure what I might discover when I get back, but he usually stays watching tv or goes to bed. When I got back on Saturday some chilled breaded scampi in the fridge which I'd been planning to cook for our tea had been opened and he'd obviously esten some of them raw......I decided not to point it out (I'd left him plenty of food already prepared which he'd also eaten) as I didn't want any stomach clutchings etc along the lines of "you didn't cook it") Would have thought it might have tasted odd but there you go. At least the tin of cat food I'd also left in the fridge was still there!!!!

Hi Longlostfan,
I can leave my husband on his own by day, but I am not sure it is safe at night.
Today I will not be at home for dinner since I have to go and see a friend who is in hospital about 80 miles from here.
I'll feed the dogs before leaving, make sure the garden gate is locked and hope anything unexeptected will happen.
My husband wouldn't eat frozen food as yours did, but he does not always eat what I prepaired for him. He says he liked other food better. I think he forgets about what I had told him, but I am learning to say nothing.

 

[Beads]

Hi MIA56 sorry to hear you feeling unwell. You have had a lot on your plate lately. You need to take it a bit easy. I know it's easy to say as you need to pack & everything but your health is important. I'm glad your chest is feeling a little better today. You will have to learn how to say "NO". Think about yourself for once. That's good family all back safe & sound . No doubt you will be seeing them soon when they have caught up on there sleep. Well I have been for walk today & later took OH to Warfarin clinic. Can't get his INR stabilised so we going every week until sorted. Hope you have a quiet evening ,put your feet up & chill with a nice glass of wine MIA56. Take care speak soon...

 

[Beads]

@ margherita hope you well, hope your friend is feeling better. How did OH manage while you were gone. I bet he didn't eat what you had left him . I know what you mean about you never contradict your OH I am the same . Then there are times when I just can't stop myself . Have you started making your wreaths yet. You will have to put a photo on when you finish them . I love Xmas always have. Well gonna watch a little TV. Speak soon take care.

 

[margherita]

@ margherita hope you well, hope your friend is feeling better. How did OH manage while you were gone. I bet he didn't eat what you had left him . I know what you mean about you never contradict your OH I am the same . Then there are times when I just can't stop myself . Have you started making your wreaths yet. You will have to put a photo on when you finish them . I love Xmas always have. Well gonna watch a little TV. Speak soon take care.

Hi Beads, my friend is better, this is the good news
The bad news is that my husband went to see my friend with me.
I forbade him to enter her room, but I "enjoyed" his company all the way to and from the hospital

 

[margherita]

Glad you are better.
I have learned to say NO to those people who do not deserve my YES

 

[Beads]

Hi Beads,
I picked pinecones, acorns and some little branches of rosehips, which have nice orange berries.
The vineyards have a wonder colour, with their leaves turning yellow, orange and red

Another hot day. Summer seems not to be over, yet.
The negative side is that rains have decreased of 90%, which means damage to agriculture, lack of water and other unpleasant consequencies.

My husband is manageable these days because I never contradict him and let him shadow me.
But I feel my patience is going to evaporate

Hi Beads, my friend is better, this is the good news
The bad news is that my husband went to see my friend with me.
I forbade him to enter her room, but I "enjoyed" his company all the way to and from the hospital

Hi Beads, my friend is better, this is the good news
The bad news is that my husband went to see my friend with me.
I forbade him to enter her room, but I "enjoyed" his company all the way to and from the hospital

Hi margherita, don't ask what's happening with all these quotes it's having a mad one again. That's good news your friend is well. Oh well at least you had company on your long journey & you enjoyed it which is even better. ...

 

[Beads]

Hi MIA56 just a quicky to see how you are feeling today. Hope a little better than yesterday.

 

[Beads]

Glad you feeling bit better MIA56 , think possibly you have overdone it the last week. I know what you mean our feelings go unnoticed by OH. Its like they just don't see when we are struggling . Big ((((( )))) s from me. So sad the position we are all in. You will get cheered up at the weekend when family are there , something to look forward too & many stories. Yes you want to have a pamper day look after yourself because you can't afford to be ill or upset. It will do you the power of good. Hope SIL is still brighter when you see her . Look after yourself speak soon xx

 

[margherita]

Your big and lovely family are such a support for you, MIA.
Hope you do not feel tearful any longer.
My husband , too, does not seem to notice my feelings.
It is easier not to ask questions, above all when they know they won't like the answers

 

[margherita]

I have been awake for an hour and can't stop thinking of the same thing:
I know the destination of this journey
I know the stages or legs of the journey (in theory), but I have no idea of how long the whole journey and each leg will last
In other words, I can't even imagine what my life will be like tomorrow
No expectations, no plans, no hopes..
Maybe it is the darkness of the night that makes me so negative
Better trying to get back to sleep

 

[margherita]

Hi margherita, don't ask what's happening with all these quotes it's having a mad one again. That's good news your friend is well. Oh well at least you had company on your long journey & you enjoyed it which is even better. ...

I would have preferred to be alone. I like driving on my own. I listen to the radio or put on the speakerphone and chat with a friend, without being interrupted by my husband every two minutes or being afraid he may overhear what I say

 

[Caz60]

Hi Margerita,
My hubby at day care, so the heating is on coffee at the ready door locked and my feet up.
I'm doing what I feel I need to do today just be quiet and calm ,there are things to do but I'm not moving ,I am a bit tearful for lots of reasons as others when you're mind works overtime on ,what why,when,if and it makes you feel sad for yourself as well as your lovely partner.
I went out yesterday for an hour with a friend (hubby went to a friend who offered to sit him) and I justcouldnt socialise,I felt miserable.Consequently somebody looked at me and made a gesture to smile ,that's why I'm staying in my home while the feeling passes.
That's my daily rant over .much love to all.xx

 

[longlostfan]

Hi all, am also feeling rather down and introspective (due to lack of sleep). Weather is hideous too. Was going to coerce OH for a very short walk yesterday - he can only manage a very short distance so it’s always a brief venture - but it didn’t happen. I saw my daughter which was nice, we went for a quick coffee and she pointed out that in some ways my OH (her dad) had let himself get into this state as since his retirement 13 years ago he’s done next to nothing. So now there’s not a lot to fall back on, except me - can’t help feeling resentful that my life is mostly taken up with caring for someone who has always put himself first in many ways - tho to be fair he does sometimes say that he knows I’m doing a good job looking after him! Forgets it 10 mins after tho. Anyway it was lovely to see her and have a chat. I also managed to get a LPA done which OH agreed to, tho won’t remember of course, still it’s done and ready to send off which is a result. Carry on regardless as they say. Thinking of you all.

 

[margherita]

Hi Margerita,
My hubby at day care, so the heating is on coffee at the ready door locked and my feet up.
I'm doing what I feel I need to do today just be quiet and calm ,there are things to do but I'm not moving ,I am a bit tearful for lots of reasons as others when you're mind works overtime on ,what why,when,if and it makes you feel sad for yourself as well as your lovely partner.
I went out yesterday for an hour with a friend (hubby went to a friend who offered to sit him) and I justcouldnt socialise,I felt miserable.Consequently somebody looked at me and made a gesture to smile ,that's why I'm staying in my home while the feeling passes.
That's my daily rant over .much love to all.xx

I understand and share your need to stay on your own at home.
It is foggy today, one of those days I'd love to curl (hope it is the right word) on the sofa, staring at the fireplace, letting my thoughts wander

 

[margherita]

can’t help feeling resentful that my life is mostly taken up with caring for someone who has always put himself first in many ways - tho to be fair he does sometimes say that he knows I’m doing a good job looking after him! Forgets it 10 mins after tho..

My husband used to forget what I did for him also when he did not have Alzheimer's.
I particular, if I did 99 good things and one bad, the bad one seemed to have the power to cancel the others.

Now he often thanks me, because he knows I am the only person who takes care of him without trying to exploit or take him in

Besides, in his meannes he still understands that his being grateful makes him spare the money for a paid carer

I have not many reasons why I should be grateful for his gratitude

 

[Beads]

Hi all, am also feeling rather down and introspective (due to lack of sleep). Weather is hideous too. Was going to coerce OH for a very short walk yesterday - he can only manage a very short distance so it’s always a brief venture - but it didn’t happen. I saw my daughter which was nice, we went for a quick coffee and she pointed out that in some ways my OH (her dad) had let himself get into this state as since his retirement 13 years ago he’s done next to nothing. So now there’s not a lot to fall back on, except me - can’t help feeling resentful that my life is mostly taken up with caring for someone who has always put himself first in many ways - tho to be fair he does sometimes say that he knows I’m doing a good job looking after him! Forgets it 10 mins after tho. Anyway it was lovely to see her and have a chat. I also managed to get a LPA done which OH agreed to, tho won’t remember of course, still it’s done and ready to send off which is a result. Carry on regardless as they say. Thinking of you all.

OH longlostfan snap I could have written the same post, so alike it's unbelievable. Our kids always say there dad has done nothing since retiring than sit around . No hobbies nothing. I worked a further 17years after he retired. I know the resentful feeling OH so well. I myself have always kept myself active & busy since retiring. Glad you got LPA sorted. Well I had busy day yesterday had my walk. Back did lunch later son & dil came with granddaughter, they were here till late . Then I went to daughters house took the dog out for long walk as they are away for few days. This morning I have been for long walk with dog , now I'm gonna prepare lunch. OH still in bed of course. Yesterday he did get involved & have a bit chat while family was here. Once they had gone he just went upstairs back to normal. It's grim . Hope you have a peaceful weekend longlostfan that's my rant over as well. Speak soon take care. xxx

 

[Beads]

Hi MIA56 hope you are feeling lots better. I can understand you feeling that way we all have been given a role we would never have chosen so sad. Yes you will have a lovely catch up on Sunday & a few laughs. That will give you a boost. My OH daughter he hasn't seen for over a year. He will possibly see her bonfire night as his son always puts on a bonfire party & she is there. She usually has a few tears on seeing him , I totally ignore it because if she was so concerned she would make the effort to see him regardless of my feelings towards her. Step family can be so fickle. Yes let's just see what the weekend brings. Take care speak soon .xx

 

[Beads]

My husband used to forget what I did for him also when he did not have Alzheimer's.
I particular, if I did 99 good things and one bad, the bad one seemed to have the power to cancel the others.

Now he often thanks me, because he knows I am the only person who takes care of him without trying to exploit or take him in

Besides, in his meannes he still understands that his being grateful makes him spare the money for a paid carer

I have not many reasons why I should be grateful for his gratitude

Hi margherita hope you are well. I agree with all you have written. We are the only ones they can really rely on now no once else is gonna take on the role. At least you get the occasional Thankyou. Nothing like that here. I hope you have a peaceful weekend . Take care . Xx

 

[Beads]

Hi Caz60 hope you feel lots better today. We all get tearful I think. I'm the same some days I just want to shut myself in & see nobody. The next day I think well you can't go on like this & I am back too normal. I don't like to think ahead as it makes me even more resentful than I already am, because if I started thinking I had years of this & worse omg it's a nightmare. I know things will change but I will deal with that when it happens. We are a tough lot we will all manage. You do right to take every opportunity you can for me time as we need it to get through this situation. That's the only way I can cope , escaping to go walking or time out with family. I do it now as the future may be more tieing . As I say though will deal with that as and when. You take care of yourself Caz60 always remember you are not alone . You can come on here & rant because we ladies have been through it or are going through it. Speak soon take care hope you have a peaceful weekend. Xx