I'm worried about taking a respite holiday ......

[margherita]

Anny and all, the first leg of my respite is coming to an end. I had four days in Amsterdam and having managed not to get knocked down by one of the thousands of bikes plus motor bikes and trams which pursued me at every corner I am on my way home. The Van Gogh and Rijsmuseums were the highlights. I am stunned by the beauty of many of the works I saw. Food for the soul as my daughter says. The canal trip was a must to see the layout of the city.

Now for the next part of my plan.

Carers so need an occasional break. This is my first since last June.

Marionq, not only do you deserve this holiday, but you need it !
I'm dreaming of a holiday on my own, anywhere, but alone
What you are seeing and enjoying will help you when you get home

 

[Cat27]

Anny and all, the first leg of my respite is coming to an end. I had four days in Amsterdam and having managed not to get knocked down by one of the thousands of bikes plus motor bikes and trams which pursued me at every corner I am on my way home. The Van Gogh and Rijsmuseums were the highlights. I am stunned by the beauty of many of the works I saw. Food for the soul as my daughter says. The canal trip was a must to see the layout of the city.

Now for the next part of my plan.

Carers so need an occasional break. This is my first since last June.

What's next Marion?

 

[marionq]

I will visit John to make sure he is OK then I have lunches booked with friends I haven't seen since last years respite. A night at the theatre, a visit to A Play, a Pie and a Pint which does what it says so you get drama and lunch thrown in. Then dinner and a film with a grandson. All good stuff.

 

[suze]

things have moved on with a horrible speed!

I can hardly believe the speed at which J has declined. Just over a week ago he was bad enough to be taken into a specialist care home for a week to give me some sleep and get back on my feet....from there he was sectioned and is now in a dementia care hospital.
I know he is in the best place as they will sort all his medications and find out why the decline was so fast....but today I visited him and he has 'gone' - called me 'my love' and said he loved me but did not know my name and was talking complete gibberish. I can see he can never come home so it is looking for care homes....and another stage of grieving.....

Oh! How awful for you Suze!!! I can just imagine how hard this must be. I can imagine all that you say being true for me - the teas, missing him. It's all so confusing but at the same time I must do something to help myself get some real rest - some deep undisturbed sleep and time to be still. Living with someone with dementia is exhausting in ways only those of us who do can know. It's not just the work, the physical work, but the constant demands, and sometimes crazy times.

It's not good to hear your husband has become aggressive to care home staff - I think mine could, he does, but only when he's feeling under pressure to do something he's not able to, not ready to - maybe they are not facilitating him enough?
I really hope he does settle and you get some peace in your very short respite time.
Take care.
Thanks for your reply and your thoughts.

He is aggressive at night because I think he wonders who these people are coming into his room. Nights are always the worst and the reason I am - reluctantly - thinking I may have to have a permanent care home for him. It is very difficult to get him in and out of bed, as he is really rigid and sometimes does not seem to have the strength to stand up....plus his balance is so poor now that he falls easily. I am so torn...I want to have him back and try again but fear the same thing will happen again....heartbreaking[/QUOTE]

 

[Mum&me]

Research

Having done a 10 day respite I strongly recommend a google search on any home being recommended. Get an assurance in writing from the home manager that medication will not be used without your approval/ knowledge . The home I used was understaffed to my turned my mum into a zombie before I took her out.

 

[secrets]

difficult.......

I to have been caring for my partner for 5 years,and it takes such a lot out of me,and although I would love a few days away,the guilt I feel is overwhelming with the thought.
And I do wonder if I did go away whether I would be worried all the time.
it is a two edged sword.
He has been a wonderful partner and has done so much for me,and now I feel its my turn to step up.

 

[marionq]

This is a DDay party at Johns respite home. Swing band, drinks trolley and a good sing song.

 

[marionq]

Give respite a try for both your sakes.