Like many others I have followed this forum for several years, and now the time has come to join !
Brief background : mum and dad (80 and 83) have been married 60 years and have always adored each other. Dad has own health problems ( prostate cancer and AF) but has continued to care for mum who has mixed dementia/ Alzheimers.
Recently mum has gone downhill; she is incontinent and has been through a phase of not allowing anyone to change her pads. She also doesn't sleep for more than two hours , and that's with medication.
I have been sleeping at theirs while dad sleeps at my daughter's , or dad does the night shift while I have mum during the day. We also had carers helping out 4 days a week.
Crisis point came when mum was kicking and hitting us all yet again as we changed her pads and dad is fading before our eyes. He finally agreed we weren't coping and mum went into respite care yesterday , supposedly for two weeks but with a view to it becoming permanent.
It was the worst feeling ever taking her yesterday- she was so happy and then as we toured her room and the home she became quieter and quieter so obviously twigged something was going on. The staff guided her away and I could escape, but sobbed all afternoon.
I know it's very early days, but dad has already said he's not going to visit and he just sobs. I know I must go in tomorrow but feel physically sick. She must feel abandoned by all ; I'm just so so sad.
Brief background : mum and dad (80 and 83) have been married 60 years and have always adored each other. Dad has own health problems ( prostate cancer and AF) but has continued to care for mum who has mixed dementia/ Alzheimers.
Recently mum has gone downhill; she is incontinent and has been through a phase of not allowing anyone to change her pads. She also doesn't sleep for more than two hours , and that's with medication.
I have been sleeping at theirs while dad sleeps at my daughter's , or dad does the night shift while I have mum during the day. We also had carers helping out 4 days a week.
Crisis point came when mum was kicking and hitting us all yet again as we changed her pads and dad is fading before our eyes. He finally agreed we weren't coping and mum went into respite care yesterday , supposedly for two weeks but with a view to it becoming permanent.
It was the worst feeling ever taking her yesterday- she was so happy and then as we toured her room and the home she became quieter and quieter so obviously twigged something was going on. The staff guided her away and I could escape, but sobbed all afternoon.
I know it's very early days, but dad has already said he's not going to visit and he just sobs. I know I must go in tomorrow but feel physically sick. She must feel abandoned by all ; I'm just so so sad.
