How to approach care at home

[Vicki_T2702]

Hi all.

I posted on here when Mum had been diagnosed, we have come quite a way since last May and now I think we have rapidly got to the stage where someone visiting home would be a sensible option.

My Dad is very reluctant to reach out and I think that is just his nature. He is still working 3 days a week but we are starting to notice more short term memory issues with Mum. She is taking less care in her appearance (still showering) and is wearing the same three outfits every week.

I contacted the Dementia helpline who have given me some numbers to call for a Support Worker nearby. I just wondered if someone who has gone through this process has successfully had the conversation with the affected person, as I feel inviting someone into our home to assess or even just chat to Mum will be an insult to her when she realises (for all of 5 minutes) why they are there.

She is very set in her ways and despite now not cleaning or cooking any more I think she would be upset if she knew we thought she needed help not just with chores but with her socialising because to her nothing is wrong.

A few people have also said my Dad is entitled to a care allowance and this is way over my head.

I would love to know your thoughts and experiences.

Thanks,
Vicki

 

[Pickles53]

Your dad may be entitled to Carer's Allowance depending on how much he earns. Your mum may be entitled to Attendance Allowance which is not means-tested. Best way to find out more about both of these is to ask for someone from Age UK or AlzSoc or CAB to help you with the form-filling. If AA is awarded, your mum can also apply for a reduction on council tax called the SMI disregard.

All this will help with funding the extra support you feel your mum now needs. How to get her to accept help is a more difficult problem. I've seen lots of suggestions but what worked for me was to tell my mum the carer was there to stop me worrying so much about her when I couldn't be there myself.

 

[Philbo]

I see your location is Kent, so assuming your mum is in Kent too, I would highly recommend getting in touch with Crossroads Care (Google "Crossroads Care Kent"). They are a charity that provides support for carers and I found them very good at offering support and advice.

Their outreach chap who came to visit also seemed to know a whole host of other organisations who could help with a whole range of issues.

Regards
Phil

 

[Vicki_T2702]

Your dad may be entitled to Carer's Allowance depending on how much he earns. Your mum may be entitled to Attendance Allowance which is not means-tested. Best way to find out more about both of these is to ask for someone from Age UK or AlzSoc or CAB to help you with the form-filling. If AA is awarded, your mum can also apply for a reduction on council tax called the SMI disregard.

All this will help with funding the extra support you feel your mum now needs. How to get her to accept help is a more difficult problem. I've seen lots of suggestions but what worked for me was to tell my mum the carer was there to stop me worrying so much about her when I couldn't be there myself.

Thank you very much for your response, I didn't know that about the council tax. I will take a look and thank you for the approach suggestion.

Vicki

 

[Vicki_T2702]

I see your location is Kent, so assuming your mum is in Kent too, I would highly recommend getting in touch with Crossroads Care (Google "Crossroads Care Kent"). They are a charity that provides support for carers and I found them very good at offering support and advice.

Their outreach chap who came to visit also seemed to know a whole host of other organisations who could help with a whole range of issues.

Regards
Phil

Hi there, yes we are both living in Kent, thank you for your reply. I will look that up, thank you very much.

Vicki

 

[Mannie]

What I found in my own similar situation was that I worried needlessly. Most carers I have encountered are really friendly and the person they care for can welcome a friendly face to have a cuppa etc. Even if it not as straightforward as my situation, it is best just to do it. Your instincts are right, follow them as soon as possible, and do what is right for your whole family . If your father can keep working, that will be very good for his own mental health, if you leave it too long he might feel he has to give up work which would be a shame for him.

To find a good care company, I would attend the local Alzheimer's Cafe /Carers Coffee morning and ask for recommendations. A big priority for you is arranging LPAs , if you do one thing do that, get a solicitor if you can afford it, to make it easier for you, u have enough on your hands already.