How do you know what I feel,Amethyst?
You are so right Amethyst that is how I feel.
Two years to get this bad. What now?
- Thread starter AL60
- Start date
You are so right Amethyst that is how I feel.
Hi. Not for the first time I find myself suffering from blank screen syndrome. It's not that I don't have anything new to say. It's just that I don't know where to begin. I've felt so tired today, it's been a none stop whirl of craziness, all I wanted to do was stop, sit down and fall asleep. Now, lying in bed sleep just doesnt want to know. I don't suppose I'm doing myself any favours staring at the screen in the dark. I really do feel as though I'm living with a stranger now, not one I particularly like either, I think I may have said that in a previous post and one day soon I'll probably say it again. She's been horrible to our daughter this afternoon and then this evening it was my turn. I sometimes wonder what I've done to deserve it. When she takes off into one of her angry moods it can be quite frightening in some ways, it's the look in her eyes, the finger pointing, the shouting and that look in her eyes, almost like there's someone else behind them, pushing and goading her to do something worse. Well, this post seems to be working for me, I really am ready for sleep now. I just hope tomorrow is better than today.
By the way, those shelves are all up now, I still don't understand why she couldn't understand what I was trying to do, I don't think I will ever understand. Al.
By the way, those shelves are all up now, I still don't understand why she couldn't understand what I was trying to do, I don't think I will ever understand. Al.
Maybe we should give up trying to understand
When my husband is angry (anything can trigger his anger) I leave him alone.
What would happen if you did the same?
Would it be dangerous/ impossible?
Could you manage to leave her for a while, Al? I do not have that to deal with, but Margherita does, so she knows what it is like for you...I can just sympathise, and I do. Are you getting any time to yourself? I have been following your post for maybe six to eight weeks now, and even in that time, I have seen your mood deepen. Can you mention it to the nurse next time you have a visit? I think those happen every couple of weeks for you. It sounds like you need a man cave to escape to ... or to be able to get to the pub!
Hi Al,
I have read your posts but not posted til now.
I feel for you, my m had to deal with a lot of anger and frustration with my dad. Whatever she did wasn't right , from getting him up on a morning, sending him back to bed because it was 4am, asking him to eat his breakfast, take his tablets, have a wash/shower. It is draining in itself without the pwd understanding what you are doing. Two different worlds living side by side isn't easy.
As has been said about leaving her alone. My mum started doing this , going off to a spare room to just have some space from him. It helped though he did come looking, he did ask if he had upset her too.
It sounds like you need some time for yourself , I don't think you can carry on as you are. X
I have read your posts but not posted til now.
I feel for you, my m had to deal with a lot of anger and frustration with my dad. Whatever she did wasn't right , from getting him up on a morning, sending him back to bed because it was 4am, asking him to eat his breakfast, take his tablets, have a wash/shower. It is draining in itself without the pwd understanding what you are doing. Two different worlds living side by side isn't easy.
As has been said about leaving her alone. My mum started doing this , going off to a spare room to just have some space from him. It helped though he did come looking, he did ask if he had upset her too.
It sounds like you need some time for yourself , I don't think you can carry on as you are. X
Hi. I know what you mean, anything at all can set her off. Earlier this evening going through some old family photos, good therapy i thought, even that was enough to upset her, arguing about who was who. I do walk away but it seems like her constant shouting reverberates in my mind for ages afterwards. She certainly knows how to spoil a quiet evening. Al.
Hi. I managed to get a couple of hours to myself on Saturday morning. My daughter was at home so I managed to get into town for a haircut. It was the first time alone for,, probably two months or so. On my way back to the car i met a couple of people I'd not seen for some time. I stopped to chat each time and it felt good. The trouble was i felt that I should be getting home, I felt like the white rabbit in Alice's adventures in wonderland, panicking about being late. Ridiculous I know. I can't even have a conversation on the phone without her getting upset and angry. We must be due a visit from the nurse this week, it must be at least a month since anyone came to visit. And yes, I've already mentioned the anger problems to them. Let's wait and see what happens, though to be honest I'm losing any faith in had in them. It seems to me that as long as they think we're getting along ok let's leave them alone. As for a man cave, how about a nuclear bunker with a well stocked bar☺Al.
Hi. So many similarities, this could be one of my posts. I dread waking up in the morning, that sinking feeling when you wake up, it shouldn't be like that. Although she doesn't get up too early, she gets up early enough. The battles over medication and mealtimes are the worst. I don't know if you've read my recent posts about her gaining a few pounds and the dietitian being pleased. It seems my wife now seems to think that she can now give up on eating, whenever I tell her she must eat, all I get back is, I've put weight on, the Dr's pleased, it's none of your business anyway. I've had a lot of that lately. Whenever I ask her anything I get , it's none of your business. I agree, I do need some time to myself, I've known this for some time but I'm a patient person and I can wait, providing it's not too much longer. Al..
I'm afraid gp surgeries I've found arnt the best of help..currently having similar prob with mil, that's another tale!
I wouldn't try to explain anything or tell your wife she must eat, just cook and put it in front or however you've done in the past. If you get concerned re eating at mealtimes use snacks, a sandwich , a cake, biscuits.
Sadly it takes a bit of brain training (ironic I know) for ourselves to think their way.
Some thoughts are more child like so we go back to dealing with childhood again.
Easier not to ask perhaps ? Just provide?
I'm having a cuppa , I've made you one....
When I started this journey I never thought I'd see the other side of someone where I was. Dads 10yrs in plus and in a dementia nursing home.
Mum still finds days hard , she is in limbo bit she was exhausted after 9yrs . Dad luckily liked to go out as always worked so felt was working in some way.
They did dance classes, art, singing for the brain, age uk all for dementia .
There are dementia cafes and groups where you can at least speak to like minded , you will find volunteers will occupy your wife to give you space to chat.
It's all well being patient but ...dementia isn't patient.
I wouldn't try to explain anything or tell your wife she must eat, just cook and put it in front or however you've done in the past. If you get concerned re eating at mealtimes use snacks, a sandwich , a cake, biscuits.
Sadly it takes a bit of brain training (ironic I know) for ourselves to think their way.
Some thoughts are more child like so we go back to dealing with childhood again.
Easier not to ask perhaps ? Just provide?
I'm having a cuppa , I've made you one....
When I started this journey I never thought I'd see the other side of someone where I was. Dads 10yrs in plus and in a dementia nursing home.
Mum still finds days hard , she is in limbo bit she was exhausted after 9yrs . Dad luckily liked to go out as always worked so felt was working in some way.
They did dance classes, art, singing for the brain, age uk all for dementia .
There are dementia cafes and groups where you can at least speak to like minded , you will find volunteers will occupy your wife to give you space to chat.
It's all well being patient but ...dementia isn't patient.
Al
Why wait? - You will have to get help at some stage and if you get it now you can get out for a walk and take time to talk to someone for a few mins without rushing home.
You really need it or you will crack up from the constant demands of caring for your wife no matter how much you love her.
Also - she just might surprise you by being more cooperative with the carer in eating, taking her tablets etc.
When talking to the nurse you must let her know that you're desperate - if she thinks you're coping she will let you....
Why wait? - You will have to get help at some stage and if you get it now you can get out for a walk and take time to talk to someone for a few mins without rushing home.
You really need it or you will crack up from the constant demands of caring for your wife no matter how much you love her.
Also - she just might surprise you by being more cooperative with the carer in eating, taking her tablets etc.
When talking to the nurse you must let her know that you're desperate - if she thinks you're coping she will let you....
Al
Why wait? - You will have to get help at some stage and if you get it now you can get out for a walk and take time to talk to someone for a few mins without rushing home.
You really need it or you will crack up from the constant demands of caring for your wife no matter how much you love her.
Also - she just might surprise you by being more cooperative with the carer in eating, taking her tablets etc.
When talking to the nurse you must let her know that you're desperate - if she thinks you're coping she will let you....
Al, MammyGranny makes a brilliant point here. Bet your wife would be as sweet as pie with someone else. Give it a go, my dear. If you know you are going to 'have to' at some point, what benefit is there in waiting?
Once again, Hi. I'm really running out of things to say, that's probably the reason I've not been on here for a few days. I'm also running out of patience. Not just with my wife, God knows she'd try the patience of a saint. And believe me, I'm no saint. But also those supposed to be looking after our health and wellbeing. Another week gone by with no visit. It has its plus side, after all ,no visit = no stress. Or does it? The mood oh has been in lately she might as well be stressed, I know I am. She's just so nasty all the time. I've taken note of the suggestions in recent replies and fully intend to do something, get something sorted over the coming weeks. You know that I am in need of a break and I know it too, but as I've said before, as long as we appear to be getting along ok they put us at the bottom end of their list of priorities. That's how it feels anyway.
I went for my flu vaccine today. Took my wife along too, she's been asking every day this week when we will be going. As soon as we got to the car park at the Dr's that was it. Complete change of mind, not having the flu jab, never had one before, never needed one, never had flu, let's go somewhere else for the day. She doesn't have any needle phobia or anything she just didn't want to go. She'll go on a different day. No point in arguing, her mind was made up.
We've been trying to sort some family photos into albums this week, I thought it might be therapeutic. How wrong was I. It really is incredible what she can find fault with, some of the photos have been cut up because they are of someone she doesn't particularly like. She hasn't cut me out of any of them yet but it's only a matter of time. She overstepped the mark this evening. I found some photos of a trip to lego land we made nearly twenty years ago. There was a photo of a little girl, who's she? Here we go, I thought. She's no one we know, and promptly cut it in half and put it in the bin. It was a full size goldilocks built of lego. So the madness continues. That's it for another night. Time for sleep. All to soon and it will be morning and once again it starts all over again. I sometimes think I'm not really up to this. Al.
I went for my flu vaccine today. Took my wife along too, she's been asking every day this week when we will be going. As soon as we got to the car park at the Dr's that was it. Complete change of mind, not having the flu jab, never had one before, never needed one, never had flu, let's go somewhere else for the day. She doesn't have any needle phobia or anything she just didn't want to go. She'll go on a different day. No point in arguing, her mind was made up.
We've been trying to sort some family photos into albums this week, I thought it might be therapeutic. How wrong was I. It really is incredible what she can find fault with, some of the photos have been cut up because they are of someone she doesn't particularly like. She hasn't cut me out of any of them yet but it's only a matter of time. She overstepped the mark this evening. I found some photos of a trip to lego land we made nearly twenty years ago. There was a photo of a little girl, who's she? Here we go, I thought. She's no one we know, and promptly cut it in half and put it in the bin. It was a full size goldilocks built of lego. So the madness continues. That's it for another night. Time for sleep. All to soon and it will be morning and once again it starts all over again. I sometimes think I'm not really up to this. Al.
Come on Al...listen to the suggestions. Nothing changes unless you change it. Find a way to give yourself a break...otherwise you are not going to survive. It is hard but one must be selfish otherwise our own lives are over. And I think Granny is often very right...your wife probably will be on her best behavior with another carer. You need some relief. Good luck
Hi:
Totally agree with PalSal, it's time to let go & put your wife's care with the professionals. It's a hard & bitter pill to swallow but both of you will be better of in the long run. You have done a fabulous job of taking care of her, now it's time for the professionals to take over. Give her what she needs, you've given her what she needed up to now and you've done a super job, now give her what she needs now. I'm talking daycare, It's time for YOU to take care of YOU. If you love something let it go if it comes back it's yours. She will come back bigger & better. Bigger because she will be eating more & better because she won't be so anxious & upset
It's hard I understand but it's time.
Totally agree with PalSal, it's time to let go & put your wife's care with the professionals. It's a hard & bitter pill to swallow but both of you will be better of in the long run. You have done a fabulous job of taking care of her, now it's time for the professionals to take over. Give her what she needs, you've given her what she needed up to now and you've done a super job, now give her what she needs now. I'm talking daycare, It's time for YOU to take care of YOU. If you love something let it go if it comes back it's yours. She will come back bigger & better. Bigger because she will be eating more & better because she won't be so anxious & upset
It's hard I understand but it's time.
It is time you took your life (or at least a part of it ) back.
I hope you can make the right decision for both of you.
I know it is difficult.
But not impossible
I hope you can make the right decision for both of you.
I know it is difficult.
But not impossible
My OH has just begun attending a Cogs club one day a week. He didn't like the idea at all and was really reluctant to go...and he loved it, and is looking forward to going again next week. It isn't 'day care' as such...but maybe you will get a pleasant surprise, and your wife will enjoy being at day care.
Hi. Two months ago this coming Monday it was August the second, it was still summer, not that you could tell. Eight weeks and a bit, Seems like sixty days ago. Yet that's how long it is since we had a visit from our designated nurse. We've just been informed she's due again next Monday . It may be apparent to most people that I'm a very patient person who will put up with a lot before complaining but the powers that be seem to be taking me somewhat for granted of late. Or taking the mickey , (polite version). Anyway, I'll wait and see what if anything comes of that visit. Apart from that we're getting along reasonably average at the moment, no disasters or anything. Perhaps I'm getting used to it now, head down and say nothing seems to work, arguing certainly doesn't. That's it for now. I'd have posted longer but by the time I found my way round this new set up i feel ready for sleep. Honestly, I turned my back for a few days and everything has changed☺Al.
So (sorry to be a nag) do you think you might mention the possibility of your wife going somewhere like a Cogs club, or daycare? Glad things are more settled for you now, Al, but so many people on this site have said get some day care organised before you really need it, so PWD is used to being away from home when you DO need it. Here endeth today's lecture!!
Hi. Ever felt like you'd wasted a day? Today's been one of those days. Waited in all morning for the meter man, two of them eventually turned up, and electric lady and a gas man After changing both meters they decided they weren't going to work very smartly with the smart meter set up. I don't get it either. Anyway they reinstated the old meters before leaving, seems such a waste, Not that smart are they. ☺ All this to contend with while my wife is looking for squirrels in the back garden, so she can frighten them off with her new fully loaded cap gun. For some reason she has taken against squirrels and birds in the garden. Whatever else is going on, life is never dull. Last Mondays visit by the nurse from the memory clinic didn't happen, I should have been annoyed but I wasn't. Nothing bothers me now, well, not that much anyway. Had a call today to ask if they can come tomorrow afternoon, who am I to refuse. While out at the shops last Monday we met a long time friend of my wife's, she asked about taking her out with some other friends next Monday, YES☺! Two or three hours next Monday afternoon all to myself and I'm not going to waste it cleaning the bathroom like last time. So, tomorrow I'll try to plan something fun. Something that doesn't involve a cream tea, had enough of those for one summer☺.Al
Yay! For next Monday!! Make it something good...walk and beer? Meet old friends? Beer and old movies? Enjoy.
