LadyA, that is jolly kind of you. The basket is in the bedroom. JUST hang it in the wardrobe when you're done.
Compassionate Communication ... For Carers
- Thread starter Early Girlie
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LadyA, that is jolly kind of you. The basket is in the bedroom. JUST hang it in the wardrobe when you're done.
I think I'd be beyond grateful if someone said any of the first 3, the 4th keeps mum busy, she loves ironing
Mother in law thinks that me taking OH to visit her and driving 35 miles each way is giving me a break. And if she comes to visit and stays for several days is it giving me a break. All it is doing is giving me extra work. She doesn't seem to see it. How I would like her to say I will come and pick up OH and take him off your hands for a week.
I am on the "chemical cosh". I am 65, never been depressed in my life but it helps to keep me on an even keel. I think anything that helps has got to be a good thing.
The remark "he seems OK to me" makes us all feel we are making it up.
I am on the "chemical cosh". I am 65, never been depressed in my life but it helps to keep me on an even keel. I think anything that helps has got to be a good thing.
The remark "he seems OK to me" makes us all feel we are making it up.
Someone suggested that my OH should learn to use Uber so I wouldn't have to drive him to his various doctors', dentist's, blood tests appointments.
Apart from the obvious issues of 'learning' something, I am a much cheaper option than paying someone else to chauffeur him around.
Apart from the obvious issues of 'learning' something, I am a much cheaper option than paying someone else to chauffeur him around.
Sad to read on this thread of so many carers on anti depressants. I refused last autumn and was eventually referred for counselling. Maybe I was lucky, but counsellor was quite understanding of the role of carers and gave a good space to talk about fears and stresses, so now have more confidence to say to OH's family that the job is hard and they need to give me space to do it my way. That's not to say life suddenly becomes a breeze , but when I told OH's daughter I was having counselling she finally seemed to realise something, not that she is always helpful of course.
The old lines about OH looking well when she has had a rough few days without anyone noticing and her daughter being more worried about what she is wearing than how she is never quite go away.
, but when I told OH's daughter I was having counselling she finally seemed to realise something, not that she is always helpful of course. The old lines about OH looking well when she has had a rough few days without anyone noticing and her daughter being more worried about what she is wearing than how she is never quite go away.
Sad to read on this thread of so many carers on anti depressants. I refused last autumn and was eventually referred for counselling. Maybe I was lucky, but counsellor was quite understanding of the role of carers and gave a good space to talk about fears and stresses, so now have more confidence to say to OH's family that the job is hard and they need to give me space to do it my way. That's not to say life suddenly becomes a breeze
The old lines about OH looking well when she has had a rough few days without anyone noticing and her daughter being more worried about what she is wearing than how she is never quite go away.
I went to my doctor to see if he'd give me something to help me getting angry/ fed up but he thought I was coping without and would be better looking for someone to talk to.Sounds glib but was the right thing for me for now maybe not always as my moods affect OH hugely. I use TP and my fabulous sister in law who lives a long way away but listens and doesnt offer advice . I remembered a comment from a friend years ago when I was taking something after my mothers death If you can do something about it do it , if you cant change it ,accept and go with it. Good advice but hard to follow.
I thought the phrase chemical cosh summed it up .
My son just messaged me "shall I come over" and he would which means the world when his dad is very paranoid. Told him I was OK, hiding in the kitchen with a glass, who am I kidding, a bottle of wine!
I spend so much time hiding upstairs in my own house! If I'm very quiet and literally don't move I might get ten minutes peace.
Carmar, don't do what I did when I actually got a weekend off. After about 8 years of caring, stepdau and stepson said they look after their father for a weekend. Yippee!
,I crammed so much into that weekend, I was shattered when I came back!
One to add to the collection, stepdau said that they took him to ( nearest town) and parked at one end. Walked through town, had a coffee, walked further down, but dad couldn't go any further so I ran back for the car to take us home....oh. You couldn't have done that could you?
No I couldn't. He wouldnt stay in one place very long if I wasn't there!
,I crammed so much into that weekend, I was shattered when I came back!
One to add to the collection, stepdau said that they took him to ( nearest town) and parked at one end. Walked through town, had a coffee, walked further down, but dad couldn't go any further so I ran back for the car to take us home....oh. You couldn't have done that could you?
No I couldn't. He wouldnt stay in one place very long if I wasn't there!
Sorry folks, I haven't forgotten about this, just had a tough week. I'll get it done an d post it soon.
EG
EG
Hi. I have not seen the piece on Compassionate Communication for the Memory Impaired. Can you please let me know where I may find this interesting and necessary help? Many thanks.
EG this is a great idea. No one knows the situation better than a carer and your voice, views & comments should be aired. Good luck with this (if you decide to run with it).
Good one Lady A !Too much ill -advised advice doing the rounds.The amount of help available consists of people coming in to help with dressing,showering etc. If you do all these things already,then you are on your own!
Sorry for the late post on this thread, but I haven't been on for ages. I find when I go up to take Mum to hospital appointments which is roughly twice a month, she has Macular Degeneration and needs eye injections twice a month. I have to stay for a week each time because she needs aftercare, she has to have eye drops 4 times a day for 3 days, so I travel up by train from Exeter to Liverpool, take her to hospital appointment the next day, look after her by doing her drops. Do any washing I can find, order her shopping online, encourage her to shower ( unsuccessfully), manage her carers etc etc etc.
I'm frazzled by the time I am due to come home. What I want to say to the friends and neighbours who stay away " to give you time with your mum" is " For goodness sake come over!!" I need some conversation, I need something to relieve the repetitious "conversation", I need some back and forth conversation instead of me trying desperately to instigate new topics that won't send her spinning off into old, repetitious stories that I've heard a zillion times during the week!
I'm frazzled by the time I am due to come home. What I want to say to the friends and neighbours who stay away " to give you time with your mum" is " For goodness sake come over!!" I need some conversation, I need something to relieve the repetitious "conversation", I need some back and forth conversation instead of me trying desperately to instigate new topics that won't send her spinning off into old, repetitious stories that I've heard a zillion times during the week!
Oh how that resonates with me. I've got to the stage where I almost only instigate conversations about practical matters with my OH because of that issue.
I'm glad I'm not the only one, but sad for you. At least I come back home and am away from it, until the next time .... sending hugs and understanding xxxx
Hello all
I took my time over this because I didn't like the result I came up with. I think there are so many different stages and different ideas, it all felt a bit heavy, and made us look like a bunch of self-pitying whingers, which was never the intent! Anyway, I am attaching what I put together in the hope that anyone else might want to use part of it, or take it forward to make it better. Please share if you do! I can't attach a Word doc so message me if you want it!
While I was musing on what would be better, someone posted this link in Facebook: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/...zheimers-caregivers.htm#.WeSPBLFtIaJ.facebook
If you scroll down in the article, you'll find hints for helping caregivers, which does pretty much exactly what I was hoping to achieve! Maybe this will be more useful.
Anyway, love to all, and I hope your day is peaceful.
EG
I took my time over this because I didn't like the result I came up with. I think there are so many different stages and different ideas, it all felt a bit heavy, and made us look like a bunch of self-pitying whingers, which was never the intent! Anyway, I am attaching what I put together in the hope that anyone else might want to use part of it, or take it forward to make it better. Please share if you do! I can't attach a Word doc so message me if you want it!
While I was musing on what would be better, someone posted this link in Facebook: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/...zheimers-caregivers.htm#.WeSPBLFtIaJ.facebook
If you scroll down in the article, you'll find hints for helping caregivers, which does pretty much exactly what I was hoping to achieve! Maybe this will be more useful.
Anyway, love to all, and I hope your day is peaceful.
EG
