Endless nights and lonely empty days.
I’m like a ship with no anchor, drifting with the tide.
On a leaden sea, shrouded in a colourless haze.
Since that sad dawn on which my dear wife died.
How truly hard this is! The worst part has been the gradual realisation of the finality of this parting. I know that may sound odd, but I had hoped against hope that I would wakeup to find it all a very bad dream.
Having trouble sleeping, I spend the time trawling the internet. Inevitably, grasping at any straws, I sample the bereavement forums and am surprised at the number of web sites dealing with conjecture and discussion about life after death, from both the religious and scientific standpoints. I have always considered myself an agnostic on scientific grounds. But now I find my scientific scruples are only skin deep and I desperately want to be proved wrong. I want to believe that death is not the end. I spend my time hoping, looking and listening for a sign.
So I sit in the cemetery waiting….
As the proverb says ’There’s no fool like an old fool.’
Endless nights and lonely empty days.
I’m like a ship with no anchor, drifting with the tide.
On a leaden sea, shrouded in a colourless haze.
Since that sad dawn on which my dear wife died.
How truly hard this is! The worst part has been the gradual realisation of the finality of this parting. I know that may sound odd, but I had hoped against hope that I would wakeup to find it all a very bad dream.
Having trouble sleeping, I spend the time trawling the internet. Inevitably, grasping at any straws, I sample the bereavement forums and am surprised at the number of web sites dealing with conjecture and discussion about life after death, from both the religious and scientific standpoints. I have always considered myself an agnostic on scientific grounds. But now I find my scientific scruples are only skin deep and I desperately want to be proved wrong. I want to believe that death is not the end. I spend my time hoping, looking and listening for a sign.
So I sit in the cemetery waiting….
As the proverb says ’There’s no fool like an old fool.’
Dear Mike,
You are suffering from deep, deep grief, loss and immeasurable heartbreak. Why does wanting to believe that death is not the end make you a fool? I hold on tight to my Spiritual beliefs-it's how I cope on a certain level. Many people can't embrace the idea
that they will somehow meet their loved one when they themselves pass; but why should a scientific viewpoint be more likely than a Spiritualist one?
Many people on this Forum have posted about 'signs' where they felt their LO was 'watching' over them; wishful thinking or the result of a deep seated belief? I remember very clearly on a dark Winter's day, not long after Pete had passed, looking out of the window at the dark sky and crying with the sheer pain of loss. The room started to slowly get lighter and I felt Pete give me one of his bear hugs. Yes, I felt his presence and his love, and it comforted me. I hope you find the same comfort soon Mike.
Love,
Lyn T XX