I am very sad. My husband has come out of hospital where he seemed settled but here at home he does not seem to be readjusting. He is spending ages on the loo, keeps leaning to the left on the settee, slumped over and it seems to hurt when I try to straighten him up, he winces terribly when he goes to lie down and again when I help him up. He seems to have developed sleep apnea lying propped up on his back, keeping me awake in fright, but then after a loo visit in the night slumped onto his side in bed and slept. He had managed to get back onto the pillow when I went into him (I ended up in the spare room but worried about leaving him alone in case he got up or stopped breathing). I give him paracetamol and the 111 doctor suggested codeine but I don't think that's a good idea just now. Loo visit this morning was 1.5 hours for a wee, and 40 minutes just. He won't go to bed for the temporary carers we have post hospital but just about manages the stairs with me. He wants to get up before they come in the morning but I did manage to wash him over yesterday and they sat with him whilst I had a shower. He is still happy with others but this is beyond hard as I am alone with him most of the time. I know it takes a while to readjust, he came out Wednesday after nearly two weeks, but I think the seizure has just tipped him over. I am literally unable to do anything other than care for him. So sad, so scared, he doesn't deserve this.
don't think I can carry on
- Thread starter irismary
- Start date
Iris Mary
I am not sufficiently experienced in these things to give any advice or make any suggestions. But someone will be along soon who will help you, I know.
What I can do is send a great big hug winging its way to you with much love. I will be thinking of you.
X
I am not sufficiently experienced in these things to give any advice or make any suggestions. But someone will be along soon who will help you, I know.
What I can do is send a great big hug winging its way to you with much love. I will be thinking of you.
X
So sorry to read that settling back at home is not going so well. Don't know if this will help but I have worked out that there are 3 reasons for my mum to lean to one side, 1. constipation, 2. over medicated and 3. it is her dementia. Most of the time it is either 1 or 2.
Have you thought about moving into your guest room permanently? You could always get a baby monitor, I have one but end up turning it off most of the time, mum's snoring wakes me up.
Have you thought about moving into your guest room permanently? You could always get a baby monitor, I have one but end up turning it off most of the time, mum's snoring wakes me up.
Thank you. I have just discovered large bruise on his bottom which is clearly not helping. No idea where its come from - don't think he has done anything at home - looks like he either fallen or sat down heavily on a corner of something very hard by accident. I suppose if the bruise is coming out its on the mend.
Irismary, it might be worth talking to the doctors about what's expected. Certainly, taking that long for the loo doesn't sound right, or very comfortable for your husband either. If this is how things are going to be from now on, then you are probably going to need more help.
Sounds just awful for you and your poor husband irismary. I also found that my husband leans over if he has a UTI. I guess it might have been checked in the hospital but do you know if he has prostate problems. He could be finding it difficult to pass urine, and this can cause UTI's because the bladder isn't emptying properly. If he starts retaining urine badly then this can quickly turn into a serious situation, and he would be in a lot of pain. If this happens then don't hesitate to call 111, NHS Direct. I do hope there is something which can help soon, as it sounds like this isn't a situation you can manage on your own.
Hi IrishMary:
So sorry you & your husband are having such a tough time. You are so right, he doesn't deserve this, nobody does including you. It sounds like you are not sleeping much. Are you eating? Please do not let yourself get so run down. If you get sick you will not be able to take care of your husband or yourself. You sound like you are at the end of your rope. Please get some help for yourself (with housework) and for your husband. We want to do it all and it's always hard to ask for help. This illness is difficult to say the least, nobody volunteers their help unless you demand it from them. I don't mean family members, I mean specialists. You're in charge now girl, take the lead. I may sound bitter and maybe I am My husband didn't deserve his, your husband didn't deserve this, you don't deserve this, I don't deserve this. Take all the help you can get.
Please don't let yourself get so run down. The squeaky wheel always gets the grease.
Hope things get better. All the best.
I posted about bruises on my husband's bottom some weeks ago. Each was a couple of inches across. Nitram suggested they could have been caused by a recent prostate exam which I think was possible but I also noticed that he sat heavily at the bottom of our stairs each day to put his shoes on and I think he has been hitting the riser with that part of his bottom.
There is usually an explanation but you are worn out just now so looking for an explanation now is probably more than you need.
Thinking of you.
There is usually an explanation but you are worn out just now so looking for an explanation now is probably more than you need.
Thinking of you.
I feel so upset for you irismary .
When it comes to this stage , no one knows what to do for the best, you are both suffering and the isolation makes it even worse .
He should not be in such discomfort, should not be wincing in pain, you should not be in such despair.
Please phone the National Dementia Helpline and see if they can advise anything which may ease your worries.
You are so deeply involved in your situation and so exhausted, it may need someone with knowledge of dementia and a more objective perspective to see a way forward.
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/faq.php?faq=resources#faq_resources_helpline
You can contact our helpline by calling 0300 222 1122 or by email at helpline@alzheimers.org.uk.
Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm
When it comes to this stage , no one knows what to do for the best, you are both suffering and the isolation makes it even worse .
He should not be in such discomfort, should not be wincing in pain, you should not be in such despair.
Please phone the National Dementia Helpline and see if they can advise anything which may ease your worries.
You are so deeply involved in your situation and so exhausted, it may need someone with knowledge of dementia and a more objective perspective to see a way forward.
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/faq.php?faq=resources#faq_resources_helpline
You can contact our helpline by calling 0300 222 1122 or by email at helpline@alzheimers.org.uk.
Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm
Flyboy Halton
So sorry to hear you are at your wits end,I send love & hugs.Please get help,Age Uk have home helps etc.
So sorry to hear you are at your wits end,I send love & hugs.Please get help,Age Uk have home helps etc.
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update
After a terrible few days and nights my husbands son got the spare bed downstairs for me as both my husband and me were stressed about him climbing the stairs - he can but its a real issue when he is tired and he is confused if the carers try to help. Its a double so I will stay with him for now till he is used to it and if he settles perhaps get a small double and I have ordered an alarm mat so longer term I can sleep upstairs - the mat will be useful if I have to go upstairs for any length of time as I can put it in the hall. Social worker is coming in the morning to discuss options and district nurse on the afternoon for his pressure sore. The house looks like we have been burgled but that can be sorted. The situation as a whole is far from sorted but the stress is less and we will both benefit from that. Its his birthday today and he has enjoyed playing with his cards. I haven't been out so he has a recycled one off me. I haven't been to see mom in her care home yet but I am assured she is ok. Thank you lovely TPers for listening to me through what has been the hardest few weeks I have ever had.
After a terrible few days and nights my husbands son got the spare bed downstairs for me as both my husband and me were stressed about him climbing the stairs - he can but its a real issue when he is tired and he is confused if the carers try to help. Its a double so I will stay with him for now till he is used to it and if he settles perhaps get a small double and I have ordered an alarm mat so longer term I can sleep upstairs - the mat will be useful if I have to go upstairs for any length of time as I can put it in the hall. Social worker is coming in the morning to discuss options and district nurse on the afternoon for his pressure sore. The house looks like we have been burgled but that can be sorted. The situation as a whole is far from sorted but the stress is less and we will both benefit from that. Its his birthday today and he has enjoyed playing with his cards. I haven't been out so he has a recycled one off me. I haven't been to see mom in her care home yet but I am assured she is ok. Thank you lovely TPers for listening to me through what has been the hardest few weeks I have ever had.
I know there's still lots to do and organise but I am glad that some of the stress has been alleviated a little by moving the spare bed downstairs.
I do understand your worries about the stairs, my husband struggles with them most days and I wouldn't be at all surprised if he had to start sleeping downstairs before the year is out.
It is also promising that a social worker will be coming to discuss options and I really hope that meeting leaves you feeling more listened to and supported than you have been until now.
Happy birthday to your husband too
I do understand your worries about the stairs, my husband struggles with them most days and I wouldn't be at all surprised if he had to start sleeping downstairs before the year is out.
It is also promising that a social worker will be coming to discuss options and I really hope that meeting leaves you feeling more listened to and supported than you have been until now.
Happy birthday to your husband too
