Morning all,
Apologies for my absense - its been such a busy week!
Amy, I'm glad your weekend with OH's family wasn't hit by any major drama's - but even so, it doesn't sound entirely like a restful break. A lot of treading on eggshelss and a bit of anticipating difficulties, by the sound of it. As Slugsta says, your Mil has only herself to blame that some of her family don't visit as often as she feels they should. My Mum wailed loud and long (and to anyone who would listen) about how dreadful it was that all but one of her children chose not to have contact with her - but would never, ever see or admit that it was her own behaviour that brought about that situation. I'm glad that your OH felt better for seeing her, though, and think you are an absolute star for the way you did as much as you could to facilitate the visit and support him, especially considering the way one or two of them have treated you! And I hope that the rest of this weekend, with your family, continues to be a lovely break for you
That's a big weight loss for your Mum - no wonder you are worried. I hope that the care home are able to help you come up with something that will tempt her xxxx
Spamar, so sorry you were poorly over the bank holiday weekend - the heat probably didn't help, though I have to say that although Saturday and Sunday were warm and muggyish here, we had quite a few showers - and on Monday we had rain more or less all day! I really hope you enjoy your singalong
Slugsta, whats happening with the kitchen cupboards? Under the circumstances, the fitter should have been there immediately and put things right - having all the cupboards fall off the walls isn't exactly a 'minor' issue, is it! I feel for you with your Mum and the difficulty about answering her when her questions are based in a reality you have no hope of understanding or knowing about - as you know, that sort of thing was (and still is, alot of the time) a big problem with Mil. I may have got better at answering off the cuff as time has gone on, but even so, I still get caught out on a regualr basis I hope the meds can be changed to liquid without too much fuss, and that the 'twiddle cushion' helps ease the restlessness for her xxx
JM, hope the half term has brought you some respite from the teen tantrums. We've had a couple from dau, here, but it could have been worse. Between revision and the life-guard training she has been doing all week, she has been exhausted - her assessment for the life-guard qualification is this morning, I have everything crossed that she will pass with flying colours!
Been a busy week. Monday, being as the rain meant neither zoo nor run to the beach were possible, I spent on housework and shopping. I then spent two full days more or less chained to my work laptop and trying frantically to catch up with all my admin. I actually did loads, but am I caught up? Am I heck! On Tuesday I worked from 7.30 a.m. till 8.30 pm, on Wednesday from 7 till 3pm - at which point I decided to call a halt! I can only do so much, and I was exhausted.
Thursday, oldest dau was supposed to arrive for a 4 day visit, but on Wednesday night she called to say she wouldn't be coming. Her partners Grandad was in hospital, and things were not looking good - some sort of infection in his leg, and after 2 weeks in hospital, he was getting worse, not better, poor thing. Her OH is very close to his Grandad, and wouldn't leave (understandably) and dau felt she should stay close by - just in case. I was disappointed, but in her shoes, I would have done exactly the same thing, she needed to be there for him. Its culminated in the Grandad having surgery to amputate the leg yesterday morning. He has come through the surgery OK, so far - but he is elderly and the infection had really knocked him for six, so he isn't out of the woods yet. All we can do is hope, I guess.
So Thursday and yesterday, I mostly spent doing more editing on the wedding photographs for my sister (I know - it was several weeks ago, but I took over 3000 pictures!) and I also visited Mil, taking with me the shoes ordered from Clarkes, that arrived Thursday afternoon.
It was a visit that really rated highly on the 'Bizarre scale' - it was so very odd When I arrived, initially I got the off-hand and luke-warm 'hello' that I'm pretty used to. But seconds after that, its as though she looked properly at me, and I don't know who the 'Alison' is that she called me and evidently thought I was, but I got a very effusive greeting, with her grabbing my hand and getting tearful, because she was 'so glad' to see me. A minute or so later, she began to use my actual name - unusual these days, unless OH is around - but that is where it started to get a bit strange - and if I am honest, pretty uncomfortable
She started asking me to 'Hold me, just please hold me' - we are big ones for cuddles and hugs in our family, so that was fine - I scooted closer and gave her a big hug. But she held on with a grip like grim death and started repeating over and over 'Oh, I do love you, I love you so much, I've always loved you', and repeatedly planting kisses over every bit of me she could reach. I gently eased back - it was actually a bit over-whelming (no , scratch that - it was a lot overwhelming - she was like a flipping woodpecker, kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss, all over my face, hands, arms - even my neck and shoulders!) but she kept hold of my hand, and inbetween plea's to 'hold me, just please hold me' and declarations of how much she loved me, she kept lifting my hand to her face and kissing it, and up my arm, trying to pull me closer all the time. Then she let go of my hand and annouced she wanted to get up to go and get washed and dressed - she was washed and dressed, btw - and then tears because she couldn't get up. And that was really the theme of the whole visit. Begging me to hold her, kissing me repeatedly and trying to pull me close, repeated and fervent 'I love you's', very emotional, and that was interpersed with her suddenly wanting to 'go upstairs' to get washed and dressed - a male visitor walked passed and she even called out to him to 'Help me up, Mister - I want to get dressed' - then back to the kisses and the 'I love you so much'. I tried and tried to distract, but over and over she went back to the overly affectionate behaviour and having to go and get dressed loop.
After about 35 minutes, she suddenly added the fact that she was so glad that I had married her and was I glad too?. Talk about a conversation stopper How on earth do you respond to something like that? It did occur to me, fleetingly, that perhaps she meant she was glad I'd married her son - but he hadn't been mentioned at all, and to be honest - that wasn't the way it came across, given how she had been behaving with me. I mumbled something about loving her too, then started to make moves to leave - she wasn't dreadfully upset, no tears or big agitation, but she kept trying to get up to go with me, because she said 'Its time I went too'. A couple of staff came over and tried to distract, and Mil went back into the 'I do love you' loop with me - the staff responded with an 'Awwwww' at first, but then as Mil carried on, so insistant, even they looked a bit taken aback. I made some sort of jokey comment, and got away - but then I made a point of seeking out the nurse that was on duty and asking could they perhaps do a urine test, as the only thing I can think of is that Mil is perhaps starting with another UTI, and maybe that would explain the way she was acting with me? Whatever the reason, I hope I don't encounter that sort of reaction again. I thought I was pretty much prepared for any sort of behaviour, given Mil's track record - but that was just - well - bizarre beyond belief
Today, Dau has her Life Guard assessment, so I have to drive her to that, and pick her up afterwards. I haven't touched the house since Monday, so that's next on the list - followed by (I hope) a few hours getting stuck into the family tree research. I've put in the odd hour in the evenings, over this last week, and its becoming an all-consuming addiction, lol. I've managed to take 2 or 3 branches of the family back to the late 1700's - but there are some gaps - and some family mysteries and stories that have come to light, that I am itching to try and solve. My Grandad (mum's dad) according to family lore, 'abandoned his family' and disappeared in the 1940's - and I cannot find anything to give me a clue about where he ended up, or when he died, so that's one mystery. Then there is 'Uncle Jack' - who I knew was very much the black sheep of the family - and his tangled love life and family life! I've turned up his first wife and two sons (who I didn't know existed) , found out the full name of the lady I knew as 'Aunty Pat' (who was actually Jack's daughter from another relationship, but brought up by my Gran) - but can't track down the Aunty Lily and the two female cousins who I thought were his wife and children - I remember actually visiting them, but can find no official records. And there's the mystery of how he lost one of his eyes - two different family anecdotes, but which one is correct? And a newly emerged tale of him going AWOL from the army when he was stationed in Malta during the war. Jack was most definitely a character! Its all very engrossing - and frustrating! So many relatives christened one name, but known by another, causing issues with finding them on the different census' - and mistakes in the transcriptions from the original hand-written records to the typed versions available on-line. I spent ages looking for my Great, great Aunt 'Hoance' (very odd, but I've found several 'odd' names, so accepted it) - she turned out to actually be 'Florence'. Found strong links to Scotland, a hint of possible Jewish ancestors and have been trying to find out which great x 3 (or is it 4?) aunt or uncle was actually the parent of the children listed as living with their grandmother on the 1901 census - its all so fascinating. And I've also started on OH's side of the family - which is extremely hard going, because if I thought the UK records were bad, they are nothing by comparison to the Irish records . . .
Right - better get moving. Hope you all have a nice and peaceful weekend, much love to all xxxxx
Apologies for my absense - its been such a busy week!
Amy, I'm glad your weekend with OH's family wasn't hit by any major drama's - but even so, it doesn't sound entirely like a restful break. A lot of treading on eggshelss and a bit of anticipating difficulties, by the sound of it. As Slugsta says, your Mil has only herself to blame that some of her family don't visit as often as she feels they should. My Mum wailed loud and long (and to anyone who would listen) about how dreadful it was that all but one of her children chose not to have contact with her - but would never, ever see or admit that it was her own behaviour that brought about that situation. I'm glad that your OH felt better for seeing her, though, and think you are an absolute star for the way you did as much as you could to facilitate the visit and support him, especially considering the way one or two of them have treated you! And I hope that the rest of this weekend, with your family, continues to be a lovely break for you
That's a big weight loss for your Mum - no wonder you are worried. I hope that the care home are able to help you come up with something that will tempt her xxxxSpamar, so sorry you were poorly over the bank holiday weekend - the heat probably didn't help, though I have to say that although Saturday and Sunday were warm and muggyish here, we had quite a few showers - and on Monday we had rain more or less all day! I really hope you enjoy your singalong
Slugsta, whats happening with the kitchen cupboards? Under the circumstances, the fitter should have been there immediately and put things right - having all the cupboards fall off the walls isn't exactly a 'minor' issue, is it! I feel for you with your Mum and the difficulty about answering her when her questions are based in a reality you have no hope of understanding or knowing about - as you know, that sort of thing was (and still is, alot of the time) a big problem with Mil. I may have got better at answering off the cuff as time has gone on, but even so, I still get caught out on a regualr basis
I hope the meds can be changed to liquid without too much fuss, and that the 'twiddle cushion' helps ease the restlessness for her xxxJM, hope the half term has brought you some respite from the teen tantrums. We've had a couple from dau, here, but it could have been worse. Between revision and the life-guard training she has been doing all week, she has been exhausted - her assessment for the life-guard qualification is this morning, I have everything crossed that she will pass with flying colours!
Been a busy week. Monday, being as the rain meant neither zoo nor run to the beach were possible, I spent on housework and shopping. I then spent two full days more or less chained to my work laptop and trying frantically to catch up with all my admin. I actually did loads, but am I caught up? Am I heck! On Tuesday I worked from 7.30 a.m. till 8.30 pm, on Wednesday from 7 till 3pm - at which point I decided to call a halt! I can only do so much, and I was exhausted.
Thursday, oldest dau was supposed to arrive for a 4 day visit, but on Wednesday night she called to say she wouldn't be coming. Her partners Grandad was in hospital, and things were not looking good - some sort of infection in his leg, and after 2 weeks in hospital, he was getting worse, not better, poor thing. Her OH is very close to his Grandad, and wouldn't leave (understandably) and dau felt she should stay close by - just in case. I was disappointed, but in her shoes, I would have done exactly the same thing, she needed to be there for him. Its culminated in the Grandad having surgery to amputate the leg yesterday morning. He has come through the surgery OK, so far - but he is elderly and the infection had really knocked him for six, so he isn't out of the woods yet. All we can do is hope, I guess.
So Thursday and yesterday, I mostly spent doing more editing on the wedding photographs for my sister (I know - it was several weeks ago, but I took over 3000 pictures!) and I also visited Mil, taking with me the shoes ordered from Clarkes, that arrived Thursday afternoon.
It was a visit that really rated highly on the 'Bizarre scale' - it was so very odd
When I arrived, initially I got the off-hand and luke-warm 'hello' that I'm pretty used to. But seconds after that, its as though she looked properly at me, and I don't know who the 'Alison' is that she called me and evidently thought I was, but I got a very effusive greeting, with her grabbing my hand and getting tearful, because she was 'so glad' to see me. A minute or so later, she began to use my actual name - unusual these days, unless OH is around - but that is where it started to get a bit strange - and if I am honest, pretty uncomfortable She started asking me to 'Hold me, just please hold me' - we are big ones for cuddles and hugs in our family, so that was fine - I scooted closer and gave her a big hug. But she held on with a grip like grim death and started repeating over and over 'Oh, I do love you, I love you so much, I've always loved you', and repeatedly planting kisses over every bit of me she could reach. I gently eased back - it was actually a bit over-whelming (no , scratch that - it was a lot overwhelming - she was like a flipping woodpecker, kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss, all over my face, hands, arms - even my neck and shoulders!) but she kept hold of my hand, and inbetween plea's to 'hold me, just please hold me' and declarations of how much she loved me, she kept lifting my hand to her face and kissing it, and up my arm, trying to pull me closer all the time. Then she let go of my hand and annouced she wanted to get up to go and get washed and dressed - she was washed and dressed, btw - and then tears because she couldn't get up. And that was really the theme of the whole visit. Begging me to hold her, kissing me repeatedly and trying to pull me close, repeated and fervent 'I love you's', very emotional, and that was interpersed with her suddenly wanting to 'go upstairs' to get washed and dressed - a male visitor walked passed and she even called out to him to 'Help me up, Mister - I want to get dressed' - then back to the kisses and the 'I love you so much'. I tried and tried to distract, but over and over she went back to the overly affectionate behaviour and having to go and get dressed loop.
After about 35 minutes, she suddenly added the fact that she was so glad that I had married her and was I glad too?. Talk about a conversation stopper
How on earth do you respond to something like that? It did occur to me, fleetingly, that perhaps she meant she was glad I'd married her son - but he hadn't been mentioned at all, and to be honest - that wasn't the way it came across, given how she had been behaving with me. I mumbled something about loving her too, then started to make moves to leave - she wasn't dreadfully upset, no tears or big agitation, but she kept trying to get up to go with me, because she said 'Its time I went too'. A couple of staff came over and tried to distract, and Mil went back into the 'I do love you' loop with me - the staff responded with an 'Awwwww' at first, but then as Mil carried on, so insistant, even they looked a bit taken aback. I made some sort of jokey comment, and got away - but then I made a point of seeking out the nurse that was on duty and asking could they perhaps do a urine test, as the only thing I can think of is that Mil is perhaps starting with another UTI, and maybe that would explain the way she was acting with me? Whatever the reason, I hope I don't encounter that sort of reaction again. I thought I was pretty much prepared for any sort of behaviour, given Mil's track record - but that was just - well - bizarre beyond belief Today, Dau has her Life Guard assessment, so I have to drive her to that, and pick her up afterwards. I haven't touched the house since Monday, so that's next on the list - followed by (I hope) a few hours getting stuck into the family tree research. I've put in the odd hour in the evenings, over this last week, and its becoming an all-consuming addiction, lol. I've managed to take 2 or 3 branches of the family back to the late 1700's - but there are some gaps - and some family mysteries and stories that have come to light, that I am itching to try and solve. My Grandad (mum's dad) according to family lore, 'abandoned his family' and disappeared in the 1940's - and I cannot find anything to give me a clue about where he ended up, or when he died, so that's one mystery. Then there is 'Uncle Jack' - who I knew was very much the black sheep of the family - and his tangled love life and family life! I've turned up his first wife and two sons (who I didn't know existed) , found out the full name of the lady I knew as 'Aunty Pat' (who was actually Jack's daughter from another relationship, but brought up by my Gran) - but can't track down the Aunty Lily and the two female cousins who I thought were his wife and children - I remember actually visiting them, but can find no official records. And there's the mystery of how he lost one of his eyes - two different family anecdotes, but which one is correct? And a newly emerged tale of him going AWOL from the army when he was stationed in Malta during the war. Jack was most definitely a character! Its all very engrossing - and frustrating! So many relatives christened one name, but known by another, causing issues with finding them on the different census' - and mistakes in the transcriptions from the original hand-written records to the typed versions available on-line. I spent ages looking for my Great, great Aunt 'Hoance' (very odd, but I've found several 'odd' names, so accepted it) - she turned out to actually be 'Florence'. Found strong links to Scotland, a hint of possible Jewish ancestors and have been trying to find out which great x 3 (or is it 4?) aunt or uncle was actually the parent of the children listed as living with their grandmother on the 1901 census - its all so fascinating. And I've also started on OH's side of the family - which is extremely hard going, because if I thought the UK records were bad, they are nothing by comparison to the Irish records . . .
Right - better get moving. Hope you all have a nice and peaceful weekend, much love to all xxxxx
