How many of us are caring for a PWD over 90?
- Thread starter doodle1
- Start date
Doodle, my mother just turned 75, and I definitely hope she will go quickly and quietly in her sleep, so, no, I don't think there is anything wrong with how you feel. In fact, I think it's a pretty usual reaction.
Given that the dementia will kill my mother unless something else does first, I am definitely on your team with the something else!
I do know there are carers here on TP whose PWDs (persons with dementia) are in their 90s, and expect you will hear from some of them before too long.
Best wishes.
Given that the dementia will kill my mother unless something else does first, I am definitely on your team with the something else!
I do know there are carers here on TP whose PWDs (persons with dementia) are in their 90s, and expect you will hear from some of them before too long.
Best wishes.
My constant daily prayer for the past 3 years, since my mother got to the really bad state she is now in, has been 'anything quick with no suffering'. However it seems that is rarely the case.
Mum is 92. She is existing, not living. This has gone on for so many years - at least 15. I wish she could go to sleep peacefully...
Hi doodle. My mum was 91 at the beginning of May. I wonder if she'll reach 92 (but next May I'll probably be wondering if she'll reach 93!!). Mum has Vascular Dementia. I'm not totally clear from the medics what happened to her, but she slipped into what I would say is 'advanced dementia' very quickly. They did confirm that she has cerebral small vessel disease and also said she may have had a stroke that 'pushed her over' (my words, not theirs!).
I have to admit I have frequently looked up the prognosis for Vascular Dementia, but it doesn't really help. Seems to say about 6 years, but less for someone elderly. Mum bizarrely has remained 'on a plateau' for around a year now, which seems strange, considering her age. I very much suspect there will some day be another sudden event, which will advance her even further.
I'm caring for mum at home and it's been a year and eight months now. Sometimes it feels like an eternity! I hope and pray that mum's end will be peaceful, but of course have no control over that. My sensible head tells me that at 91 this can't go on for much longer, but I really do fear how many more years of my own life, at age early 50s, will be swallowed up by this dementia nightmare. Mum is in a state of oblivion and I'm one exhausted carer, it's very unjust, but there it is. What can we do?
I have to admit I have frequently looked up the prognosis for Vascular Dementia, but it doesn't really help. Seems to say about 6 years, but less for someone elderly. Mum bizarrely has remained 'on a plateau' for around a year now, which seems strange, considering her age. I very much suspect there will some day be another sudden event, which will advance her even further.
I'm caring for mum at home and it's been a year and eight months now. Sometimes it feels like an eternity! I hope and pray that mum's end will be peaceful, but of course have no control over that. My sensible head tells me that at 91 this can't go on for much longer, but I really do fear how many more years of my own life, at age early 50s, will be swallowed up by this dementia nightmare. Mum is in a state of oblivion and I'm one exhausted carer, it's very unjust, but there it is. What can we do?
I used to think my mother wouldn't make it to 81 and yet here she is having reached 89! Despite being told 5 years ago in the hospoital, it was extremely unlikely that she's be alive in 5 years!
Then 2 years ago the Home reassured me she wouldn't last twelve months.
My mother also has small vessel disease Vascular dementia and supposedly they have a shorter life expectancy. Yet my mother has over the past 2 years has plateaued at stage 7d and now had so many ASCs and seizures, each of which are cause for concern but each one 'fails' to deliver the blessing of release.
Yes - Dad has just turned 91 with Vasc Dem. I've had days when he has been really bad, mostly with infections, sepsis, stroke, surgery when I have felt just as you do. They he picks up a bit and I think I should't have written him off. It is the ups and downs that are hard to deal with, the constant bouncing back from the nearly dead- roller coaster. Best just take each day as it comes and be grateful for the up moments.
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Mum's been six months in the Care Home - she came here from hospital, having lived in her own home with support from us in a bungalow nearby for 20 years. She will be 97 in November. Last year she wasn't very well, but has now perked up with the company, care, and regular meals. She looks as if she'll make her century, just as her money begins to run out.
She is not unhappy, but she is very confused. Today was a not-so-good day after a string of good days when I was hoping the problem was solved...
As long as she's not unhappy or in pain, I can't wish her away - but I do often wonder 'what is the point'?
She is not unhappy, but she is very confused. Today was a not-so-good day after a string of good days when I was hoping the problem was solved...
As long as she's not unhappy or in pain, I can't wish her away - but I do often wonder 'what is the point'?
I completely understand what you are saying, it is so hard to watch and with no light at the end of the tunnel so much harder.
I think that's the point when one feels 'enough is enough'. When there simply are no 'up moments' or have been any for a couple of years.
I even recently purposely went in to visit my mother as usually, for a brief period after an 'event' and the recovery period, my mother actually has a brief period when she can respond visually. but by the time I got there (7 mins in the car)that 'brief window' had gone.
Doodle, my father was 88 when diagnosed with Vascular Dementia. Like you, I looked on the internet to see average survival to judge how long it would go on for. I prayed he'd fall asleep and not wake up. His best friend said to me in anguished tones, 'I wish he would die.' He lasted another 18 months and on the whole they were miserable and I don't think his eventual death from pneumonia was suffering or pain-free. In the interim I was a near basket case and my own health suffered. So I totally understand where you are coming from. I can only send you sympathy, empathy and a hug.
Hi Doodle
My mum is 92. She has had some TIAs and I really am praying that a stroke will take her off before the dementia gets much worse. Then she can go with some dignity and, dare I say it, I can begin to enjoy my life again and maybe take that cruise before I, too, am too far gone to enjoy it. We can all feel guilty but really, we shouldn't!
My mum is 92. She has had some TIAs and I really am praying that a stroke will take her off before the dementia gets much worse. Then she can go with some dignity and, dare I say it, I can begin to enjoy my life again and maybe take that cruise before I, too, am too far gone to enjoy it. We can all feel guilty but really, we shouldn't!
Mum was 89 when her dementia was diagnosed - up to then, I had thought she would go on to be 100 (and see us off in the process)!
The dementia was mild but progressed quickly, in just over 12 months she has become bedbound, doubly incontinent, unable to feed herself etc She's generally content and not in pain, so who am I to say that her life has no value? Yet I do. She has now been diagnosed with cancer and secondaries, I am glad that will bring an end to things, rather than letting her go on like this for years
The dementia was mild but progressed quickly, in just over 12 months she has become bedbound, doubly incontinent, unable to feed herself etc
She's generally content and not in pain, so who am I to say that her life has no value? Yet I do. She has now been diagnosed with cancer and secondaries, I am glad that will bring an end to things, rather than letting her go on like this for years 
My mum was around 89 when she was diagnosed with vascular dementia. She had 5 years after her dementia and died 2 months before her 94th birthday. For a lot of those 5 years she was able to get out and about with us. She lived with us and we had support from carers. It was really in her last year that things began to get worse. She was constantly agitated and mostly felt unwell but didn't know what was wrong with her. She died at home with us and I must say that I was glad that she was spared any further suffering.
