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[nicocat]

My Dad has been diagnosed with Alzeimers for over a year now, we found out the day before his 65th birthday party. Luckily I was in a position through my job, that it took about 6 weeks to get a diagnosis. My mam is his main carer and despite what my sister likes to think I know he is getting worse. It is so not fair, Alzheimer's is a god awful disease. My dad is not as bad as a lot of people, he still manages household chores and washes and dresses himself, for the time being he can still catch 2 buses by himself to my house, I know I should be grateful for what he still can do but he is only 65 he should be able to do that anyway. He has speech problems, he knows what he needs to say but cant remember the words, he just keeps saying sorry all the time. I am sitting here crying because I think this is the first time I have actually acknowledged that I am losing my dad.

Sorry for rambling on

 

[Brucie]

Hi nicocat and welcome to Talking Point.

Your words will ring bells with many of us.

Try to make a positive from your acknowledgement of the sad situation - try to wring every single drop of benefit from each time you see your Dad. Try not to dwell on the sadness, or what is to come - make each moment with him count more than ever before, even if it becomes really hard to do so.

And of course, never forget your Mam needs support and love too - she will be in turmoil.

Please use TP as often as you need or want.

best wishes

 

[jackie1]

Hello and welcome,

This is such a cruel disease. It is dreadful at any age but the younger a sufferer is the more shocking it somehow seems. You were very lucky that you were able to get a diagnosis so quickly and I hope that he is now on medication.

You will find that your local Alzheimers Society will have a lot of very useful information.

Take care

Jackie

 

[Lynne]

Hi Nicocat

I'm so sorry you feel you are losing your father to Alzheimer's and your sadness is totally understandable.

BUT ... he is not dead yet. He's still relatively 'able' and capable of going out & about; in future years this may not be the case.
So I would say do everything he (& your mum) would enjoy NOW, (holidays, family celebrations, anniversaries etc.) & don't put things off.
Take photographs now, spoil them now. Don't waste 'now' for the sake of a poor prognosis - enough time to deal with that when it happens.

Obviously you need to include Mum in thoughts & plans (even if the intention is for her to have a day or a weekend off) as they should benefit her as well.
Go with him/them to visit family & friends he hasn't seen for a while, take Day-trips on a coach or whatever's available/affordable within his physical ability.
Maybe try to get old friends to visit him (explaining to them first that he has speech problems but can still understand what is said to him) if Mum agrees.

Quite a lot of people have speech problems, from a variety of medical problems, the commonest one being a stroke. Whilst it may embarrass him, it's not something that's insurmountable & it would be a shame to 'waste' this time whilst he is fit enough still to enjoy a life wider than just home & immediate family. Illness isn't something anyone has to be ashamed of.

Best wishes Nico, there will be plenty of time for tears when you can do nothing else but grieve.

 

[Ruby]

Hi Nicocat

I could hear myself in your post!

Mum was diagnosed at 64 (now 67) and at first, in the hope of educating myself, I dwelt on too many of the end stage difficulties of Alzheimer's. I was in turmoil and couldn't stop crying.

Eventually I accepted the here and now and did what I could with mum: going out, arranging attendance at a day program, daily carers, etc. Like Lynne said, your dad is still with you now. Do what you can for him and especially your mum who will, I'm sure, appreciate the break from caring if you can look after your dad on a regular basis (shopping, a movies, whatever interests him).

There will be ups and downs, good and bad days. However, you will be surprised by the resilience you will build up.

Good luck! Keep in touch at TP.