My husband has been talking for 3 hours now bout going home and his wife will be worried - that's me. I took him on a tour of the house to show him all the things we have collected in neaerly 25 years but this time it did not work. Wanted to put his shoes on. He has put his pyjmas back on and won't get into bed nor let me get in, saying I am remarkably stupid and this can't go on....it is going to be a long night. Any tips?
wanting to get dressed at night
- Thread starter suze
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A warm drink may help, not tea or coffee, even a bowl of porridge or rice pudding. When my mum did this sometimes putting her favourite dvd on worked too.
I am not being flippant when I say this, but get yourself a duvet and curl up on your sofa or another bedroom. At some point his confusion will pass and he will get himself into bed, don't worry too much about what he is wearing.
I am not being flippant when I say this, but get yourself a duvet and curl up on your sofa or another bedroom. At some point his confusion will pass and he will get himself into bed, don't worry too much about what he is wearing.
Yes it will be a long night. Maybe a sit down with a snack and cup of something. It's a difficult time , as like my husband, he is not really wanting to go home. It is a way of saying he is unhappy and confused. It's hard for you as nothing you say seems to help him.
I have gone through this stage with my husband and nothing can prepare you for your new role. Dementia helpline is a great support at any time.
My lovely man is now in a care home and is calm . Life has changed.
All the best and hang on in there. Don't take it personally, it's the disease talking.
Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
I have gone through this stage with my husband and nothing can prepare you for your new role. Dementia helpline is a great support at any time.
My lovely man is now in a care home and is calm . Life has changed.
All the best and hang on in there. Don't take it personally, it's the disease talking.
Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
thank you
Thank you for understanding and sharing experiences. I think if J was just a bit confused some of the tips may work but he is so angry and thinking I am keeping him prisoner. I had about 2 hours sleep last night between his 4 loo trips (can barely walk at night and has to be helped out of bed)....so exhausing
Thank you for understanding and sharing experiences. I think if J was just a bit confused some of the tips may work but he is so angry and thinking I am keeping him prisoner. I had about 2 hours sleep last night between his 4 loo trips (can barely walk at night and has to be helped out of bed)....so exhausing
nothing works
I have experienced about 10 of these nights now and nothing works. Offer of a nice cup of tea etc turned down and tea thrown away if made....too angry to do anything but put his trousers back over his PJs and demand his shoes so that he can 'go home'. 5 weeks ago we were nowhere near this stage. He was diagnosed four and a half years ago and was taken off Donepizil 5 weeks ago (lowered his blood pressure too much and he got dizzy). Now he is on nothing except 0.5 resperitone.....doesn't seem to be doing anything.
i had an emergency night sit from NHS 2 nights ago but it would presumably cost a mint to pay for one? Also I still felt I had to get up twice to reassure him as he was looking for me and finally gave up at 5am, so that is a mixed blessing....
I have experienced about 10 of these nights now and nothing works. Offer of a nice cup of tea etc turned down and tea thrown away if made....too angry to do anything but put his trousers back over his PJs and demand his shoes so that he can 'go home'. 5 weeks ago we were nowhere near this stage. He was diagnosed four and a half years ago and was taken off Donepizil 5 weeks ago (lowered his blood pressure too much and he got dizzy). Now he is on nothing except 0.5 resperitone.....doesn't seem to be doing anything.
i had an emergency night sit from NHS 2 nights ago but it would presumably cost a mint to pay for one? Also I still felt I had to get up twice to reassure him as he was looking for me and finally gave up at 5am, so that is a mixed blessing....
Hi Suze
I've had some really bad nights recently with dad -calling me ten times a night at least once an hour and putting all clothes on in the wrong order at the wrong time of day and multiple times. I got him Antibiotics and today is day 3, I have had a peaceful night. I am wondering if it worth considering a UTI? Have you spoken to Dr?
I've had some really bad nights recently with dad -calling me ten times a night at least once an hour and putting all clothes on in the wrong order at the wrong time of day and multiple times. I got him Antibiotics and today is day 3, I have had a peaceful night. I am wondering if it worth considering a UTI? Have you spoken to Dr?
Hi Suze, I am sorry to hear you are going through this.
My husband is five years post diagnosis. He has a natural slow heart rate and so has never taken more than 5mg of donepezil as, like your husband, it could cause him to faint. I doubt the donepezil is doing much for him now but a decision was taken last year to keep him on the minimal amount because to remove him from it completely could play havoc with his mental well-being.
Having said that, he has also been taking memantine for four years alongside the donepezil. This is not standard practice under the NHS, you usually have donepezil for the earlier stages and memantine for the later stages. I have read on the forums over the years that memantine helps with behaviour/anger problems.
In my husband's case the anger problems did not start to manifest until last year, and while memantine may have helped hold back the development of agitation/anger issues, it certainly didn't stop it.
Like you, nights were becoming a particular problem - and if a carer can't sleep they aren't going to be much use in caring for others.
With both my husband's well-being, and mine, in mind, the doctors prescribed him a low dose of promethazine, which acts as a mild sedative. He does not have this every day - just as and when necessary, and it has been an absolute godsend for those occasions when he is angry and agitated. It helps him sleep well, and most of the time he wakes up, relaxed and happy, having forgotten the various delusions that got him all wound up in the first place.
Thanks to the occasional use of promethazine my husband is able to enjoy a relatively calm and happy life with regular outings to groups and clubs with me and day centre activities without me.
I find that a walk around the block in the late afternoon or evening helps use up surplus energy and keeps him relaxed and calm - but of course you would need to have your husband at a content and trusting state-of-mind first.
I would definitely advise making his consultant at the Memory Clinic and/or GP aware of what is happening so that they can consider what might work best for your husband and yourself.
My husband is five years post diagnosis. He has a natural slow heart rate and so has never taken more than 5mg of donepezil as, like your husband, it could cause him to faint. I doubt the donepezil is doing much for him now but a decision was taken last year to keep him on the minimal amount because to remove him from it completely could play havoc with his mental well-being.
Having said that, he has also been taking memantine for four years alongside the donepezil. This is not standard practice under the NHS, you usually have donepezil for the earlier stages and memantine for the later stages. I have read on the forums over the years that memantine helps with behaviour/anger problems.
In my husband's case the anger problems did not start to manifest until last year, and while memantine may have helped hold back the development of agitation/anger issues, it certainly didn't stop it.
Like you, nights were becoming a particular problem - and if a carer can't sleep they aren't going to be much use in caring for others.
With both my husband's well-being, and mine, in mind, the doctors prescribed him a low dose of promethazine, which acts as a mild sedative. He does not have this every day - just as and when necessary, and it has been an absolute godsend for those occasions when he is angry and agitated. It helps him sleep well, and most of the time he wakes up, relaxed and happy, having forgotten the various delusions that got him all wound up in the first place.
Thanks to the occasional use of promethazine my husband is able to enjoy a relatively calm and happy life with regular outings to groups and clubs with me and day centre activities without me.
I find that a walk around the block in the late afternoon or evening helps use up surplus energy and keeps him relaxed and calm - but of course you would need to have your husband at a content and trusting state-of-mind first.
I would definitely advise making his consultant at the Memory Clinic and/or GP aware of what is happening so that they can consider what might work best for your husband and yourself.
tried that
Thanks Selinacroft. He has just taken a last of a 7 day course of antibiotics for possible uti but clearly not that.....waiting for psychiatrist to phone me back...
Thanks Selinacroft. He has just taken a last of a 7 day course of antibiotics for possible uti but clearly not that.....waiting for psychiatrist to phone me back...
will ask psychiatrist
Thank you. They did talk poss small dose of sleeping tablet but then I think the getting up to the loo in the night will be even more impossible than now.
He cannot get in and out of bed on his own, nor stand properly at night.
In the space of 2 weeks he has lost the ability to walk much either...I am so shocked.
Thank you. They did talk poss small dose of sleeping tablet but then I think the getting up to the loo in the night will be even more impossible than now.
He cannot get in and out of bed on his own, nor stand properly at night.
In the space of 2 weeks he has lost the ability to walk much either...I am so shocked.
You may find that the inability to walk much or get in and out of bed is a sporadic problem.
Sometimes my husband is unable to sit up in order to get out of bed, sometimes he sits on the side of the bed but has forgotten how to stand up. I have days when he can barely walk a few metres and days when he seems to recover and can walk a fair distance (even though quite slowly).
Some days he sits or stands upright and other days he leans precariously to one side and is at risk of falling.
He also has sporadic problems when either sitting down on the loo or trying to get off it.
I do understand your concern, particularly overnight. I have to rush to be at my husband's side should he need to get up because he can be quite disoriented when waking up - and also quite wobbly on his feet (if he manages to stand).
There's never a day or night the same it seems
So sorry, it sounds far worse than mum's sleepless nights. She is not aggressive, just worried about her dog and that it is covered up properly. Usually all over by 1 or 2 a.m. I do give mum a small amount of her sleeping pill if I can see a sleepless night is ahead, this small amount means I cannot help her to the commode - fast asleep and so usually a very wet pad/pants and bed the next morning. Happening only one or two nights a week now.
Recently finished a course of anti biotics and for 7days she slept so well, but we did have constipation to deal with!
Recently finished a course of anti biotics and for 7days she slept so well, but we did have constipation to deal with!
You may find that the inability to walk much or get in and out of bed is a sporadic problem.
Sometimes my husband is unable to sit up in order to get out of bed, sometimes he sits on the side of the bed but has forgotten how to stand up. I have days when he can barely walk a few metres and days when he seems to recover and can walk a fair distance (even though quite slowly).
Some days he sits or stands upright and other days he leans precariously to one side and is at risk of falling.
He also has sporadic problems when either sitting down on the loo or trying to get off it.
I do understand your concern, particularly overnight. I have to rush to be at my husband's side should he need to get up because he can be quite disoriented when waking up - and also quite wobbly on his feet (if he manages to stand).
There's never a day or night the same it seems
feel really bad
Hi there
I have put my husband into a care home for 7 days to give me some respite but I feel as if my heart is breaking...cannot believe that he could go downhill so fast in 2 weeks -no uti found....grieving
x
You may find that the inability to walk much or get in and out of bed is a sporadic problem.
Sometimes my husband is unable to sit up in order to get out of bed, sometimes he sits on the side of the bed but has forgotten how to stand up. I have days when he can barely walk a few metres and days when he seems to recover and can walk a fair distance (even though quite slowly).
Some days he sits or stands upright and other days he leans precariously to one side and is at risk of falling.
He also has sporadic problems when either sitting down on the loo or trying to get off it.
I do understand your concern, particularly overnight. I have to rush to be at my husband's side should he need to get up because he can be quite disoriented when waking up - and also quite wobbly on his feet (if he manages to stand).
There's never a day or night the same it seems
Hi there
I have put my husband into a care home for 7 days to give me some respite but I feel as if my heart is breaking...cannot believe that he could go downhill so fast in 2 weeks -no uti found....grieving
x
