Groundhog Day
- Thread starter Marjory
- Start date
I'm sorry I can't be much help but your post truck a chord with me. My mum was very much like that. She was in her 90s when she died but still saw herself as a young girl. Many a day I drove her back to where she lived when she was young.
I think distraction is the only thing to try but I wasn't good at that.
I'm sure others will have suggestions.
I think distraction is the only thing to try but I wasn't good at that.
I'm sure others will have suggestions.
Hello Marjory
I have only just logged in this evening and saw your post about deleting one due to no replies.
Some of your views may have been non members or posters also looking for similar answers.
Sometimes not all regulars are logged in so please leave this post until others can read and respond.
My dad is in advanced stages of his journey , my mum found the repeating difficult also as we all do. I'm afraid all we did was try to change the subject or distract with something else which sometimes worked ,sometimes not.
Apologies
I'm sorry you feel as if nobody cares about your difficulties. I posted a thread a while ago and noticed, despite many view that no-one commentated for a while.
Could be lots of reasons and certainly for me, it's such a long while ago that my mother was at that stage I don't feel I have much to contribute.
However I will say that the 'repetitive stage' drove me up the wall, but now as it's been 3 years since I've heard my mother's voice I (almost
) miss those as at least there was some conversation.
I used to refer to them as mother's train tracks ad she would not be 'derailed onto another track.
Can't help you much more as I don't know the full content of your original post.
However don't give up. Compared to another site I regularly visit this does seem quite slow in contrast.
Remember most posters are just so busy just trying to cope with the caring and exhausted when they do have time to 'relax'. (What's that I hear you all say.)
You might find some comments on here sring familiar and may help
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?103933-Help&p=1444577&highlight=groundhog#post1444577
I'm sorry you feel as if nobody cares about your difficulties. I posted a thread a while ago and noticed, despite many view that no-one commentated for a while.
Could be lots of reasons and certainly for me, it's such a long while ago that my mother was at that stage I don't feel I have much to contribute.
However I will say that the 'repetitive stage' drove me up the wall, but now as it's been 3 years since I've heard my mother's voice I (almost
) miss those as at least there was some conversation.I used to refer to them as mother's train tracks ad she would not be 'derailed onto another track.
Can't help you much more as I don't know the full content of your original post.
However don't give up. Compared to another site I regularly visit this does seem quite slow in contrast.
Remember most posters are just so busy just trying to cope with the caring and exhausted when they do have time to 'relax'. (What's that I hear you all say.
)You might find some comments on here sring familiar and may help
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?103933-Help&p=1444577&highlight=groundhog#post1444577
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Hi Margery sorry you are upset. I often used to take mum back to the area where she lived as a girl as she had a fixation on wanting to live back there again. In mums case she was trying to find her brothers, both of which had died some time ago. I found the reality of seeing the outside of the house as it is now did not match up with her memories & I would gently explain how long ago it had been since they all lived there so things had changed. She usually then realised the true situation....for then anyway. It would start again days later though. I think it was caused by anxiety at living on her own. It has now stopped as mum now lives in a care home but even then at first she thought I lived there & she was visiting me! Distraction only worked sometimes for my mum. Best wishes.
Mum has spells - some last 2 or 3 days, most a couple of weeks or more - & yes, it makes me want to scream too Depending on 'who' it is at 'home', I'll give an appropriate response; if it's my father, her father, brother or sister...they're at work, doing overtime or swapped days. If it's her mother she has gone to the doctor for her pills, it's market day, gone into town. Sometimes it works, other times I try to ignore the question by saying something like "sorry, I was reading/ listening to the TV/ daydreaming " & she has usually forgotten what she had asked.
Thing is, no one 'strategy' will work...you have to change the way you deal with the things dementia throws your way, depending on the circumstances at the time...it's all we can do
Depending on 'who' it is at 'home', I'll give an appropriate response; if it's my father, her father, brother or sister...they're at work, doing overtime or swapped days. If it's her mother she has gone to the doctor for her pills, it's market day, gone into town. Sometimes it works, other times I try to ignore the question by saying something like "sorry, I was reading/ listening to the TV/ daydreaming " & she has usually forgotten what she had asked.Thing is, no one 'strategy' will work...you have to change the way you deal with the things dementia throws your way, depending on the circumstances at the time...it's all we can do
Although your original post has been deleted, was able to get the idea from kjn. What you are going through is really difficult to deal with. The only thing I could do during that particular phase was to leave mum alone and go somewhere else in the house, I even went into my garden shed, but usually when I went back into the house it would start again, no distraction worked and I exhausted myself taking her out for numerous drives in one day. At the time I was talking to friends who had experienced this one and none of them could give me any advice except to say that it would pass. My garden shed became my sanctuary.
Have you thought about day care centre? It could give you a few hours break from it all.
Have you thought about day care centre? It could give you a few hours break from it all.
The WANTING TO GO HOME phase...
The wanting to go home phase...It is a phase, and must be one of the most distressing of all the different stages we see.
My husband's brother was actually able to take him back to the home where they grew up. The lady who moved into the house after them was still there, an old lady herself, and very little had changed. She allowed them in, and MY HUSBAND HAD NO IDEA WHERE HE WAS!He stood by the tree he had seen his father planting, and later gathered fruit from, and didn't recognise it.
That seems to me to show that GOING HOME can't be achieved for a person with Dementia.
I believe it's a plea to be taken back to a TIME when they recognise their surroundings and know where everything is. Before dementia, in fact.
Ofcourse, that can't be done.
The best I could do was promise to go soon, making up some reason why we were in this strange place, just temporarily..Sometimes I'd say we were on a journey home, and this would be just a convenient overnight stop. Sometimes I'd blame the weather.." Wouldn't want to be driving through this" or too late.." Looking forward to getting there in the morning. I hate driving in the dark". Or we would be visiting friends.." They've just popped out for a while.."
Sometimes, when it became more urgent I would actually get the car out and say we were on our way, and often he would forget as soon as we were in the car...He was calmed by believing we were on our way home.
Occasionally, as we actually arrived home( our current home) he would be calmed because it was familiar, and I would be saying how nice it was to get home...
Once I drove fifty miles in a circle before the longing for home went away....I think it finished because he was hungry, and coming back to a meal drove the needing to go home out of his head...
The wanting to go home phase...It is a phase, and must be one of the most distressing of all the different stages we see.
My husband's brother was actually able to take him back to the home where they grew up. The lady who moved into the house after them was still there, an old lady herself, and very little had changed. She allowed them in, and MY HUSBAND HAD NO IDEA WHERE HE WAS!He stood by the tree he had seen his father planting, and later gathered fruit from, and didn't recognise it.
That seems to me to show that GOING HOME can't be achieved for a person with Dementia.
I believe it's a plea to be taken back to a TIME when they recognise their surroundings and know where everything is. Before dementia, in fact.
Ofcourse, that can't be done.
The best I could do was promise to go soon, making up some reason why we were in this strange place, just temporarily..Sometimes I'd say we were on a journey home, and this would be just a convenient overnight stop. Sometimes I'd blame the weather.." Wouldn't want to be driving through this" or too late.." Looking forward to getting there in the morning. I hate driving in the dark". Or we would be visiting friends.." They've just popped out for a while.."
Sometimes, when it became more urgent I would actually get the car out and say we were on our way, and often he would forget as soon as we were in the car...He was calmed by believing we were on our way home.
Occasionally, as we actually arrived home( our current home) he would be calmed because it was familiar, and I would be saying how nice it was to get home...
Once I drove fifty miles in a circle before the longing for home went away....I think it finished because he was hungry, and coming back to a meal drove the needing to go home out of his head...
Majory my lovely,
No-one is ignoring you...like many others have said - its really down to the timing of posts & to people who have time to reply....I'm fortunate (!) working FT at a desk means I can sneakily log on - but those who care for their loved ones FT / PT at home- must be very difficult to be on a forum 24/7....
(You will see a lot of carers post very late at night or early hours - clearly when they can!)
Also -if you use the search parameters on here, you will find many many answers to the 'wanting to go home post'
I have experienced it every visit to mum since March this year - first in the hospital when she was sectioned & now in her CH.
there is no definitive answer.
Some days I can take mum for a drive, blast out Elvis, have a good old singalong & she is ok.
Other visits -she will go to her room, look around & announce ''this is not my home, that's my home'' pointing out the window over fields to a house in the distance!!!
Its where they feel safe from the utter madness that is Dementia - one of the posts above mentions their loved one going back home & didn't recognise it all.
We drove mum to visit dads grave the other weekend - I took a deep breath as we drove right past the turning where she lived for the last 10 years - she did not bat an eyelid - in fact, walking round the cemetery (where she had walked the dog for the past 10 years -said she had never been there!!)
I sometimes post just to get it off my chest - its a bit like how many likes you get on Facebook, some days you can get loads- some days none!!
- Social media does have a lot to answer for!!!!
take care
sas
x
No-one is ignoring you...like many others have said - its really down to the timing of posts & to people who have time to reply....I'm fortunate (!) working FT at a desk means I can sneakily log on - but those who care for their loved ones FT / PT at home- must be very difficult to be on a forum 24/7....
(You will see a lot of carers post very late at night or early hours - clearly when they can!)
Also -if you use the search parameters on here, you will find many many answers to the 'wanting to go home post'
I have experienced it every visit to mum since March this year - first in the hospital when she was sectioned & now in her CH.
there is no definitive answer.
Some days I can take mum for a drive, blast out Elvis, have a good old singalong & she is ok.
Other visits -she will go to her room, look around & announce ''this is not my home, that's my home'' pointing out the window over fields to a house in the distance!!!
Its where they feel safe from the utter madness that is Dementia - one of the posts above mentions their loved one going back home & didn't recognise it all.
We drove mum to visit dads grave the other weekend - I took a deep breath as we drove right past the turning where she lived for the last 10 years - she did not bat an eyelid - in fact, walking round the cemetery (where she had walked the dog for the past 10 years -said she had never been there!!)
I sometimes post just to get it off my chest - its a bit like how many likes you get on Facebook, some days you can get loads- some days none!!
- Social media does have a lot to answer for!!!!
take care
sas
x