updat and need some advice please!

[Mammamu]

Hi All,

So life has been ticking a long,busy trying to get back in to work life.
Kids happy, FIL finally happy and content in his new "hotel". Medication is under control,he has had an eye test and new glasses, eating & sleeping well.
MIL agreed to have a "helper" to take her to visit FIL twice a week. All ticking along fine....

Until Friday: I called the "helpers" office to ask how things where going as I had not had any updates for a few weeks. She was out on visit but called me back. ( it turns out she had gone to the CH for a visit without asking or telling us?)
We had a long chat and we agreed that it would help if the visits had more structure, as at times MIL had been upset that FIL seemed uninterested. (She still struggles to understand HOW ill he is. She thinks she helps him in making him count 1-10, say the days of the week. e.g. He get upset and ignore her, she then get upset and he don't understand WHY she is crying! This is all happening with her "helper" present).

As I ended the call I had a message from the CH to call them.
Unfortunately I did not manage to get the manager before end of Friday... so we went along to see FIL as planed on Sunday and it was a very uncomfortable visit!

Now the CH is telling me a totally different story....
They feel that WE have made a complaint about them?!
I'm speechless...
I did my best to try to explain to them that it has been a mistake made, we have NO complaints at all!

First thing Monday morning I called the CH and spoke to the manager. She was very understanding,And as surprised & chocked as I was to learn that we had made a complaint?! We had a chat and I apologize if we had upset her or any members of staff.

I contacted the "helpers" office and asked them to cancel any further visits as we feel that they are not helping us or understanding MIL needs....

After talking to MIL she is telling me she did not like it that they where coming to the care home and going to FIL room? She also told me that she had been recommending other Care homes closer to MIL...
I got SO angry,upset and the guilt monster came back.....

We had agreed that they take MIL to FIL twice a week. We DON'T want anyone telling us to move him closer!! And why are they going to the CH manager without our agreement? Going to FIL room? Telling MIL to move him closer?

Sorry for the long rant I needed to let it out!
Any advice PLEASE???

Other than this life is good & the garden is full of life.
Hope life is as good as it can be for you all.

MammaMu

 

[Tin]

Done the right thing cancelling the 'helpers' do not reinstate. Any chance a taxi can be booked to take mil to care home, or a driver from a volunteer group.

 

[Nightgamer]

Hi Mammamu

I'm sorry that you are experiencing this, having worked in the care industry for some time, i find the actions of the 'helpers' in excusable.

Sounds like you've done the right thing in stopping them from going to the CH, is there another organisation that can send helpers in to replace them?
I definitely agree structured visits are a great plan, as all involved know whats happening when and where and with who, also helps the CH know who's coming and when, it also means you can put into place with the CH support a plan that no unscheduled visits can take place and if someone does turn up outside the planned times then they are to call you and notify you.

Would it be possible to arrange a time for helpers to come when MIL isnt there to see if this makes a difference to FIL overall?

Hope this helps

Nightgamer

 

[Mammamu]

All going ok

Hi Mammamu

I'm sorry that you are experiencing this, having worked in the care industry for some time, i find the actions of the 'helpers' in excusable.

Sounds like you've done the right thing in stopping them from going to the CH, is there another organisation that can send helpers in to replace them?
I definitely agree structured visits are a great plan, as all involved know whats happening when and where and with who, also helps the CH know who's coming and when, it also means you can put into place with the CH support a plan that no unscheduled visits can take place and if someone does turn up outside the planned times then they are to call you and notify you.

Would it be possible to arrange a time for helpers to come when MIL isnt there to see if this makes a difference to FIL overall?

Hope this helps

Nightgamer

Hi Nighgamer,

Thanks for your advice!

We have done 2 visits, and at the moment we are having a great time. MIL appear to be a lot happier, calmer and more positive.

Today we played dominoes,looked and old pictures and enjoyed some coffee together.
Next visit is planned for Thursday, as I have to take MIL to the eye hospital on Friday.

A very busy week, my worries are how will I cope when the kids are off school?!
But I guess we have to cross that bridge when we get there.....

Hope you all have a good week and manage to get some fun in the sun.
Mammamu