Feel so guilty

[Benjiboo]

I feel so guilty at the moment.

I care for my Dad who has Vascular Dementia, at the minute it seems hard to care for him. I feel that I am getting to the point here I do not want to do it anymore.

I love my Dad but I also have to look after myself I have suffered with depression on and off through out my adult life. I can feel myself at the moment feeling depressed again.

Help!!!

 

[karaokePete]

No need to feel guilty. I'm sure most, if not all, carers get such feelings and many will get to the point where they can't carry on.
Is your Dad getting everything he may be entitled to in terms of care from Social Services etc? It may be you need assistance or respite.

 

[DollyBird16]

@Benjiboo
Hi, please don’t feel bad it’s the toughest job i’ve ever had. I think it’s that way cos we care so much.
Take every ounce of help you can get, repeat yourself over and over to family that you would like help.
Reach out to social services for all they can give the Alzheimer’s society will also point you in the right direction.
The wisest people on her will share knowledge freely. Take a look through posts you will learn loads. Only through here did I realise I don’t need to punish me for wanting the best but just not being physically or mentally able to deliver it all to Mum.
Mum is vascular too boy is the behaviour difficult.
Keep posting it helps just sharing no one here judges you.
Look after you.

 

[father ted]

Hello Benjiboo,

Don't feel guilty about not wanting to do it anymore. None of us choose to do it, some refuse to do it and others find fault in the way someone does it while not offering any support.

You don't say if you live with your Dad or what your own circumstances are I.e if you have a family etc. Caring is a really tough job and I know that what gets me through is the support of my husband, the sitting service I use and talking it over with a listening ear. Please post here whenever you need to. Contact social services to see what they can offer. If you are down call the Samaritans. I am not ashamed to say I called them years ago when I was very low and the person on the other end was so kind.
Caring for someone with dementia is not easy even if you are the most upbeat person. If you are sad for whatever reason it is harder still to keep going. Don't let your health suffer, you both need help but can't give a guiding hand when you yourself are lost. Best wishes

 

[Razz]

Hi... It's so so hard , I am also struggling at the moment , you are not alone . I have had to limit the time I am staying at my parents as my health is suffering . My dad is terminally ill so that is making my mum so much worse ( she had mixed dementia with Alzheimer's ) I think it's the hardest job looking after a parent who has Alzheimer's or any dementia . All I can say is give yourself regular and good breaks ...I have only just realised that this makes a big difference . Good luck ...you really are not alone .

 

[Lawson58]

I feel so guilty at the moment.

I care for my Dad who has Vascular Dementia, at the minute it seems hard to care for him. I feel that I am getting to the point here I do not want to do it anymore.

I love my Dad but I also have to look after myself I have suffered with depression on and off through out my adult life. I can feel myself at the moment feeling depressed again.

Help!!!

Everyone has offered you some excellent advice which I hope you will investigate and make the most of.

I am concerned about your depression, especially as you say that it has been a problem for you previously. I don't know what treatment you have had before for your depression but this something you need to deal with now. I can only suggest that you see your GP and explain how you are feeling.

You don't say how long you have been caring for your dad but being a carer can have a terrible impact on both your physical and emotional health. What you are feeling is very common and totally understandable so don't be afraid to ask for help.