In Dementia Veritas?

[LYN T]

I have to go against the general opinion here. My late Husband was the kindest, funniest person you could ever hope to meet. As his Alzheimer's progressed his lovely nature disappeared and he became violent, said cruel things and generally turned into a person whom you wouldn't want to meet!

Saying all that-I never stopped loving him.

Lyn T x

 

[canary]

Mum used to be such an empathetic person before dementia struck. She always knew if if I was having problems, however much I tried to hide it. She used to be on her church pastoral team and would joke that she should have been a priest as everyone she met used to confide all their secrets to her! She was the kindest person you could meet.

Once dementia struck she totally lost this, became completely self absorbed and said the most vile things to people, including family and a very close longstanding friend. This friend, bless her, had experience of dementia from her (deceased) husband and told me it was just the dementia talking, not mum herself. I must say that later on mum reverted back to being the cheerful, feisty lady I remembered, although she never regained her empathy.

I now find that OH is saying and doing things that are the absolute and total opposite of things he would have said and done before, I cannot believe that this is what he was always like and had successfully hidden it from me before dementia struck.

 

[Marcelle123]

Some of Mum's traits became caricatured when she got dementia - her parsimony, her hanging on to things so that the house became cluttered, her critical approach to other people's looks, her distrust of people's motives, her wanting to maintain the mother-daughter hierarchy at all costs, her love of contradicting other people.

It was often unpleasant dealing with her and I felt hurt because I could remember incidents in our past when these traits had also been present. It was like reliving old conflicts.

On the other hand, now that she's getting some medication for her dementia (memantine, citalopram) some of her good qualities are reasserting themselves. She was always polite to strangers and now she is well-mannered with the carers. And one new trait has appeared - she has become fond of animals, having spent years being indifferent to her children's dogs etc.

I am finding it easier to get on with the new Mum!

As far as this thread goes - I don't think you can generalise. I think dementia affects people in different ways. Some people get changed out of all recognition, and others get their recognisable traits accentuated.

But I do sympathise with the upset feelings that the behaviour can cause, when it does seem as if there was a seed to this nastiness in the past.

 

[Cobber]

I have learnt to be selfish too. Hubbys birthday told rest of family was going to take afternoon/evening off. When mine going away for weekend, carers and family will have to cope. Did not and will not feel guilty.

 

[Saffie]

In general, I believe it is the disease that causes the behaviour rather than the person. Various parts of the brain are gradually destroyed, those responsible for emotions as well as memory, logic etc. so obviously everything related to the brain will be affected to a degree though not necessarily in the same order for everyone.