Care home - mums been in a week now

[saskia]

hi all

mums been in the home a week now and after the weekend visits, when she seemed settled & loved it -we thought 'brill, we have nailed this'

alas - last visit mon eve, she hates it, doesn't get fed - even though I arrived & one of the carers told me she had polioshed off a huge piece of lasagne....

& ive called them today -she didn't go to bed at all last night as was up 'cleaning' the lounge & dining areas & couldn't settle.

but, I'm just not as stressed as I thought I would be?

I know its going to take weeks for her to settle, some visits will be awful, some won't.
the fact that the home is lovely, the staff (so far) seem great and I wish I could have her food choices .!

She is taking her meds, she is being fed & I know being looked after -today she is seeing a Chirpodist & Friday -hair cut!

So I will visit tonight have to check her room out as it amazes me the things that have turned up in mums room not belonging to mum! - not sure if she is collecting things or if the staff put them in any old room .

As a family, we have done the right thing - i think ......time will tell.

sas
x

 

[Oh Knickers]

Hi Saskia,

And breeeeathe. All will be well. Just give mum a chance to settle in.

Anything new, with or without dementia, takes time to adjust to. You have done absolutely the best thing and checked with the staff. It may more a case of leaving longer gaps between your visits initially to allow mum to settle. I am sure you want the reassurance that mum is OK. Your own assessment of the palce - that you are happy with it - trust your judgement.

You have done absolutely the best. Well done!

 

[Dunkers58]

hi all

mums been in the home a week now and after the weekend visits, when she seemed settled & loved it -we thought 'brill, we have nailed this'

alas - last visit mon eve, she hates it, doesn't get fed - even though I arrived & one of the carers told me she had polioshed off a huge piece of lasagne....

& ive called them today -she didn't go to bed at all last night as was up 'cleaning' the lounge & dining areas & couldn't settle.

but, I'm just not as stressed as I thought I would be?

I know its going to take weeks for her to settle, some visits will be awful, some won't.
the fact that the home is lovely, the staff (so far) seem great and I wish I could have her food choices .!

She is taking her meds, she is being fed & I know being looked after -today she is seeing a Chirpodist & Friday -hair cut!

So I will visit tonight have to check her room out as it amazes me the things that have turned up in mums room not belonging to mum! - not sure if she is collecting things or if the staff put them in any old room .

As a family, we have done the right thing - i think ......time will tell.

sas
x

Hello Saskia

I am ina similar position, my mum moved into a care home 3 weeks ago. When i visit she says she hates living there, however she was not happy at home, very frightened at night and with long periods on her own. I lived 25 mil away so visited twice a week, she continually kept pressing her alarm as she was scared. She ofcourse does not remember this, i hope somewhere deep down she realises she is better off. I had carer breakdown trying to manage it. Like the person with dementia I am sure it takes a while for the family to settle into a different routine.
I know I have done the best thing for all of us.....but I know doesn't stop that old guilt monster.!
Good luck

 

[Princess t]

My mom moved into care in Feb. We have good and bad visits. There are three of us and most weeks we just take it in turns to see her. The carers say she loves it and gets on with them and the residents. She is safe.happy.looked after 24/7 .its a place mom never wanted to be but it got to the stage she had to.

 

[irismary]

I have this to come as I am taking my mom on Friday. When we visited she was chatting to the staff then giving me a bit of a glare, I suppose she wants me to make it better. Deep breaths and get on with the prep - if only my oh who also has Alzheimer's would leave me to get on.

 

[Linbrusco]

My Mum has been in her care home a year next month. The first month was definitely the hardest. Mum would ask how much longer she'd be there and we would say she was there for her health, and the nurses were taking. care of her for a while. Much confusion when you had to go, so sometimes we would have to outright lie " Im just going to the loo, I'm just going to move my car" or have to get a carer to distract her. I never say Goodbye , I say I will see you soon.
Now a year later, she still makes comments about doing her groceries and shes not staying there long
Some residents have come and gone, moved to nursing care or other care homes closer to family. and with it comes new residents, so that always takes Mum getting used to.
Some being magpies

We've had a few ups and downs recently due to dreaded UTI's but all in all Mum is doing way better than when at home, more importantly the 24/7 nursing care as Mums needs have progressed.

 

[Amy in the US]

Saskia, hang in there!

You are right: you never know how a visit will go. I try to stay open minded, every time I walk in the door of the care home, that it could be okay. It is often okay, or mostly okay.

When it's not okay, I leave, and it doesn't matter if I've been there an hour or a minute, I just leave.

It's very smart of you to call the care home and talk to the staff. It's a good way to get information, and to get to know them and build relationships.

Time of day can be a factor for visits for some people. My mother sundowns fairly badly, and can start in the early afternoon. She is also not a morning person, so we usually visit in the 10-1 range, or right before or after lunch. This often means only visiting on weekends, but it's better than visiting at a time when we know she won't be happy to see us, or be confused, or be tired. You might ask the staff, or experiment and see what works best for you.

Hang on to the good thoughts: she is safe, she is well looked after, she is getting her proper medications on time, she is fed, she can get her hair done!

Best wishes, and please keep us updated.

 

[Shedrech]

hi saskia
you say you're not as stressed as you thought you would be = GOOD
I guess that means that you are pretty much at peace with this move for your mum
I have to say that I felt exactly the same way - I haven't felt heaps of guilt because moving dad into his care home just had to happen, he couldn't stay in his house and I couldn't move in with him - he has had his ups and downs but not once have I doubted that the move was the best of any other other possibilities
I hope your mum settles - and I hope you too benefit from the peace of mind of knowing she is well looked after all day every day
best wishes

 

[Scouts girl]

Hi Saskia

Yes of course you have done the right thing. Do 'hang in' there. I too am hoping that my mum will eventually settle more in her care home. She has been there nearly 6 months now and still pleads with me on most days to take her home as she says she hates it where she is. Her dementia is progressing quickly and although I don't think I will ever get over the guilt and distress of having to make the decision to move her into a care home I feel that I just have to come to terms with it all. I was sole carer to my mum but I was reaching carers breakdown and my family said that I had to think of my own health and get mum the help she now needed 24/7 which I was unable to give her.

She, too was frightened at home especially at night and was not a very sociable person outside the family so became very dependant on me for all her needs. Of course, she does not remember how the situation became when she was living in her own home and has always insisted that she was fine.

The care home where she is now is lovely, it isn't 5 star luxury but is very homely and I cannot fault the care she is receiving. She is SAFE, clean, and well fed and has a lovely room with lots of photographs of the family, her favourite pictures on the wall and little nik naks from home. I have also made her a memory book which we sit together and enjoy. I take each day as it comes and visit her most days. Some days are better than others but just have to relish the good ones while I can.

Keep your memories alive and remember all the happy times you had and although it is so hard that deep down you know you have done the right thing. Love and hugs xxxx