First slap from the grief monster

[canary]

Six months on and Ive just had the first slap from the grief monster.
I was at church and at the end the organist started playing Pachelbel's canon. It was mums favourite piece of music and I used it at her funeral. I wasnt expecting it and had to rush out.
Just one of those things I suppose

 

[Sam Luvit]

Music is so emotive, it brings so many memories. I totally get you running out, I nearly doubled up on hearing a song from dads funeral

 

[margherita]

Grief for someone we loved and lost never ends.
In my experience, it becomes less frequent in time and shorter in duration, but its intensity is the same as the first time

 

[Grannie G]

You get hit when you least expect it @canary and those hits are always more shocking than the ongoing grief we all accept and know.

 

[LadyA]

Yep. It's those unexpected times that can really throw you off.

 

[Bunpoots]

And it really can be unexpected. I had to hastily leave a shop a while back because I used to take my aunt there. Didn't expect it to make me feel like that

 

[canary]

Thank you - I knew everyone would understand.
Its the unexpectedness of it, isnt it? I had heard of this happening, but didnt expect it to be so intense.

 

[Loopiloo]

I agree with what others have written, canary, and yes the intensity is unexpected. It is 15 months since Henry died and I think in my subconscious mind I thought this would gradually lessen with time - that shock of the intensity.

Music is especially emotional and in your place I would have been the same. Six months is no time at all though. Grief has no time limit.

Loo xx

 

[Izzy]

Just agreeing with others here. The intensity can be incredible. I had a day if that yesterday. It started with the first hymn in the church service being our wedding hymn and went steadily downhill from there.

I think we all just have to go with the flow and accept there will be moments - or days - which slap us in the face.

I hope today has been an easier day for you.

 

[Dazmum]

Can completely understand @canary, I lost my dad 5 1/2 years ago. The first Christmas I was in Sainsbury's and they played 'Only a Winter's Tale' by David Essex, which my dad loved! I happened to be standing just by his favourite whiskey that I always bought him too, and I was awash. Music is so evocative and always gets me. hugs for you xxx

 

[Amble]

You Are Not Alone

You inevitably will feel very alone at times. These evocative memories are very precious though and something to try cling to through the tears.
Isn't it wonderful that Talking Point is filled with so many Caring People. Impossible to thank them all but ALL of you are very special people.

https://www.hospicesantacruz.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Grief-Support-Handbook_HSCC.pdf
Might this b e any help?

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Months after my father died, my husband and I were in the car, driving somewhere. The song "Dance With My Father" by Luther Vandross came on the radio. It was not a song I had associated with my father, but it was so appropriate that I just cried and cried.

Sadly, Vandross died at the age of 54.

 

[Sparkling Wine]

Thankyou for the link Amble. I have read it and found it very helpful.
Love Sparkling Wine x

 

[Sparkling Wine]

I agree with what you have all said about music. I’m 4 months on from my mum’s death and the other morning a song from 50 years ago made me burst into tears - it was the first record I recall my Mum buying and she and I would sing along to it. Music was always the link between Mum and me. Even in the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s she would play the piano and I would sing...
It is so unexpected and that is what throws you. I think you just have to let the feelings wash over you, experience them and not try to fight them...I have learned this over time. I expected to be “over it” by now, but I’m not and I’m just learning that it will take a lot longer.
Love Sparkling Wine xx

 

[Amble]

In some ways I don't think you are ever 'over it' or would even want to be.
Yesterday I was wearing a T shirt with little pink elephants all over it( Printed fabric not anything else induced!) Whenever I wear it I think of my Mother who died in the late 70's. The reason I think of her is that when she retired as Matron of a home for the elderly, the Staff gave her a little pink china elephant, because they said she never forgot anything It's the reason I bought the T Shirt!