Threatening behaviour & wandering

[Den63]

My dad has vascular dementia and Alzheimer's my mum is his main carer and he is now trying to get out of the house and has tried to hit mum on a number of occasions. My mum has finally admitted that she can't cope and is frightened of him, my sister and I are now worried for mums safety. If he is violent towards her do we call the police? Advice would be appreciated as we are so worried about both of them
Thank you x

 

[cragmaid]

Hi Den, Sadly welcome to TP. I shan't go into too much detail just now, others will be more help, but yes if Dad is violent phone the Police. If Mum can, make sure she has a charged and switched on mobile phone about her person at all time. If there is a room (Bathroom/bedroom,) with a lock on the door make sure the key is also carried about so that she can keep her self safe.

 

[Amy in the US]

Hello, Den, and welcome to Talking Point. I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your parents, and that you needed to find your way here. There is a lot of experience here on TP.

Absolutely do not hesitate to call the police. By all reports, they are understanding when it comes to dealing with a PWD (person with dementia) and of course both of your parents need to be safe.

In fact, if your dad is a wanderer and/or you have concerns about him getting out of the house, getting lost, being safe on walkabout, and so forth, you can go ahead and contact the police (ring the non-emergency local number) and explain the situation to them. That way they can have his information (address, description, maybe a photo, family contact information) on hand should it ever be needed.

I would make sure your mum has a safe place she can go to in the house, where she can lock herself in, and to keep a charged mobile phone on her person at all times. That will provide some peace of mind.

If it's a choice between your mum letting him go out of the house on his own, and your mum getting hurt, then she might just let him go, and ring the police for help.

It can be very hard when you've got a wanderer or someone determined to "get out" as part of the dementia.

Others can better advise, and it depends on what sort of care package your dad currently has, and if his needs are being met, but perhaps a call to his social worker/social services to see about increasing his care? Maybe a day centre, or more carer visits? Or maybe some help around the house or garden for your mum? Possibly your mum could use some respite care, so she can have a break? Talk to the mental health team about a medication review to see if there is anything that can help your dad, medication wise? Get him checked out to make sure there isn't an infection or other problem making things worse, if this is a sudden behaviour change?

I also know that Age UK and the Alzheimer's Society have helplines that you or your mum can call, if that would be helpful.

Age UK
8 am to 7 pm every day, 365 days per year
0800 678 1174

Alzheimer's UK
Mon-Wed 9am-8pm; Thurs & Fri 9-5, Sat & Sun 10-4
0300 222 11 22

Very best wishes to you and your family.

 

[LynneMcV]

Yes absolutely call the police if there is violence or a clear risk of violence. I had to do this when my husband turned temporarily violent during a fit of extreme paranoia in March last year. I never thought I would live to see the day when I would have to call the police on my lovely, gentle husband - but this is what the disease can do.

The police were fantastic, well versed in handling situations involving those with dementia, and with gentle persuasion they were able to get him in an ambulance to hospital.

My husband was admitted to a hospital secure unit where he had to stay for a couple of months. In many ways it was a nightmare situation - but it gave the doctors the time they needed to observe his behaviour and put him on the right medication in order to be able to return home.

While he was in hospital I fitted locks to bedroom doors so that I, son and daughter would have a safe place to go should the violence ever return.

I hate the situation but is exactly what my husband would have expected me to do before dementia took hold. Keeping his family safe was always his priority.

It also flagged us up with the local authority and health services and, once we were on the radar, it was much easier to be taken seriously when we reported any further changes in behaviour - and support was more forthcoming.

 

[Shedrech]

hello Den63
a warm welcome to TP
your poor mum and dad, both having a challenging time
I echo what the others have said - do call the police - they can help in many ways immediately and also make their own referrals to Social Services
do also contact your Local Authority Adult Services direct and let them know exactly what the situation is - tell them that your parents are now both 'vulnerable adults'; that your mum is 'at risk' due to her husband's aggression and that your dad is 'at risk' of harming her and causing harm to himself - remind them that they have the 'duty of care'
they should at the very least carry out an urgent assessment of your dad's care needs - personally, I'd push for some urgent respite so that your mum has time to breath and decide what she wants long term, while your dad is looked after and monitored 24 hours a day
also have a chat with your dad's GP, and consultant if there is one, and tell them exactly what the situation is - you might send them a letter and/or email so that the GP has this 'in writing' - it may be that new or a tweak in meds may help your dad settle, or that a UIT is present, which causes havoc in the systems of these with dementia
definitely advise your mum not to try to restrain your dad or get in his way - if he is on a mission, I'm afraid he only sees things his way (empathy and social barriers to inappropriate behaviour disappear with dementia) so he will not take into account that he is hurting her emotionally or physically
if you have Powers of Attorney in place, it will be easier to make decisions on your dad's behalf - if you haven't, now is the time to get them if at all possible (they are available on line; you don't have to have a solicitor involved) otherwise you need to look into Deputyship
https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney
if you all believe it's time to consider full time care, maybe visit some local EMI/dementia care homes and get your dad's name on the waiting lists of any you find suitable - do be utterly honest with them about your dad's behaviour so that they have an idea whether they can provide the level of care he needs; they will carry out an assessment themselves before they accept him

now you've found TP, do keep posting on anything that's on your mind - someone will have suggestions and sympathy to offer

best wishes

 

[Den63]

With thanks

thank you for all your kind words, support and excellent advice which I have shared with my sister x