Partners dad diagnosed- partner not coping

[Wantstohelp]

My husbands father got diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's a little over two years ago. He hasn't dealt with it well. Between drinking and other things, I think he is self medicating. When I try to bring it up, he tells me I'm crazy and if I press the issue he focuses on the fact that I'm essentially calling him a liar. He feels ganged up on..etc and blames everything on his dad's illness and how it is affecting him- can't sleep, exhausted.
I want to believe him and believe he is just "tired" when he looks like he's on something. I am so worried about him..I just wonder if anyone else out there has gone through it like this and if they have any suggestions.

 

[Emac]

Sounds like your husband could use some help. If he is blaming everything on his Dad's illness he must at least recognise his behaviour has changed-whatever the reason! Could you persuade him to see his GP or to talk too a counsellor about the stress he is experiencing over his Dad's illness? That could be a good first step.

I don't think this is unusual. At one point during caring for my Mum my Dad developed a gambling habit which I am sure was stress related. He told me afterwards that it was a 'distraction'- presumably from the stress and other uncomfortable emotions we allface when confronted with the pain and responsibility of havig a relative with dementia.

 

[Hill Man]

Sorry to hear your problems. I think early onset disease can be particularly hard for the loved ones - all sorts of fears emerge - "If it happened to dad will it happen to me?" "Will we cope financially or emotionally with what could be decades of care?" "What will I do with all these things that I never got to say to my dad?" I hope your husband get to understand that its OK not to feel OK about what's happened. As others have said explore what support is available

 

[Shedrech]

hi wantstohelp
and welcome to TP
might you write down your worries for your husband and send a note to his GP so the GP knows what you believe is going on, with the backgrounf info about his father - the GP may not be able to discuss anything with you, due to patient confidentiality, but has to at least note your concerns - maybe ask the GP if it is possible to invite your husband for a routine well man appointment, a regular review of any meds he is on or some suitable excuse, so your husband isn't suspicious but goes to see the GP
and, just in case, ask that the note not be mentioned to your husband
this may feel like going behind your husband's back, but it's for his well-being - and it will set your mind at rest
sadly, not everyone deals positively with the diagnosis of a parent, we're all different and react individually
I wonder whether Admiral Nurses might help
https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/admiral-nursing/
might it help your husband to discover TP and see he is not alone in finding things difficult -might you just happen to leave your laptop open on a fairly neutral thread so he could happen upon it - he might then have a mooch around
best wishes