Downhill All The Way

[MrsMoose]

Feeling vaguely depressed after reports on family lunch with my father-in-law who has dementia. (I couldn't go as I was working.) The lunch involved my husband, brother in law, and a family friend as well as father in law.

They went to a little restaurant near his sheltered accomodation where there was a relatively small choice of freshly cooked food.

Apparently he kept repeating 'I want fish', 'I want fish'. (None of the main courses on offer involved fish.)

And then for dessert it was much the same 'I want vanilla ice cream' (Repeated) I think they found him some chocolate ice cream.

I think he did enjoy being taken out up to a point. It was more that he couldn't understand why the particular dishes he wanted were not available.

(It's possible he'd enjoy a pub lunch more, but he is so elderly and frail that taking him to this nearby restaurant seems better for if he gets tired. Also they don't play loud muzak and as my father in law won't wear his hearing aid, it's impossible to converse with him in most big restaurants where everything is loud and echoey.)

Have just come here for a moan/weep/chance to hear similar stories really.

 

[100 miles]

Mrs Moose,

There must be 1,000s of similar stories in our collective memories.

One which springs to mind was mum's special birthday. Found somewhere with an acceptable menu, table was by the window so it wasn't dark, her seat was next to the radiator so it was warm. BUT...it was Sunday lunchtime and they had a different menu which was far too fancy. I spoke to the waitress and asked for fish and chips- which they kindly served.

But she complained. A lot. Too noisy. Not nice. Too dark. Won't come back here next year.

She was just massively outside her comfort zone. Sandwiches at a cafe which could be served quickly with a cup of coffee was what made her happy. (So long as it could be served quickly enough..which did happen occasionally) We were generally on a hungry 3 yr old's timeframe. (Miss you mum)

I can only recommend you aim for short and sweet meals and avoid busy times.

best wishes

100 miles

 

[Elle3]

Hi,

I take my dad out regularly for food, but I keep it simple, he loves a Carvery and he loves his fish and chips, so unless they are on the menu we have to avoid, otherwise I don't here the last of it. We also go to the same places and we sit at the same table so he is always comfortable with it all and the staff know him and tend to look after him and make allowances for him which is lovely.

My biggest problem now though is getting him to pay his share, which he has been doing just fine for the past few years but recently he seems to expect to get a lunch for no more than £3 and refuses to pay anymore. His understanding of money is vague, although he does like to carry a lot on him, he doesn't like to spend it and will quite happily count out pennies and say is that enough, lol!

Take care.

Elle x

 

[SnowWhite]

My Mum likes going out for a meal and her favourite is fish and chips. They have to be just perfect or she will complain to me but never to the restaurant.

There are quite a few things she can't eat as they upset her stomach. So no bread, nothing spicy, nothing herby, very little pastry, nothing greasy (amazingly chips are Ok!! ).

She doesn't like massive portions on her plate yet complains that her care home often leaves her feeling hungry.

 

[Amy in the US]

Hello, Mrs Moose, it's nice to "see" you again.

I well know that horrible feeling of having the reality of the dementia, or decline, or downturn, or whatever you call it, hit you in the face. It's just lousy.

Oh, yes, I know very much what everyone is talking about, in terms of trying to take their PWD out for a meal or a treat, but not finding it easy to accomplish. It is rather like dealing with an impatient, hungry young child in a restaurant, come to think of it.

We haven't actually taken my mother out since her fall in February, and I'm not sure we will again (at least not in the foreseeable future, until the wretched infection clears up), but we were taking her out until January of this year. We made the mistake of trying to go somewhere nicer for Christmas dinner, not a very fancy place, mind you, and a place we have taken her to in the past where we knew she would like the food. She did like the food, but couldn't cope with all the hustle and bustle and stimulation of a busier restaurant. The smaller cafe place with quick service (and is generally quiet) nearer her care home is a much better bet, we know what to order for her, we know where to sit and all that sort of thing. She was completely disoriented in the other restaurant by everything, including the Christmas music they were playing, and the long wait for our mains meant that shortly after we finished the starter, she thought the meal was over and was ready to leave! Not a huge success overall, except she loved her meal.

It's just not easy.

How are things in general, Mrs Moose? Hope all is as well as is possible to be.

 

[Witzend]

We occasionally took an aunt with early dementia out for lunch - everything would be wrong. I'd usually end up swopping meals with her.

Mind you we also used to take out an old aunt of Dh who didn't even have dementia, and she was even worse! Too hot, too cold, too tough, too sloppy, they don't know how to make pastry any more, why does that waitress wear such a short skirt with legs like that?
Eventually we stopped taking her out - I'd take something to cook quickly at hers - she invariably met us at the door with, 'I'm starving!!'

 

[MrsMoose]

How are things in general, Mrs Moose? Hope all is as well as is possible to be.

Amy, things aren't great.

My father in law is having issues with incontinence. So sometimes he's hiding trousers that smell of urine under his bed.

(He doesn't understand that the trousers are washable and can just be put in the laundry basket)

And sometimes he ends up soiling not just underwear, but the bathroom and livingroom floor.

(His carer soaks the garments and mops the floor.)

He also uses vast amounts of loo roll and sometimes ends up blocking the drains at his sheltered accommodation.

Everyone - the warden, the carer, my husband - is just about coping at the moment. But it's all going downhill.

How are things with you?