Carer for a lady in hospital after T.I.A

[Scoobysue72]

Hi there,
I have been a home help for 6 months.
The lady I visit is currently in hospital, she has never been diagnosed but she has mid stage dementia.
I found her 3 weeks ago at home suffering with the after effects of a stroke, 999 were called and she was admitted.
Her behaviour has now changed. I am helping the family out by visiting her in hospital, her 2 sons live at least 2 hours drive from her.
She was always a gentle lady but has now turned quite aggressive and has lashed out and bitten staff. She has been moved to her own room after being on a 6 bed ward, to be fair, she was the only one able to get up and dress.
She has shouted at me a couple of times and then apologised, she has had lots of hugs and tears with me too. She is convinced her husband is looking for her and her parents are still alive.
She has short term memory loss but her long term has always been fabulous. Her stories seem to have stopped and she is very lethargic all day.
I think she is wandering at night and is being sedated.
Anyone got any ideas how I can continue to support the family and her and how long she may be in this "phase" for, she did seem to get better slightly but it's now going downhill again.
Thanks in advance.

 

[Shedrech]

hello Scoobysue72
and welcome to TP
it's lovely of you to be visiting this lady - and clearly you are concerned about her condition
if the lady previously had dementia and has now had a stroke, she may well not return to any where near her abilities before being admitted - though only the medics will have enough information to be able to effectively assess her, however, because of the legal restrictions of patient confidentiality, they will not be able to discuss her with you

I personally think that you need to be careful of becoming too involved - the lady's family will have some tough decisions to make, but it really is up to them to be in contact with the hospital staff
maybe visit, as long as the family are happy that you do, and give them an update on how your visit went - but the rest is up to them

I hope the lady recovers well

best wishes

 

[Tin]

I don't think there is anything you can do until decisions are made as to where this lady will go after her time in hospital, it may be that she will not go back to her own home. The best you can do for her and the family is what you are already doing, visiting while she is in hospital. If she has started wandering at night and does live alone, then this would make the family think of a care home. Night time wandering is dangerous, my mother lives with me and this phase was really worrying, knowing my mother was up and about in the house meant I would stay awake most of the night to keep her from harming herself.

 

[Scoobysue72]

Thank you

Thank you for your welcome.
I appreciate anyone taking the time to reply.
The family and I have discussed my role with their mum, it is them that brought up the idea of me being their extra visitor and I am happy to oblige, I have broken my wrist at the moment, my first job is more physical so am off at the moment, it gives me something to do and I'm happy to help.
The staff are extremely friendly and do divulge and chat to me, as do the social workers, the family have instructed that I am to be kept in the loop and I feel very valued and trusted. I also feel very close to this lady and I know you are not supposed to get involved but I am only human!! I am a carer by nature and I can't stop that.
I am totally aware and am approaching this with my eyes wide open, I'm 44 and don't have any grandparents sadly, my lady has no one close by either so I suppose I feel an affinity with her as we live in a small village near each other and can chat about the area she has lived in for 60 years!!
Really do appreciate anyone chatting in reply.
I think some respite could be on the cards very soon, so who knows.
My visiting days are today and tomorrow so I will be able to see if she is any more calm.
Thank you. X

 

[Shedrech]

hi Scoobysue72
it's good to read of your relationship with the family - sadly it's not always so mutually open and understood - hence my cautious initial response to you
I hope you and the lady have some lovely visits - I'm sure it's a comfort to her to have a friendly, familiar face in what must be confusing surroundings
best wishes

 

[Scoobysue72]

Update today

I welcome your advice Shedrech, thank you, it's all very new to me and I am still finding my way.
I went to see said lady yesterday, not good, has had 1 hours sleep!! Delirium is running high, seeing people, hearing music, talking to windows and machinerys, trying to escape off ward, staff are so patient and understanding.
Just watching her be so different in a short space of time is heartbreaking, she is so scared and confused.
An old neighbour also turned up and barely got any conversations from her at all, even though she clearly recognised her.
Moving forward, list of care homes provided by the fabulous social worker, short listing and visiting as well as checking CQC reports. All of which I have been included in. A short 6 week term in respite and then take it from there.
Lady is too unsafe and unstable to go home, has regressed to her husband being alive and her children being teens, she still believes she works too.
Back there today to hopefully see a difference, if only slightly, in her mood, even if she falls asleep on me for 2 hours, it gives the staff a break and I feel useful.
Thank you again to you all for your replies.
I welcome each and everyone.
Have a lovely day and keep smiling.

 

[Scoobysue72]

Looking at temp residential care

Hi everyone,
Went for a 2 hour visit on Tuesday, my lady was fast asleep the whole time! Was happy though to be fair, she needed it.
Been leaving notes for her this last week so she can keep a track of who she has seen and when, going again today for an hour.
Family have shortlisted 4 dementia care residential homes for a short stay, 6 week period. Hopefully, when she leaves hospital she will settle in wherever and be able to be a little more independent, plus being looked after 24/7 may help.
I am under no illusions about any outcomes and just trying to stay positive, taking each day as it comes.
Hopefully by Monday, after 4 weeks in hospital, she will be moving on.
Thank you once again to you all for being there.

 

[cragmaid]

.... and thank you for being a caring Carer. x.

 

[Scoobysue72]

Awwww

What a kind thing to say.....thank you.

 

[DollyBird16]

Totally agree, you are someone special to care in that way.

 

[Scoobysue72]

Thank you, you are all so lovely.
Well, we were advised to let my lady settle in to the residential home her sons chose for her, it isn’t too bad actually.
I have taken a bit of a back seat and just text one of her sons every now and then.
I feel after more than 3 months it would be cruel to expect her to go from all that company and engagement to go back to her house and see hardly anyone, day in, day out.
I do miss her and the daily routing, brew and chats that we used to have.
It would have been a year this week that I would have been her home companion.
I just hope and pray she is happy and it is what she wants.

 

[canary]

What a lovely attitude you have. If you would still like to visit her as a friend, could you ask one of the sons if it would be OK?

 

[Scoobysue72]

I know they each try and visit once a week themselves.
I did think about asking but didn’t want them to feel pressured, I have said I am always here for anything needed, either at her house or visiting but I’m not sure whether to reiterate it again.
I have Fibromyalgia and it takes a bus, a tram and another bus, about an hour trip, they pay my costs, it is tiring BUT I am always thinking for the greater good, if I ‘gear’ myself up for it, I’m fine.
I also think it has been too long now and if she associates me with Home she may be unsettled and start wanting me to take her out.
Dilemma!!!!