It's been an awful day today. Not feeling well and OH being difficult. Haven't been able to stop myself shouting at him, floods of tears because I can't see an end to this and generally feeling sorry for myself. The promised help is taking an age to materialise and I just feel it's all too much. I've been so strong in the past but I'm just so tired now. Just want it to stop. Sorry for being a wimp but oh where does one get the extra strength?
Today I feel I can't go on
- Thread starter Jean1234
- Start date
Oh Jean , I don't know where we get the strength from .
I feel for you but don't know your story. As for extra help, 10yrs+ in and I'm still fighting with social services and its me that put him into the nursing home , they've done zilch.
In no way are you a wimp, it's just one of those days . We are all here and understand xx
I feel for you but don't know your story. As for extra help, 10yrs+ in and I'm still fighting with social services and its me that put him into the nursing home , they've done zilch.
In no way are you a wimp, it's just one of those days . We are all here and understand xx
Jean I absolutely get it. I have had little patience this weekend, lack of sleep, same delusions over and over, paranoia and all about him. Was given yet another masterclass on how to lock doors to keep us safe and he again went through all the bedrooms to shut the windows and checked to see where all those people are (our dementia ghosts). Got to take him to the eye clinic tomorrow to see about his cataracts not looking forward to that.
Jean I can tell you you are not alone in your feelings, we live an unnatural life where we can't express our feelings, we have little or no conversation and often just left to get on with it. So don't give yourself a hard time by feeling guilty, no one asked for this we just have to get on with it. Have a good night x
Jean I can tell you you are not alone in your feelings, we live an unnatural life where we can't express our feelings, we have little or no conversation and often just left to get on with it. So don't give yourself a hard time by feeling guilty, no one asked for this we just have to get on with it. Have a good night x
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Sorry you are feeling so low, Jean. When you aren't well yourself, it really can feel like the final straw.
Is there no-one who could give you a break for even an hour or two? If help has been promised, then it's time to chase it up. Have you enquired about emergency respite, while you are I'll yourself?
Is there no-one who could give you a break for even an hour or two? If help has been promised, then it's time to chase it up. Have you enquired about emergency respite, while you are I'll yourself?
Please remind whoever is supposed to be arranging help for you Jean, that you are still waiting and on the verge of carer break down.
I think all the agencies are stretched to capacity , especially these days, and if they believe there is no urgency they will attend to those in crisis.
Meanwhile , what may have began as a need for help will have developed into a crisis situation and the agencies need to be reminded you are still waiting and things have deteriorated.
It's tough because once again more is being asked of you and I know from personal experience how hard it is to keep phoning and asking . We are brought up not to be a nuisance and it's against our nature to mither and make a fuss. Sadly we have to do this or risk being overlooked.
I think all the agencies are stretched to capacity , especially these days, and if they believe there is no urgency they will attend to those in crisis.
Meanwhile , what may have began as a need for help will have developed into a crisis situation and the agencies need to be reminded you are still waiting and things have deteriorated.
It's tough because once again more is being asked of you and I know from personal experience how hard it is to keep phoning and asking . We are brought up not to be a nuisance and it's against our nature to mither and make a fuss. Sadly we have to do this or risk being overlooked.
Today I feel I can@t go on
Every morning I feel just a little sorry for myself. However, I accept the situation as it is, get dressed and enjoy 15 - 20 minutes walking the dog and getting the paper.Return, dress OH and undertake the daily routine. As the day progresses all the little compromises and strategies that one needs to employ gradually tires one down, physically, mentally and spiritually. Most days get relief at 8:30 as OH drops off to sleep.
I am fortunate as OH won't go out of the house and garden without encouragement so able to escape for reasonable periods.
Nevertheless there are times when I have been really low and quite desperate. It is at such times I need relief, someone to take the burden, but there is no person. Oh, what a blessing it is to have my dog!
Every morning I feel just a little sorry for myself. However, I accept the situation as it is, get dressed and enjoy 15 - 20 minutes walking the dog and getting the paper.Return, dress OH and undertake the daily routine. As the day progresses all the little compromises and strategies that one needs to employ gradually tires one down, physically, mentally and spiritually. Most days get relief at 8:30 as OH drops off to sleep.
I am fortunate as OH won't go out of the house and garden without encouragement so able to escape for reasonable periods.
Nevertheless there are times when I have been really low and quite desperate. It is at such times I need relief, someone to take the burden, but there is no person. Oh, what a blessing it is to have my dog!
Jean , so sorry to hear about your awful day. As Grannie G says , I think you should try and chase up whoever is supposed to be arranging some support for you , it is next to impossible to cope with all this stress at the best of times , let alone when you are feeling unwell , sending love and hugs
Jean, we totally understand your situation. It's hard enough to hold things together when we are feeling fit and well - but a total nightmare when we are ill ourselves. It all becomes a long, never-ending road of despair and demands looming ahead of us.
You are being overwhelmed by your caring role, and it is totally understandable. We aren't machines, we are human beings who need rest. I know that ringing up and chasing for the promised help is probably the last thing you feel like doing, but as carers nobody will do it for us. Please get in touch with them, leave them in no doubt that you are at the end of your tether and need help right now.
I'm thinking of you and hoping that your next post will be one confirming that you are being listened to and that help is in place.
You are being overwhelmed by your caring role, and it is totally understandable. We aren't machines, we are human beings who need rest. I know that ringing up and chasing for the promised help is probably the last thing you feel like doing, but as carers nobody will do it for us. Please get in touch with them, leave them in no doubt that you are at the end of your tether and need help right now.
I'm thinking of you and hoping that your next post will be one confirming that you are being listened to and that help is in place.
Today's another day
Today a friend came and sat with OH and I went with another friend to two different care homes that do day care for people with dementia. One of them there is no way I could leave my OH there but the other had a good feel about it and the staff all seemed nice and the residents and people at the day care seemed happy . That one was more expensive but it'll be worth it to preserve my sanity and to know he will be entertained and comfortable and I can just about manage it. I also had a call from the older persons department who want to come on Thursday to discuss whether the Oh now had further needs. This time I shall say it how it is and not put my coping face on in the hope that I might get a bit of funding towards it. The nurse who arranged it told me that even if they won't do that it'll mean the OH had been flagged on to the system and it will mean further down the line he will be on the system when he requires more. The weekend has given me the push to look for more help as I realise I am not able to go it alone anymore. Thank you all for all your lovely replies. It makes me feel I am not alone and part of this wonderful TP family. Bless you all xx
Today a friend came and sat with OH and I went with another friend to two different care homes that do day care for people with dementia. One of them there is no way I could leave my OH there but the other had a good feel about it and the staff all seemed nice and the residents and people at the day care seemed happy . That one was more expensive but it'll be worth it to preserve my sanity and to know he will be entertained and comfortable and I can just about manage it. I also had a call from the older persons department who want to come on Thursday to discuss whether the Oh now had further needs. This time I shall say it how it is and not put my coping face on in the hope that I might get a bit of funding towards it. The nurse who arranged it told me that even if they won't do that it'll mean the OH had been flagged on to the system and it will mean further down the line he will be on the system when he requires more. The weekend has given me the push to look for more help as I realise I am not able to go it alone anymore. Thank you all for all your lovely replies. It makes me feel I am not alone and part of this wonderful TP family. Bless you all xx
Hi, A time comes when you as a carer becomes the neediest one,sadly we are all to face this at some point .much love xx
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