I've not been on talking point for some time.

[Bugsbunny]

Hi everyone,
My husband is still in a care home but during the last 10 months he has lost a huge amount of weight, and is now unable to walk as his muscle wastage prevents this.
There have been several stays in hospital and two occasions when we thought he was on his last legs. A bit like being on a roller coaster. Just to complicate things I was given a terminal diagnosis in February and have been undergoing palliative chemotherapy since that time. Of course it means I can't visit every day like I did which is hard as one son lives in Australia and the other lives an hours drive away.
I can only visit for a few days each two weeks when my immunity has built back up. My husband still knows me although he doesn't always communicate, being reduced to one word answers , then at other times he can make sentences.
I sit looking at him wondering what goes on in his head. We haven't told him of my illness as we felt there was no point in stressing him out. I have no idea if he has guessed or not but he must feel like he has been abandoned.
What a mess we are in.
At least I can look back on the lovely times we had together and think about all the places we were lucky enough to visit. I just wish my sons didn't have to be burdened by both parents having become incapacitated.
I have accepted my diagnosis , and manage to get on with life in a fashion. I am very fortunate to have some very very good friends who are so supportive.

 

[LadyA]

Oh Bugsbunny, I'm so sorry to read your post.

With regard to your husband feeling abandoned, all I can say is that I know (because I asked, and watched him before he knew I'd arrived) that my husband, although he was thrilled to see me when I arrived, quite literally, as soon as I was out of his line of sight, I was out of mind too! He had no idea of the passage of time, and he thought I lived in the nursing home too, and when I wasn't with him, I was somewhere around the building "busy" doing other things.

 

[marionq]

What a very heavy load you are carrying. Nothing I can say can make this easier and I'm sure your friends and family feel the same but the very fact that they are there for you is some kind of a blessing.

I hope the outcome for you both improves and we all on TP will want to hear how you are doing. Comfort and good wishes to you.

 

[Izzy]

I'm so sorry to read of your diagnosis. What a hard time for you both. I'm glad you shared this on TP and hope you find some comfort and support by continuing to share here.

 

[Scouts girl]

I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis Bugsbunny It sounds as though your husband is being well cared for and please don't worry about visiting him so often. I agree with LadyA that for PWD time passes in a different way, and I visit my mum nearly every day in her care home but she often says that she has not seen me for days!! Please keep posting in TP and let us know how you are as you will get so much support and help through your journey. Now is the time to look after yourself. I send love and hugs to you and your husband.

 

[Grannie G]

This is such sad news Bugsbunny even though you are being so pragmatic about it. It`s good to feel you can return to TP to talk.

 

[Spamar]

((((Hugs)))) Bugsbunny. My thoughts are with you.

 

[Casbow]

So sorry. My love to you.xxx

 

[margherita]

You are incredibly strong and generous.
I wish I could say something helpful
Can I hug you?

 

[PalSal]

Dear Bunny, I agree with one of the other sharer, time is different for your husband. He is being cared for and you must do what you can for yourself with your diagnosis. Take care...I hope there is someone to care and support you in this journey.

 

[Bugsbunny]

Dear Bunny, I agree with one of the other sharer, time is different for your husband. He is being cared for and you must do what you can for yourself with your diagnosis. Take care...I hope there is someone to care and support you in this journey.

I have discovered that there is lots of support available for cancer patients out there. It's very obvious the difference between the two conditions, i.e.cancer and Alzheimer's when it comes to support. X

 

[pamann]

Hello Bugsbunny like you l have not been on TP for a while, so sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time with your illness, lovely to hear from you, life is so cruel. Your husband sounds very much the same as mine, its so sad that you cannot communicate with your husband, we have always had our husband for support when we are poorly, l feel for you, its good you have support from friends.
Please keep in touch there is still so much support from TP, thank you for posting sending you a big ((((HUG)))) Pamann

 

[Bugsbunny]

Hello Bugsbunny like you l have not been on TP for a while, so sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time with your illness, lovely to hear from you, life is so cruel. Your husband sounds very much the same as mine, its so sad that you cannot communicate with your husband, we have always had our husband for support when we are poorly, l feel for you, its good you have support from friends.
Please keep in touch there is still so much support from TP, thank you for posting sending you a big ((((HUG)))) Pamann

Hi Pamann,
It's lovely to hear from you again. Yes life does seem cruel at times but I have much to be grateful for as I look back and think about so many positive things.
Although my husband is unaware of my illness, or at least I think he is unaware,I do know he would have been my strength and support throughout whatever happens if he was well. At least I know what is happening. What must it be like to live in a void of not knowing much about anything.

 

[philamillan]

Hello Bugsbunny.

I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis and commend your fortitude during this time.

My only other thought is about longer term planning. Have you thought about where you would want to be in the terminal phase of the disease?

If you planned ahead it could be that your care is in the same Care home allowing you and your husband more time to be together.

Depending on the stage of the cancer this could be partially funded by the Health sector rather than Social Services. Making it more financially feasible.

On a more philosophical note - In time we all face the same fate. Death is a guarantee but may represent a new birth. Those who know the time is short often live each day as precious and appreciate their opportunities. Your experience is a reminder for us all.
Thank you.