Carer breakdown

Havemercy

Registered User
Oct 8, 2012
157
0
I don't know if anyone has seen this today -

https://www.expressandstar.com/news...-potato-row-at-brierley-hill-home-is-cleared/

Very sad and more about carer breakdown I think. It seems the elderly lady concerned did have capacity and was therefore able to refuse to have carers for herself to help her son cope - but how many carers in the community are in the same position? I have come across just this situation in course of my work in a hospital - it is very frustrating when someone will not accept that their carer is at breaking point.

Any thoughts?
 

brambles

Registered User
Sep 22, 2014
257
0
NW England
Oh dear, what a sad, sad story.

It seems like the jury were able to see the reality of the situation.....as you say carer breakdown is almost certainly the cause.

It is such a difficult situation when people will not accept the help they need, but what the answer is I have no idea.
 

Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
6,063
0
Salford
If you go to the links associated with the story one quote is;
“They argued about potatoes. He got angry, threw a writing pad across the table. He said ‘that is the last time you speak to me like that’. She responded to that by leaning forward and gritting her teeth. He panicked, went to the arm chair and picked her up and frogmarched her to the door to get her away from him.
His intention was to put her outside and slam the door. He held her arms, then she was on the floor.”
And another that;
After being told I’m stupid for trying to sort Christmas dinner out I just lost it and went to chuck her out of the door.”
We've all felt like that at times but I've never thrown anything at anyone or tried to "chuck someone out the door" (his words not mine) no matter how bad it got.
How you can do that to someone with lung cancer, emphysema and osteoporosis?
It is carer breakdown but it's pretty extreme, we all may feel like that sometime, ready to snap but we manage to keep it together.
K
 

oilovlam

Registered User
Aug 2, 2015
386
0
South East
Looks like the jury saw that this chap was in an impossible situation and the 'accident' was a moment of madness and not malicious. Strange how it ever got to court.

I expect that the jurors imagined themselves in his shoes and could see themselves blowing a fuse now and again.

The usual advice is for the carer to leave the room, but when you aren't thinking straight then you do odd things.
 

Lilac Blossom

Registered User
Oct 6, 2014
609
0
Scotland
The article says that his sister and other relatives have stood by him but did they support him in the caring role? Did they see that he was at breaking point? Did they help care for their mother?
 

oilovlam

Registered User
Aug 2, 2015
386
0
South East
The article says that his sister and other relatives have stood by him but did they support him in the caring role? Did they see that he was at breaking point? Did they help care for their mother?

We'll probably never know. Unlikely he used their indifference as a defence (assuming they were 'invisible')....but at least they supported him at the trial. Really someone should have tried to take him away from a toxic environment when it was obvious he couldn't cope. Perhaps they did try but he refused.
 

Marnie63

Registered User
Dec 26, 2015
1,637
0
Hampshire
I'm just surprised things like this don't happen more frequently.

Me too :( I've been pushed to levels of stress and anger with mum's dementia that I didn't think were possible, and that I've definitely not experienced before. I'd like to think I'm not capable of doing anything daft, and also that I'd pick up the phone and call someone before I got to that stage, but none of us really knows until the moment is upon us! Glad the guy wasn't prosecuted.
 

MollyD

Registered User
Mar 27, 2016
1,696
0
Ireland
If you go to the links associated with the story one quote is;
“They argued about potatoes. He got angry, threw a writing pad across the table. He said ‘that is the last time you speak to me like that’. She responded to that by leaning forward and gritting her teeth. He panicked, went to the arm chair and picked her up and frogmarched her to the door to get her away from him.
His intention was to put her outside and slam the door. He held her arms, then she was on the floor.”
And another that;
After being told I’m stupid for trying to sort Christmas dinner out I just lost it and went to chuck her out of the door.”
We've all felt like that at times but I've never thrown anything at anyone or tried to "chuck someone out the door" (his words not mine) no matter how bad it got.
How you can do that to someone with lung cancer, emphysema and osteoporosis?
It is carer breakdown but it's pretty extreme, we all may feel like that sometime, ready to snap but we manage to keep it together.
K

It is extreme, yet it did happen and he didn't keep it together. Why? Because he snapped.

It's horrendous and tragic and there is no excuse, but there *are* reasons, obviously.

I read of some people's extreme situations here, the challenges they face with little to no support and I marvel at their strength, marvel at their resilience in pretty intolerable circumstances.

I'm sometimes more surprised by these qualities manifesting than I would be to hear that someone snapped.

I'm pleased this guy wasn't sent down. He has to live with it. That is reminder enough.

I feel I *could never* do anything like this. But the reality is I *hope* I could never do anything like this. There but for the grace of God.