Had enough today.

Status
Not open for further replies.

HillyBilly

Registered User
Dec 21, 2015
1,946
0
Ireland
Morning everyone.

Lovely to hear from you HD but sad to read that you're struggling. Big hug. I really hope you find the kitten for you, that will be a lovely thing to look forward to.

Marnie, I too self-harm and it gives me headaches - it's called too much alcohol consumption. We all need an outlet for pent-up whatever.

Last week we attended the most heart-rending funeral. A young man with a wife and three young children who decided enough was enough and took his own life at the age of 33. By golly it puts things into perspective. So far this year I've lost a girlfriend the same age as me to cancer (she sure as hell didn't want to or deserve to go), Mum at 80 to dementia (her time was up and I think she was glad to go) and now a young friend to suicide (who obviously wanted to go but has left so much grief behind). Just cr@p. Please no more deaths.

It's a bank holiday here and we have heavy showers with sunshine in between. OH has gone out to play on his motorbike and I'm waiting for a customer to turn up to pick up his machine. He was supposed to be here at 9.30 :rolleyes:

Love to all xxx
 

Pollytickle

Registered User
Nov 15, 2015
759
0
You will never know how I appreciate you being able to talk about 'self-harm' :eek: The other day I was - literally - banging my head against a very solid wall in utter desperation, having succumbed to the proverbial straw fracturing my empty tank of reserve & reason :( It's the side of Caring nobody will admit, I guess for fear of being labelled selfish or something I suppose :eek:

Is it any wonder that the grieving process is maybe harder for those who have been primary Carers, after perhaps years of sucking it up, breathing a bit deeper, & just getting on with it? We allgrieve[/i] in such different ways, but I wondered if it takes longer for us to accept that part of our lives has changed for ever too, leaving us in a kind of limbo after our days of medications, changing adult nappies, answering the same questions over & over & over again...having your life controlled by someone else's false reality :( . . . . . Maybe some 'expert' could research it . . . . . .
 

WORRIER123

Registered User
Oct 1, 2015
1,174
0
Morning everyone. Thought I'd pop on here before we start our daily routine :)

Good to hear from you again HD, but sorry to hear you're still struggling so much. Hopefully in time things will get a little easier for you, and hopefully the kitten will help somewhat.

Lavender - I thought of you when I read the latest copy of the Alz Society mag - they were advertising lots of very pointy looking play things! I too hope mum slips away quietly before the later stages of this disease hit her. I don't want to see it and I don't want to see her going through it. I really hope we are both spared it. The reality is very stark - I can't really start living my life properly again until mum dies. It's a very unpleasant fact, but a fact it is. A good friend of mine - her mother had Parkinsons and then at the end some dementia - her mum lasted a few years in a home, bed bound. My friend used to say it would be better if she slipped away, I didn't understand that sentiment then, and used to be quite shocked, but now I do sadly.

Mum is still calm and sleeping at night. I would say that she has been stable now for nearly a year. Maybe this is how this dreaded VaD is affecting her. If it was a TIA, maybe it did the damage and that was that, but I guess the chances are that she'll have another at some stage, then I don't know where we'll be. She still hates the carer being here, but I have kind of got used to that - the carer doesn't seem too upset about it! We've got two weeks coming up without the carer. She's on holiday, and I don't want anyone else coming and upsetting the applecart. Fortunately she's off for a week, then working a week, then off for another week, so not two weeks solid.

I think I'm OK, but started doing something recently which I guess you would class as 'self harm'. I'm shocked even writing that! Nothing too serious - I looked it up, and it seems a common thing. I won't be doing it again as it left me with very bad headaches last time and I was very worried. I guess the frustration just had to be vented somewhere, but I'm going to have to find something else to hit.

Hope everyone is doing OK. Not looking forward to the winter - darker days and longer days spent at home, cooped up with this dreadful situation.

Hope you are ok ?
I thought I would be happier when dad wasn't suffering and am I ? Not totally no. Happier that he's not in pain and not having his life destroyed yes but do wonder if I hadn't got nurse out to dress his knee when he fell he wouldn't have been taken to hospital and he wouldn't have caught hospital aquired pneumonia three times which is what caused the severe decline in his health
I was looking at pictures of dad between 8 April and 8 May and in 4 weeks he lost every function going.
I don't think I will ever get over seeing him in later stages ever especially as he was in hospital and not at home with me
All I can be sure of is I and the Carer and majority of nurses at hospital gave him the respect and compassion he so deserved.
I am more cut up over dad that my mum and I was closer to my mum.
I think the caring brings you closer and makes you grieve more as you you feel you could have done more
Well that's me walking to the post office in tears
Hope you are all okay. Dull weather doesn't help xx
 

MollyD

Registered User
Mar 27, 2016
1,696
0
Ireland
Oh, yes, a tight group hug, please.

Such honest posts, and I can relate to so much in them.

HillyBilly, so, so sorry to read of the awful, untimely death of your friend to suicide.

((((*))));
 

Lavender45

Registered User
Jun 7, 2015
1,607
0
Liverpool
Sending everyone many, many (((hugs))). Everyone is having such a tough time (me aside). I hope you all know that I think everyone on this thread is utterly brilliant and so strong having dealt with so much. We will all come out the other side of caring and grieving in time and with the support we get here which quite honestly is beyond price. X
 

WORRIER123

Registered User
Oct 1, 2015
1,174
0
Sending everyone many, many (((hugs))). Everyone is having such a tough time (me aside). I hope you all know that I think everyone on this thread is utterly brilliant and so strong having dealt with so much. We will all come out the other side of caring and grieving in time and with the support we get here which quite honestly is beyond price. X

Here here
 

jorgieporgie

Registered User
Mar 2, 2016
1,982
0
YORKSHIRE
I am here and in the group hug too. Yes Lavender it really is a blessing that we all found each other and become such good support for each other.
Thank you all for joining my thread and been such good friends. Oh I'm feeling quiet soppy and tearful now. Big hugs to you all xxx
 

WORRIER123

Registered User
Oct 1, 2015
1,174
0
I am here and in the group hug too. Yes Lavender it really is a blessing that we all found each other and become such good support for each other.
Thank you all for joining my thread and been such good friends. Oh I'm feeling quiet soppy and tearful now. Big hugs to you all xxx

The thread title will go on .... had enough today
I always thought it was subject rant which is equally apt
 

Marnie63

Registered User
Dec 26, 2015
1,637
0
Hampshire
You will never know how I appreciate you being able to talk about 'self-harm' :eek: The other day I was - literally - banging my head against a very solid wall in utter desperation, having succumbed to the proverbial straw fracturing my empty tank of reserve & reason :( It's the side of Caring nobody will admit, I guess for fear of being labelled selfish or something I suppose :eek:

Is it any wonder that the grieving process is maybe harder for those who have been primary Carers, after perhaps years of sucking it up, breathing a bit deeper, & just getting on with it? We allgrieve[/i] in such different ways, but I wondered if it takes longer for us to accept that part of our lives has changed for ever too, leaving us in a kind of limbo after our days of medications, changing adult nappies, answering the same questions over & over & over again...having your life controlled by someone else's false reality :( . . . . . Maybe some 'expert' could research it . . . . . .

I'm glad it's not just me PT - you have made me feel a bit more normal again! I too have banged my head on a wall, but the last time I was actually thumping myself on the head in sheer frustration. Yes, 'having my life controlled by someone else's false reality' - what a great way to sum it up. I do worry what this is doing to me mentally. I mean, I think I'm still OK, still me, but it's got to be doing something, no? None of my friends has told me that I'm looking different or behaving differently (of course they haven't witnessed the head banging!).

I too have been comfort eating at times, but somehow, miraculously, I am only four pounds heavier than I was around two years ago. Maybe the mental anguish uses up some calories? I do move around the house a lot, doing what I do for mum, but I can't remember the last time I went out for a long walk. Once our carer has been on her holidays, I will be booking her for some Sundays so that I can go out for a long, country walk with my walking group. I can take it or leave it with alcohol. I did go through a few months of having wine in regularly and having a glass a night, but not sure it really helped.

HB - sorry to hear about your friend's suicide - how awful and how very, very sad. Hope you are OK and taking care of yourself. Hope the business plans are going well. If it's something we can buy to cheer ourselves up, send me details of the website!

Worrier - yes, I think you're right, the caring, in whatever form, brings us closer to the caree. In a way, I hope this will help me when mum is gone - that we have had this time of 'closeness', however hard it may be at times (and of course I am still in the middle of it and don't quite know how it will all pan out). I keep trying to focus on some positives, even though the negatives are massive. I hope you too are doing OK. What a time you had, all those problems, all those idiots and chocolate medics.

I so much wish that mum's state of mind was such that she was happy to be taken to a care home setting for just a day so that I could take a breather in my own home, but sadly that's not the case.

Glad we had that group hug - feel a bit better this evening!
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,730
0
Ireland
Glad you feel a bit better Marnie, and others. The stress, when you are "in the thick of it, can, I think, bring us to the brink at times. We can start to doubt our selves, (or at least I used to!) and to wonder "Is it me or is it him?" And the isolation, with no one else to talk to except someone who seems to be not really there at times. I remember looking at William a couple of times and the expression "the lights are on, but nobody's home" popping into my head. And I remember wondering all the dreadful "what if's". Oh, if family carers were just given the support they need, think what we could do, considering what we do with so little!! :rolleyes:

Hope you all have a good night. xx
 

Harrys daughter

Registered User
Jul 12, 2016
385
0
Well I'm going to give you all a good laugh

I took the grand children horse riding lessons this afternoon and managed to trip on the door thresh I nearly saved my fall then my foot turned under and bang down I went all 15.5 stone of me my poor gd was just behind me it shook her up seeing her old big mamma hit the car park floor so I'm now covered in ouchy bits
 

rosy18

Registered User
Jul 23, 2016
1,281
0
Blackpool
Hope your not feeling too sore Harrys'd, it must have given you a shock !

I too am feeling better after the group hug.xxxxx

HB sorry to read about your friends suicide, the poor family left must be devastated.



Today I decided to try and get Mum to singing, she wouldnt eat anything and just had few sips of tea but we went and the Lady from the alzheimers society who runs the singing for the brain helped me in with Mum who for the first time didn't have the interest and started to get a little anxious.
When we were leaving the same Lady helped me out to the car with Mum and asked me what care I had in place at home. I told her and then she asked me how I was and who did I turn to for help and support My TP family I said I don't know what I would do without them and then I had to quickly get into the car as when anyone asks me how I am it always makes me quite tearful quite embarrassing really.

So all you lovely ladies who help me keep my sanity I raise a glass "To Jorgie's thread "xxxx
 

Pollytickle

Registered User
Nov 15, 2015
759
0
Why do people always ask if the Carer has 'help' :mad: ...surely the 'professionals' know how bluddin difficult it is to get 'help'...don't they see it every day, or are they blinkered by the level of their own empathy :mad: :mad:
Someone should poke them in this direction so they can read of the battles facing a Carer because their Loved One falls in the cracks between one agency & another, & the Carer is left to make their own grout from a few grains of information, when they can find it.

Don't get me wrong; I know there are some terrific DNs, OTs, SWs etc but the whole package just doesn't want to work together... You can't make a cake by cooking the ingredients separately but that is how a Care Package seems to think it should, or rather the government who is ultimately responsible for the recipe.

It all comes back to the filthy lucre doesn't it...in an ideal world one SW would have just the one Caree at a time, who would gather in the resources & help the Carer complete the jigsaw puzzle that is an Individual Care Package.
There would be enough CH beds, home helps, transport, day centres, & trained respite to provide cover while the Primary Carer has a break.
And Caring for your family in all its many guises would be recognised for the invaluable contribution to society that it is.
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,730
0
Ireland
Don't get me wrong; I know there are some terrific DNs, OTs, SWs etc but the whole package just doesn't want to work together... You can't make a cake by cooking the ingredients separately but that is how a Care Package seems to think it should, or rather the government who is ultimately responsible for the recipe.

This. Exactly.
 

jorgieporgie

Registered User
Mar 2, 2016
1,982
0
YORKSHIRE
Morning Ladies,
Shall we have another Group hug, just for the sake of it:p
Hope your all well, its chucking it down her and looks likes its in for the day:( hpe its better where you all are.
Have a good day xx
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,730
0
Ireland
Morning, Jorgie. Hug from me, anyway. My roof/chimney repair men are already here and working for the last half hour! :eek:
 

Marnie63

Registered User
Dec 26, 2015
1,637
0
Hampshire
Most of the info I gathered I had to find myself. Fortunately I am someone who is good at finding out, good at organising, co-ordinating, etc. I did this as a job for years. But there are people out there who don't find this as easy and I bet there are millions of carers still unaware of basic benefit entitlement and who is out there to physically support and help them. We have to rely on word of mouth by experience. Now I know of TP, I tell others. I know what discounts, benefits you can get if someone in the home has dementia - but why can't there be a simple check list that a medic at some point in the journey hands you, specific to your area, which tells you what and how. How much time would that save 'the authorities'?

One thing which was very good was the 'Understanding Dementia' course I was invited to attend once mum was formally diagnosed with VaD. But even that was a bit of a 'fluke' - we live practically on a county border - we live one side - our GP surgery is the other. I managed to stay with that surgery (after we moved 'across the border') as said it was important to mum for continuity, etc. The area the surgery sits under runs these courses, but I was told the area we actually live in doesn't! So if our surgery was more local, I wouldn't have had the benefit of that course. The course was great - six weeks of 2 hours an evening, different topics each week. I felt I could contribute quite a bit because of info I already had and also could highlight experiences in our area. But why no such course pan country? Someone needs to take this in hand - basic info and support for a disease that has such a huge, huge impact on people and their lives. I hate the way all of this caring, especially where dementia is concerned, seems to be done in the shadows somehow, info handed out in dribs and drabs, people having no idea really what those in the thick of it are going through, and what dementia does to those around it, not just the sufferer. Grr.

HD - hope you are OK after the fall? Maybe a few less G&Ts before you go out?! :)

Rosie - sorry to hear about your mum's latest outing. We have a church in a local village where they run a weekly 'café' for carer and caree, run by the Alz Soc. I haven't been yet. I really don't know how it would go for mum. I guess she might think it's just a normal café, I don't know. One day I will pluck up the courage to take her, though I suspect it's probably for people at an earlier stage of the disease. Don't know 'til I try! Maybe one to do when the carer is on holiday, and I start getting cabin fever again!
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.