My wife is regaining some capacity - why / how?

[Frank68]

Hi Everyone,
Brief background: My wife became residential in local care home three months ago, when (despite good package of care) I just could not cope any more in our own home. Sue is nearly 72; she was diagnosed with AD aged 64 (2009), having retired aged 60 as a Senior Probation Officer. She soon lost language abilities and comprehension gradually deteriorated along with bowel incontinence and latterly some urine problems in night as could not find the WC. Physically fit as a flea!
For the past month - and the progress has been accelerating - she has begun to speak some words again, sometimes several words strung together. These are for the most part understandable and revealing of a comprehension that has been missing for several years. For example, driving along an unfamiliar road the other day she suddenly said: "Mmm, Old Barn Lane". I realised she had read the road name sign - I nearly drove into a lampost!! She has also begun counting things again - a frequent activity that was popular for some long while but ceased a year or so ago: stairs / ducks on the pond / cars in the carpark etc etc. She also responds to my pointing out: "Look at the cows in that field" by looking where I am pointing and responding - a few weeks ago she would continue to look ahead and simply say "yes". With toiletting: I could generally guess when she wanted a wee as she started fidgeting - but now if I ask her she will respond yes / no.
Last evening I plucked up courage to take her to a supper party with a group of midwives with whom I used to work, the first "night out" for some long while - and they were all gobsmacked at the improvement in her speech and comprehension since our last get-together sone six months ago. So, it's not just my wishful thinking! The care home staff (who are a great bunch btw - truly caring for her and me) have observed all this too.
So what is happening? If Sue had cancer or some such I might say that she was enjoying a little "remission" - but does / can that happen? Talking to the care home Manager and some other local contacts there seems to be some opinion along the lines of:
a. AD sufferers living at home can just come to rely so much on their partner understanding their needs and choices that (like a "lazy" child) they give up trying to project themselves. "Why should I bother??" In the care home they have to make choices - attempt to explain their preferences etc.
b. At home they be stressed by being surrounded by familiar things and tasks - knowing they used to engage with them, but now cannot. e.g. the piano which she played daily and quite well up until last November. There are no such reminders in the care home.
c. At home they may pick up on the stress / anxiety and pain of the carer/spouse - and there was b..... lot of that I can assure you!! (Enter Stage left: Guilt Monster.....)
I'm just wondering if this is a common experience, and what conclusions others may have drawn? I'm all too painfully aware btw that this can only be temporary - but I am prepared to enjoy getting even a smidgin of my wife back for the meantime!
As ever - love and prayers to all out there on TP.
Frank

 

[HillyBilly]

What an interesting post, Frank.
All of the possible "explanations" sound perfectly feasible, but don't let this make you feel at all guilty! It shows that your wife is in the right place now and receiving what sounds like excellent care.
It's lovely that you're able to go out and about with your wife and even socialise a little. that must have made the occasion special, good memories for the future.

 

[LadyA]

@Frank68 Even a temporary improvement is to be rejoiced at. I'm sure the Care Home's guesses as to the reason for the improvement have left you with very mixed feelings! And there could be a bit of truth in some of them, but I can't agree with them on most. I don't, for example, think it's that a PWD doesn't try hard enough (Point a). I think maybe there is simply much more stimulation in a Care Home environment. More people, more movement, stuff going on, etc.

My husband also improved (temporarily) when he went into a Nursing Home, but the reasons were obvious: he was refusing to eat and drink much at all at home. He was aggressively & violently refusing personal care. All that changed in the Nursing Home- so the adequate intake of food and drink had an amazing effect on him!

You did your best Frank, as we all do, and when it was the best thing for your wife, you moved her to full time care. I would see the improvement as a tribute to you having made the best choice for your wife.

 

[jugglingmum]

I really don't think it is A, the staff are just guessing and she is doing this in your presence.

I have seen many many posts on here about PWD improving on going into a care home. I think there is a big chunk of anxiety surrounding seeing things that you think you should be doing in your own home, and seeing others doing things you should be.

A regular routine which the home provides with lots of people around also provides a level of reassurance.

My mum isn't in a home, but she moved into sheltered extra care and is much less anxious and happier than she had been in her own home for several years.

 

[Loopiloo]

No I don't think it is a common experience, Frank, and you are wise to be aware that it is probably temporary. My husband had occasional times when he was 'improved' and lucid, almost like his old self. But they were short lived periods and all you can do is make the most of this time with your wife. Cherish and enjoy.

It is so good that she is settled In the care home, that makes such a difference. My husband took a long time to settle. He did later lose the anxiety and became more involved with the staff. But when he eventually did we had some lovely times during my visits. They do help when things are not going too well. But long may this improvement last for both of you.

Loo x

 

[Chemmy]

A good care home should make a person with dementia feel they are 'normal' and with all the outside pressures of trying to cope in the 'real' world removed, it's perhaps understandable why the resident is often able to let go of those worries, perhaps for the first time in months if not years. I always tried to entered my mum's world, not bring her back into mine.

Just enjoy these good days.

 

[Frank68]

Many thanks for your comments - very insightful and supportive as ever! I shall enjoy the little remission while it lasts for sure, and then be back to attempting to make the best of our times together.
The average week has jogged down into a bit of a pattern over the past three months, working out what works and what doesn't. There is a Harvest Festival Lunch after the service at our church to-day - as ever Sue will la-la away to the hymns at the top of her voice (fortunately in perfect pitch!) and have a good appetite for the lunch, she'll love that for sure especially if there is a nice dessert!
Love to you all for your day, whatever it may hold in store.
Frank x