Hi, recently my dad has refused to sit on the toilet. When led to the toilet by carers and asked to sit down he becomes very angry and swears a lot. To avoid sitting on the toilet he hangs on to objects nearby such as the sink or towel rails. He has got himself so upset he starts to shake. The only time he will sit willingly sit is when he really needs to go to the toilet. Has anybody come across this issue before and if so what did you do to work around it? I'm wondering if he's scared on the toilet or sees it as something different in his mind. Dad hasn't been scared on water to my knowledge, I've seen him swim and he used to fish so was happy to be open water. Thank you so much for reading xx
Scared on the toilet
- Thread starter Miss A
- Start date
I haven't heard of this issue but I hope someone will be able to suggest something to you. Could he be shaking because his muscles are at an unusual angle avoiding sitting down?
My mum had problems with sequencing and couldn't get back up off the loo - she couldn't remember how to stand up - could this be what your dad is afraid of? There were several episodes when she was out at Bingo which we now realise were due to forgetting what to do.
My mum had problems with sequencing and couldn't get back up off the loo - she couldn't remember how to stand up - could this be what your dad is afraid of? There were several episodes when she was out at Bingo which we now realise were due to forgetting what to do.
My husband seemed to get frightened, it was as if he wasn't sure if there was something there for him to sit on, he would keep looking round behind him. He also sometimes seemed scared to stand back up. I did try raised loo seats which were ok to start with but then he didn't sit far enough back so the floor was always wet. Do you have a frame round the loo that he could use to support himself and perhaps give him more confidence? Again my husband wasn't keen as it wobbled so he kept using the sink to hold on to.
It might be a colour perception problem, if everything in the bathroom is the same white. He might not be able to identify the toilet, and why would he want to sit down on something he can't see? Get a red toilet seat or a patterned one, and see whether it makes any difference. You can google them with the word dementia, and there'll be loads popping up.
It's a very common problem, I'm afraid.
There may be several things here. He might not recognise it as somewhere to go to the loo.
He might just have forgotten how to sit on the loo. As I know to my cost, this can happen, may be followed by a mess on the floor!
He might not be able to perceive it properly either. Most loos are white on white, red seats are easier for them to see and hence know what they are there for.
I'm sure there are a couple if more things I have forgotten. Is he able to tell you what the problem is? Though most can't, I admit.
If you can't love it, into pads might be in order, a whole new ball game!
There may be several things here. He might not recognise it as somewhere to go to the loo.
He might just have forgotten how to sit on the loo. As I know to my cost, this can happen, may be followed by a mess on the floor!
He might not be able to perceive it properly either. Most loos are white on white, red seats are easier for them to see and hence know what they are there for.
I'm sure there are a couple if more things I have forgotten. Is he able to tell you what the problem is? Though most can't, I admit.
If you can't love it, into pads might be in order, a whole new ball game!
At home we have a red toilet seat and grab rails which really help my husband.
A red toilet seat is recommended for people with dementia as it is much easier for them to see it. I had the grab rails installed when my husband started to get worried about how far down the toilet seat seemed to be - he was nervous and could not judge the distance when trying to sit down.
I wonder if your dad could be clinging on to the towel rail and sink because he too has problems working out how far down the toilet is and is scared of falling, so tries his best to avoid it?
Another thing that might help is a raised toilet seat so that it isn't as far to sit down. You can also get them in red.
The reason I keep going on about red is because, in our situation, it makes a real difference. Whenever we are away from home and my husband has to use a white toilet seat there are big problems with him trying to get his bearings and he gets scared of falling, even if there are grab rails.
A red toilet seat is recommended for people with dementia as it is much easier for them to see it. I had the grab rails installed when my husband started to get worried about how far down the toilet seat seemed to be - he was nervous and could not judge the distance when trying to sit down.
I wonder if your dad could be clinging on to the towel rail and sink because he too has problems working out how far down the toilet is and is scared of falling, so tries his best to avoid it?
Another thing that might help is a raised toilet seat so that it isn't as far to sit down. You can also get them in red.
The reason I keep going on about red is because, in our situation, it makes a real difference. Whenever we are away from home and my husband has to use a white toilet seat there are big problems with him trying to get his bearings and he gets scared of falling, even if there are grab rails.
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Thank you for taking the time to reply everyone.
I hadn't thought of the colour perseption, that's interesting. The toilet seat is white on a white toilet. He does have a plastic seat over the toilet seat but again that is white. It can wobbly occasionally too.
He's already wearing pads, has been for a good 7/8 months. The carers like to sit him on the toilet when they change his trousers and pants. They've used a commode too but the same issue occurs...shouting swearing etc.
I think the shaking is mainly to do with anger and frustration more than his muscles. He gets himself very worked up.
It's a worry xx
I hadn't thought of the colour perseption, that's interesting. The toilet seat is white on a white toilet. He does have a plastic seat over the toilet seat but again that is white. It can wobbly occasionally too.
He's already wearing pads, has been for a good 7/8 months. The carers like to sit him on the toilet when they change his trousers and pants. They've used a commode too but the same issue occurs...shouting swearing etc.
I think the shaking is mainly to do with anger and frustration more than his muscles. He gets himself very worked up.
It's a worry xx
