Does the repetition ever stop?

Sammie234

Registered User
Oct 7, 2016
219
0
Shropshire
Hi

My husband continually asks the same question every time and I give the same answer, How much money have we got, how much pension do I receive, how much do you receive, every day about ten times. Some times I feel it's driving me to distraction.
 

Mimi5

Registered User
Apr 22, 2017
102
0
Essex
We get this from MIL as hubby is her power of attorney. She used to call us all evening about the same questions. We have typed out 2 sheets of A4 with bullet points (1 is headed Money) It's just the answers to her most common questions, as we would explain it, but written down. We direct her to this (in her diary) and ask her to read the info & then ask anymore if she needs to. It works at the mo:)

It is tiring to repeat the same answers, but to them of course it's like the 1st time:eek:
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,820
0
UK
Many repetitive questions have come my way, but the one that really got to me was asking me where my brother was and what was his telephone number. I wrote the answers down on A4 paper and handed this to mum, she carried it every where with her and would look at it regularly.
 

care2share

Registered User
Jun 14, 2015
92
0
London
Hi

My husband continually asks the same question every time and I give the same answer, How much money have we got, how much pension do I receive, how much do you receive, every day about ten times. Some times I feel it's driving me to distraction.

It sadly does!
 

Lavender45

Registered User
Jun 7, 2015
1,607
0
Liverpool
I did a similar thing to Tin. We had a notepad with the answers to mum's standard questions. My problem was that mum didn't believe the answers I was giving her when she was agitated so when she was in a calm frame of mind I helped her write out the answers for herself. When in a bad mood and looking at the notebook she would inevitably say I don't believe it, but I'd point out that she written it down not me so it must be true.

To be honest the notebook was of limited success. Mum's alzheimers took her down a pathway of anger, aggression and paranoia so we had little chance of it being a long term success Part of me felt she just wanted to rant and rave and call me a liar and the fact that I'd thwarted her by being able to say you wrote it yourself frustrated her as much as when I told her the answers, verbally. It did feel like she was spoiling for a daily fight or two. Eventually she just started accusing me of forging her handwriting and therefore being a liar and no daughter of hers. It was a difficult time and only really stopped because she was sectioned. That's my mum though. Hopefully if you tried something similar you'd be more successful than me. Hope you find something that works for you. I know how exhausting it can be. X
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
12,179
0
London
For us it stopped when OH had more and more difficulty with word finding. Now he hardly speaks at all and I wish I could just one more time hear his often repeated stories - there was a particularly gripping one about a blown fuse!
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,820
0
UK
I did a similar thing to Tin. We had a notepad with the answers to mum's standard questions. My problem was that mum didn't believe the answers I was giving her when she was agitated so when she was in a calm frame of mind I helped her write out the answers for herself. When in a bad mood and looking at the notebook she would inevitably say I don't believe it, but I'd point out that she written it down not me so it must be true.

To be honest the notebook was of limited success. Mum's alzheimers took her down a pathway of anger, aggression and paranoia so we had little chance of it being a long term success Part of me felt she just wanted to rant and rave and call me a liar and the fact that I'd thwarted her by being able to say you wrote it yourself frustrated her as much as when I told her the answers, verbally. It did feel like she was spoiling for a daily fight or two. Eventually she just started accusing me of forging her handwriting and therefore being a liar and no daughter of hers. It was a difficult time and only really stopped because she was sectioned. That's my mum though. Hopefully if you tried something similar you'd be more successful than me. Hope you find something that works for you. I know how exhausting it can be. X[/QUOTE


Of course it can back fire and I sometimes wonder if what I did just encouraged that particular set of questions, although the paper did help for a while, but I think it was about that time when I put an unplugged phone in her bedroom and she started to leave her 'air' messages for him, lots and lots of them. That was a few years ago and now her questions are a lot easier to ignore or just nod my head.
 

Selinacroft

Registered User
Oct 10, 2015
936
0
I've found the money questions , and there were plenty have evolved into daft statements- "I don't have any money", " You never let me have any money" , "You can do it - you are the one with the money":(
The money fixation seems quite common.
To put this in contect- dad never moves from his chair and only get s to his chair on a good day. Needs help with most transfers, never leaves the house, doesn't read anymore etc
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
4,332
0
Victoria, Australia
We don't have too many repetitive questions but we have accusations instead.

Money is the frequent one. How much money have we got? Why can't I get on to the bank online? I know you hide things from me. I know you are stealing money off me. You have to show me how to pay the bills.

The other accusations are about his sons and how I fight with them and it's all my fault that things are bad between them and on it goes.i know that the money thing is a reflection of his insecurity, loss of his independence and the ability to look after his own affairs so I don't take any of that personally.

But it takes a huge bite of the tongue not to tell him that his sons are nothing short of greedy monsters who exhibit much more interest in OH's will than they do about his welfare. I am ever so glad that they live half a world away.
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
6,110
0
south-east London
As others have said, the money fixation is quite a common occurrence. I suppose because it is about feeling secure, my husband was never fixated on money before dementia took hold.

We've also been through the stage where he has accused me of taking everything he owns and leaving him with nothing. It probably lasted a couple of years in its most repetitive phase.

Nowadays my husband seems more content in that respect. Occasionally he will worry that all his money has gone but, with great difficulty in getting sentences out now, we certainly don't get the constant repetition about it.

For a couple of years he carried around £40 in his wallet. It never got used but it seemed to be the magic amount to keep him happy. The money is still in his wallet but he leaves it on his bedside cabinet now, and although he still looks at it from time to time, it is growing less important to him.

These days he prefers just a coin purse with small change. I suppose seeing lots of coins helps him feel he has enough, but he rarely had more than £8 in it.

I am glad the money obsession has almost petered out.
 

Batsue

Registered User
Nov 4, 2014
4,893
0
Scotland
Mum's favourite repetition at the moment is asking whether she has sold her bungalow. We moved from Essex to Scotland 10 years ago when we sold both of our properties and bought one jointly but at the moment mum seems to think we are on holiday, I expect that the next thing will be asking me to take her back home.
 

Amethyst59

Registered User
Jul 3, 2017
5,776
0
Kent
It is money here too. My OH has stopped using cards and I am keeping his wallet topped up with notes. He is finding some coins confusing. But he does keep asking about money...and, in particular, who is paying me. He keeps thinking I am a member of staff!
 

loona

Registered User
Dec 19, 2016
25
0
reptition

With my OH the repetition is going to the bank every day to check his balance even though he now keeps it to a minimum. Withdraws it from one account & drip feeds it into another one.He used to keep a respectable balance but i have now had to transfer all household bills to an account in my name to ensure payment.I know that it is his way of maintaining a bit of control but it drives me potty. The ladies in our bank say that i'm in there as much as them. Luckily they are all very understanding as they know my husband well. we even have to go to the ATM when the bank is closed.If i don't wish to go he sits at the front door with his coat on. Anything for a peaceful life.

He has also recently started to give me his glasses to clean every couple of minutes. He recently had an eye test which couldn't be done thoroughly due to his dementia.

There just seems to be a new obsession almost every week.
 

Sammie234

Registered User
Oct 7, 2016
219
0
Shropshire
Does the repetition ever stop

Thanks to all for your replies It looks as though I will be answering the questions awhile yet, :)
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,962
0
Kent
Dad would repeat his stories for hours then as he declined he was obsessed with the money theme which seems common then sadly conversation and ability to communicate lessened and how I wished now, even though I was tired and at times exasperated back then, I could hear those repetitions once more.
 

cuppatea

Registered User
Oct 28, 2016
417
0
South Wales
Oh so familiar. We are going round the loop of houses - why are we in this house, who is in charge, where are all the other people etc etc. I keep saying we've lived here for 32 years, no one's in charge, we don't go to work, no one else is here etc etc. Occasional bouts of money issues - he has some notes and coins and likes to carry them round. Good luck all and let me know if you find a magic solution!!
 

Everton Annie

Registered User
Feb 25, 2015
111
0
Hatfield Hertfordshire
Cuppatea whilst it's annoying it is heartening for me to read others doing and saying the things my husband does. I have all the issues with the house, which by the way is too small (his words), people coming and going and never saying thank you and just taking things, got no money, where is my money, how long have you been here, who are you, and the best one that his dad took him round Brands Hatch in a single seater on his lap! This makes a change from dragging the house from the North Pole and slotting it in between our neighbours. Honestly don't know which is worse talking all the time about his delusions or having no conversation at all. The Brands Hatch story is because I reminded him that he had driven a single seater around Brands Hatch 20 years ago. So sad that his memories and therefore experience of life have disappeared
 

Midow

Registered User
Jun 13, 2017
38
0
Wales
I spotted some fake money in Poundland yesterday, very realistic. They are intended to help children to recognise different notes. They have SPECIMEN printed across them but some pwd may not spot that. Could be useful for some.
 

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