Following my husband having a seizure on Friday they wanted to send him home Saturday even though he was very unsteady on his feet. So I said no till he can manage stairs. They tried again Sunday even though it had taken two of them to get him up stairs and I am on my own with him, so I said I would need a bit of support for a few days to get him settled back home. They move him to the dementia ward/discharge ward. He is still there, they have been and assessed the house as I had requested an assessment via the local authority in February but despite me saying I was concerned about his lack of bowel movements as he is very regular normally they didn't start giving him a laxative till Tuesday so he hasn't been since Sunday evening so he must be so uncomfortable. I had a strop with them.yesterday over it - why don't they listen to us? So after picking up a bit he is now unsteady again. I said he seemed poorly but they weren't happy with me saying that as they had rushed in and he isn't medically poorly. What a nightmare. Then as he was sleepy I came away a bit earlier than normal and someone bumped the back of my car so got that to sort now as well - wish I had stayed a bit longer.
just so fed up and tired
- Thread starter irismary
- Start date
Oh, Irismary, what an awful time you are having, my heart really goes out to you.
It's an absolute nightmare when our loved ones are in hospital and we end up feeling like we are banging our heads against a brick wall for all the lack of attention they seem to pay us and our concerns at times.
You are quite right to put your foot down to make sure you have the support in place before your husband is discharged and you were quite right to push them on the constipation issue and to point out that he seems poorly - but the constant battle is very wearing on us as carers.
It must have felt like the final straw to have the prang with the car as you were leaving the hospital. Just stress upon stress for you. I have days too when I wish I could just turn back the clock an hour or so to do things a little differently.
I have no answer to your predicament but just wanted to let you know that I understand and am hoping for better things to come your way soon.
It's an absolute nightmare when our loved ones are in hospital and we end up feeling like we are banging our heads against a brick wall for all the lack of attention they seem to pay us and our concerns at times.
You are quite right to put your foot down to make sure you have the support in place before your husband is discharged and you were quite right to push them on the constipation issue and to point out that he seems poorly - but the constant battle is very wearing on us as carers.
It must have felt like the final straw to have the prang with the car as you were leaving the hospital. Just stress upon stress for you. I have days too when I wish I could just turn back the clock an hour or so to do things a little differently.
I have no answer to your predicament but just wanted to let you know that I understand and am hoping for better things to come your way soon.
I know some of that from C's stay at hospital 4 years ago Irismary, though the car dent must have been too much on top.
Your husband is lucky to have you fighting his corner.
Your husband is lucky to have you fighting his corner.
Thank you. There isn't much damage and he is insured. My insurance company have been good, its just the inconvenience of it all. To be honest I sobbed last night and didn't sleep too well but it seems to have got it out of my system a bit so popping to see husband now, then mom this afternoon to take her washing, then back to hospital later to have tea together. Hoping then that he has had a bm (hope the local sewerage works are on standby) then we will both feel better. It helps so much to come on tp and just put it all down and i have had offers of lifts, shopping etc from friends which is lovely, and just after the accident a friend I haven't seen for years just had to be passing and stopped to help me.
Your post is wonderful, expressing all the pain and frustration that overwhelms many of us caring for a person with dementia. Although there is no practical advice I can offer to make your situation better I hope you feel some comfort knowing there are many out there who feel and understand. Your post has helped me. Thank you and take care.
Thank you all. He is still in but much more himself - singing along to the national anthem as the queen was at Ascot on the tv, laughing at/with the nurses, walking better and someone bathed his eyes as he was rubbing them badly and they seem much better. Toilet frames delivered, rails being fitted Monday then just need the temp care package so fingers crossed. Nurse commented in his notes about me being stressed but whatever! My only concern is him and if they communicated better I wouldn't be so stressed. He feels better so I feel better.
They dont listen because of money....these hospitals and facilities are stretched to the max. if possible they want to push people out and back to the carers as the hospitals do not have capacity. Those are the facts. Good luck it is a hard but you just have to be persistant. Good luck and take of yourself in this difficult time.
Last edited:
It just sounds a nightmare
I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is for you but do know how disheartening and undermining it feels when you are not heard even tho' you are keeping the show on the road. Good luck with all of it and take care
We just got told that my husband has scored nil for mobility on PIP even tho' he has only left the house on four occasions since beginning of March (hospital appts) and can't do more than twenty yards. He has vasc dementia with prominent frontal lobe signs and the various anti stroke agents have caused major arthritic and mobility probs. He told the assessor that he was able to cycle to nearest big town to buy food. He hasn't ever done that even when he was fit in his younger days. He would be unable to do that both because of physical side effects and because he couldn't do the shopping. Hasn't done that for about three years. She preferred his evidence to mine.
I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is for you but do know how disheartening and undermining it feels when you are not heard even tho' you are keeping the show on the road. Good luck with all of it and take care
