OH woke me at 5.20 this morning...ranting about his clothes. It doesn't even make sense, there's no point typing everything he said...he is sleeping again now. I just can't come to terms with how quickly he is deteriorating. I keep thinking I will get my husband back and we will have a laugh at the things he has said and done. He gets angry with me...and I have never seen him angry before. We were both widowed in 2008, and married in 2012, so I haven't known him for a really long time and sometimes I don't know whether it is the dementia I'm seeing, or what is 'normal' for him.
I just can't accept this...I want my life back. I thought dementia was supposed to be a slow progression? I know I sound selfish, but he has absolutely no awareness of how this is affecting me. He is just full of himself and his problems. I feel like I am not a wife, I am just here to facilitate his life. I gave up work when he had cancer, a few months after we married... and then we decided I wouldn't go back, but that we would enjoy retirement. (He is 19 years older than me). Well, that lasted 18 months, and then he was diagnosed with dementia.
I feel like life/fate is having a damned good laugh at me. My late husband and I were married for four years before he was diagnosed with cancer, and he died five long years later. When my present husband got cancer, I returned to the counsellor at the hospice...and do you know...she suggested that my purpose in life...that I had been put on this earth...to ease the lives and passing of older men. My destiny. Now I feel like my life is on hold again...until I am widowed...again.
I just can't accept this...I want my life back. I thought dementia was supposed to be a slow progression? I know I sound selfish, but he has absolutely no awareness of how this is affecting me. He is just full of himself and his problems. I feel like I am not a wife, I am just here to facilitate his life. I gave up work when he had cancer, a few months after we married... and then we decided I wouldn't go back, but that we would enjoy retirement. (He is 19 years older than me). Well, that lasted 18 months, and then he was diagnosed with dementia.
I feel like life/fate is having a damned good laugh at me. My late husband and I were married for four years before he was diagnosed with cancer, and he died five long years later. When my present husband got cancer, I returned to the counsellor at the hospice...and do you know...she suggested that my purpose in life...that I had been put on this earth...to ease the lives and passing of older men. My destiny. Now I feel like my life is on hold again...until I am widowed...again.
