Dealing with strangers

[sue_1]

This will sound so silly to some of you but for me its a big very real problem. I can not deal deal with strangers and have not been able to do so for years. Now mum has dementia I have had to deal with doctors, nurses for mums bloods, other hospital appointments, well being clinic, sorting out a carer to shower mum and even the carers that pick mum up and brings mum home from day center, today memory clinic phoned to say they will be here next week, and after the phone call i just burst into tears and had some sort of panic attack, just cant stop crying and feels such a fool as all i have done is given myself a headache. How on earth do you all cope?

 

[marionq]

Sue you should be congratulated for doing all the things that you would rather not do. Having supported your mother so well you can forgive yourself for the occasional meltdown. We all have them but have differing trigger points. Strangers don't bother me as I have never felt that I was less deserving or less important than anyone else. What triggers me to dismay is that all the effort I make to present my husband well and make him comfortable and happy can go in a moment if he decides to act up.

So don't think of yourself as failing or weak. You're human just like the rest of us.

 

[arielsmelody]

Hi Sue. It sounds as if you have a huge amount to cope with already - my dad is the most social person in the world, but now my mum has a severe physical disability they both find the constant stream of care visits, district nurse visits, hospital appointments and all the rest can be overwhelming at times.

It sounds as if maybe you are struggling with social anxiety. Have you tried talking to your gp? There may be help that they can offer, even if it's helping you to understand why you are struggling which might help you cope better if you have another bad day.

 

[Beate]

Two things - see if you have a local Carers Centre or Alzheimer's Society group and ask if one of the staff would act as your official advocate in dealings with for example Social Services.

Secondly, see if you can be referred for any counselling. Yes, you'd have to talk to a stranger again but it's really unavoidable in life unless you're a hermit high up a mountain. So you need to find strategies to deal with what I suspect is a case of low self-esteem and self-confidence. Trust me, you can overcome these feelings.

 

[nae sporran]

Beate makes a good point Sue. The lady I suggested you call about carers groups in Bristol can help with advocacy, so call the carer support centre. Of course, she is a stranger too, but very patient and kind.

I do know how you feel though, it takes it toll especially the extra responsibility and I have taken a walk round the block after dealing with some things. I would also recommend counselling as that helped me deal with my past.

 

[LadyA]

This will sound so silly to some of you but for me its a big very real problem. I can not deal deal with strangers and have not been able to do so for years. Now mum has dementia I have had to deal with doctors, nurses for mums bloods, other hospital appointments, well being clinic, sorting out a carer to shower mum and even the carers that pick mum up and brings mum home from day center, today memory clinic phoned to say they will be here next week, and after the phone call i just burst into tears and had some sort of panic attack, just cant stop crying and feels such a fool as all i have done is given myself a headache. How on earth do you all cope?

Sue, you are doing so much to help your mum. And it has really pushed you to beyond what you thought were your limits. So, I have to say, that it looks like you have been doing an amazing job. Now, you need some help for yourself, in order that you can go on helping your mum. Don't shortchange yourself on this. Because you have already achieved so much on your own.

You said "I cannot deal with strangers and have not been able to do so for years." And yet, you have dealt with strangers, for your mum's sake. Over and over again. You've already done the hardest part, facing the thing you cannot do and doing it anyway. With that kind of courage and determination, there will be no stopping you! So, you've had a melt down, and cried your eyes out. Good. You'll feel all the better for it, I'm sure.

Now, get on to the doctor, and do some shouting, about how much you need help with this, in order that you can continue caring for your mum.

 

[Zana]

Im actually very honest with all the people that suddenly seem to be in my life because of OH's dementia..

Ive told them I am an antisocial isolationist and would prefer to be on a island with my dog.

I ty to keep contact to a minimum and arrange calls or appointments on a day when I know I can do something I like such as going for a good walk with the dog after having to deal with them..

Its not silly at all some of us just dont like strangers.