When will I learn?
- Thread starter Jean1234
- Start date
Jean I dont discuss anything at all with my husband anymore. This is all the more shocking as we were always the couple who talked about everything as you probably were too. I confine my comments to instructions or questions about what he wants. Not even much of the latter as he cant make up his mind about things.
It is sad, boring, depressing, soul destroying but that's how it is with dementia and acceptance just might lead to a new way of living you can cope with.
I listen to a lot of radio and read a lot. I need lots of stuff inside my head to make up for the lack of stimulating conversation. Stay strong.
It is sad, boring, depressing, soul destroying but that's how it is with dementia and acceptance just might lead to a new way of living you can cope with.
I listen to a lot of radio and read a lot. I need lots of stuff inside my head to make up for the lack of stimulating conversation. Stay strong.
Hi Jean ,I know what you mean same with me . I now don't even discuss anything it would be forgotten in 5 mins . My OH doesn't talk to me much anyway . Oh what a lonely life we lead us carers.
I am in the same position. I still struggle to keep as much of my OH 'as was' instead of accepting her as a PWD in what seems to be my misguided attempt to help her. Instead I seem to cause grief to both of us as she can no longer grasp the things she used to do so well.
I suppose it boils down to the fact that I'm failing to let go. In my case it's so difficult because my wife is just 64 and its so difficult & sad to see a relatively young person change so much.
I suppose it boils down to the fact that I'm failing to let go. In my case it's so difficult because my wife is just 64 and its so difficult & sad to see a relatively young person change so much.
There are so many of us in this position karaokePete, as Jean & Mariong have said we don't have anyone to talk things over with as it is so quickly forgotten. My OH forgets anything I've said in 5 mins.
That is the main thing mariong Stay Strong. Who would look after them if we were ill. Or more to the point who would after us. I often wonder what if...
I was so pleased to read this as it expresses my experience exactly. I had been feeling inadequate as I thought others were handling this loss of conversation better than me as I am fairly quiet by nature. Thank goodness for the radio, books, crosswords and soduko. Hope a side product of this brain activity is not getting dementia!!
H
I am crying. Why. Because i have been through what you all are going through. My husband is now in a nursing home. He no longer knows who I am. I tell him my name but he does not react. He talks in words that I cannot understand. I try to clean his teeth. I feed him. The carers look after his personal needs and try to keep him calm and happy. It is a sad and long journey. and it is not the way we planned.So I feel for you all. This awful illness strips us of everything we ever knew about our loved one. Please take some comfort of knowing everything you have done and are doing is to help them.My heart is sad. love to you all.xxxx
My wife sometimes says that I never discuss things with her or tell her anything, not like I used to. Well, I do, and probably much more than is good for either of us as she is incapable of understanding or remembering from one minute to the next. The loneliness that others have highlighted is a major issue, especially as my independent leisure activities and friendships have declined to nothing. But we are lucky that she is still physically able, so we can join in with things that we both enjoy such as greyhound walking groups. I can meet other people casually and have a bit of mental stimulation and my wife can be sociable in a non-judgemental environment where the dogs are the common interest. This works for us and perhaps something similar may help others, depending upon the capability of the person with dementia.
Casbow just because your husband doesn`t react to your name doesn`t mean he doesn`t know who you are.
The name is a part of language and if that is lost your husband will be unable to process your name in the same way he won`t be able to process the name of a table.
But if you tend to him and are near him , just holding his hand or stroking his arm, who knows what he will feel inside.
The name is a part of language and if that is lost your husband will be unable to process your name in the same way he won`t be able to process the name of a table.
But if you tend to him and are near him , just holding his hand or stroking his arm, who knows what he will feel inside.
So sorry Casbow, but I am sure Granny G is probably right and it is comforting to your hubby for you to tend and care for him.
With you on this Pete. My OH was diagnosed very early because he was exposed being a very high level executive. He is only now 64 and we are already 15 years into this process. I do not have any long discussions with him anymore. I keep it in the moment. He has more to say when he is with friends, but really nothing to say to me. He talks with friends about the long ago past. Mostly, his life before me and our children. It is strange. It is a lonely life for us carers, but I try each day to make the best of it. Hope you will find some joy today
This is the most challenging thing for me not being able to have a conversation. I want to scream when i can not get any reaction to what i say to my husband. It is a very lonely life being a carer
Yes, it is a lonely life being a carer. I try to keep our social life as active as possible, for me as much as my OH. Sadly that is starting to change as no sooner are we out than my OH is wanting to go home again. He's always keen to go out but keener to return home. At least there's TP and some comfort in knowing that we are not alone. A virtual hug to you all.
This is all so sad...I am in the same position too. I stupidly told my OH that his daughter is coming so I can take some time out. He is looking forward to seeing her, but he has changed into a great big bundle of anxiety and hasn't been able to think about anything else for days. Next time, I won't tell him so soon. And yes, we used to talk about everything too. Sometimes now, he knows something is worrying me, or has upset me..and he is upset because I don't talk about it. But I know that if I do...it will just make everything worse, because I will have his worry to cope with too. And because I still get my 'old' husband occasionally, I fight against the dementia and try to get him to see that something he has said is illogical, or repetition. Yes...I know. It doesn't work. And it's cruel. And then I feel guilty. And lonely. Hey ho. The joy of being a carer.
I can empathise as my wife is 66 and been diagnosed for three and a half years. At first I did the same as you but she's past that stage now and is in her own little happy world.
The dementia (FTD) has affected her speech so although she can (and does) still talk, it can often be gobbledegook. I just respond as though I've understood or make a bit of a joke, which she responds well to.
She spends her day pottering around the house tidying up (basically relocating everything not tied down
), which drives me nuts.Hi Amethyst59 my OH is the same. I find now that any appointment or visitors I tend to tell him only at last minute because he gets anxious & agitated & follows me around making me feel under pressure to get ready say for instance for an appointment that is later on. I've learnt from this early on . We all know that same feeling it's not easy . Onwards & upwards . The lonely carers brigade. ....
