Desperate for advice, how will I cope...

[sheriej]

Mum is 76 and had been told approx a year ago she had dementia, I asked for a follow up appointment early this year and the outcome was she has been given a proper diagnosis of Vascular Dementia. I was told basically to get her affairs in order, sort out the power of attorney and keep her healthy the discharged her, fine I can do that...or so I thought. She will not talk about anything to do with her care plan etc. She knows whats happening she has watched programs but still doesnt talk about it. She had a fall last week and a couple of little trips over the weekend and she just brushes it off by saying its her shoes or something similar she is in denial.

Two weeks ago I left Mum with her partner who is Diabetic type2 and he had notice his memory was getting worse. While he was getting his feet checked he mentioned about his memory, the nurse said it could be to do with his Diabetes, side affect of ECT he had in his 20's or the start of Dementia, She run the MMSE test on him which he failed miserably, tomorrow he has an appointment with the GP on the nurses advice. If he has dementia too how am I going to cope. I have no support in the area I live, my closest relative is an hour away. Feeling emotional

 

[Selinacroft]

Hi Sherie
Are you living with mum and her partner or caring from afar? Have you got any help in already? If not I think you need to get a couple of Needs Assessments done and get both mum and her partner on the radar of Social Services. Do they live in an area with plenty of care agencies? Are either of them able to do anything for themselves? How much are you having to do on their behalf?
Once you've organised their assessments , request a separate one for yourself as carer and see what SS can offer/advise.
Do you think mum and partner will be self funding? Different decisions really if that is the case.

 

[LadyA]

Another thought- you said you don't have family nearby. What about your mum's partner? Does he have any family around? If so, make sure SS know that. And get in touch with his family too to let them know the situation.

 

[sheriej]

Hi Sherie
Are you living with mum and her partner or caring from afar? Have you got any help in already? If not I think you need to get a couple of Needs Assessments done and get both mum and her partner on the radar of Social Services. Do they live in an area with plenty of care agencies? Are either of them able to do anything for themselves? How much are you having to do on their behalf?
Once you've organised their assessments , request a separate one for yourself as carer and see what SS can offer/advise.
Do you think mum and partner will be self funding? Different decisions really if that is the case.

I live with them both My stepfather is her carer as I didnt want to give up work until absolutely necessary but if he is diagnosed he wont be able to care for her. Mum is stubborn and is in denial she is quite happy plodding along I think if stepdad is diagnosed then it may sink in that things need to be sorted he is 6'4 and 20plus stone neither of us will manage to meet his needs. His family live around an hour away too but they dont drive so means train journeys. As far as self funding they pay all the bills not in any debt but only have minimal savings.

 

[LadyA]

Then needs assessment is vital, and applications for attendance allowance and possibly disregard of Council Tax.

 

[sheriej]

Then needs assessment is vital, and applications for attendance allowance and possibly disregard of Council Tax.

Mum already gets AA and step dad gets PIP. His GP said yes there is a chance he has onset dementia, she is calling me for a telephone consultation as she wishes to discuss this with me then will decide the next step. The original appointment was with regard to a black spot on his toe which is now being fast tracked as she thinks there is a chance it could be Cancer.

Also while I was at the surgery with Stepdad, mum had another fall, I think its time to get things sorted.

 

[JohnBG]

Take care U.

My Step mother was in denial for a long time although you may know better that in itself will not fine any truth with her, my mother was very adamant she did not want or need help, she was not understanding in telling all.

Almost immediately the SW suggested POA and so it became within a short timescale, help is available the quality of that debatable, so help yourself in what need doing get help for yourself and have some time away.

Take care good luck. John.

 

[oilovlam]

There are other things that cause dementia like symptoms. So the GP needs to do tests to make sure there isn't something else causing the confusion.

 

[sheriej]

Still waiting on scan date for stepdad, but bloods and ecg all booked in. He had a letter today the hospital have send an apointment for next week re his black mark on his foot (suspected cancer) so things are moving along. Mum had another fall this morning that is 3 full falls and 2 stumbles in a fortnight. Doc says could be co ordination and is sending her for physio! She is also waiting on blood results.

Are the falls part of dementia? is it part of the course or could this be something else?

 

[LadyA]

Dementia can affect spatial awareness and depth perception - so, for example, patterned floor coverings are mistaken for an uneven surface. The person sees each colour of the pattern as being not so much a different colour as a different surface level. This leads to stumbles and falls, because it makes the person very unsure of their footing, even on what is in reality a level floor.