Help please, mum doesn't recognise her sister!

[Rosaerona]

Hello everyone, I hope this is the right place to post.

My mum who has dementia recently went to visit her sister, my Aunty liana (who has just lost her husband) and when she came back she said that she didn't know who the woman in aunty Liana's house was and was very distressed by not knowing where Liana was. DAd and I calmed her down eventually, and I hoped she might forget about it, but she keeps mentioning it and I just don't know what to do, she's never not recognised someone so close to her. I've tried distracting her whenever it comes up but she's somewhat obsessed by where liana is. I don't really want to get my aunt involved as she is still very fragile having just lost her husband. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do? I've found the whole thing very upsetting as her decline seems to be accelerating and I just want to protect her from harm or hurt. Sorry if this seems trivial but as I say it really upset me.

 

[marionq]

This is part and parcel of dementia. When my husband came back from daycentre today he thought I was his sister. He is now asking me where I live. We've been married 52 years. There is no point in getting upset. It is what it is.

I have given him some food and tea and then we'll go out for a walk and tomorrow I might be me again or possibly someone else altogether.

Just relax and help her relax.

 

[Trisha4]

Hello everyone, I hope this is the right place to post.

My mum who has dementia recently went to visit her sister, my Aunty liana (who has just lost her husband) and when she came back she said that she didn't know who the woman in aunty Liana's house was and was very distressed by not knowing where Liana was. DAd and I calmed her down eventually, and I hoped she might forget about it, but she keeps mentioning it and I just don't know what to do, she's never not recognised someone so close to her. I've tried distracting her whenever it comes up but she's somewhat obsessed by where liana is. I don't really want to get my aunt involved as she is still very fragile having just lost her husband. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do? I've found the whole thing very upsetting as her decline seems to be accelerating and I just want to protect her from harm or hurt. Sorry if this seems trivial but as I say it really upset me.

Hi. It isn't in the least trivial and only natural that you would be upset. It's so hard to accept decline even though we all know we have to.
Would it work to tell her Liana has phoned and she has gone to visit ...... for a few days but she's ok.
If she persists about the stranger in the house I'd be inclined to say she was just checking the house was ok if that would settle her anxiety.
Others may disagree. I know there's no point being logical when dealing with dementia.


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[lemonjuice]

Would it work to tell her Liana has phoned and she has gone to visit ...... for a few days but she's ok.
If she persists about the stranger in the house I'd be inclined to say she was just checking the house was ok if that would settle her anxiety.

I think this may well be a way to go and see if that satisfies your Mum.
Something on the lines of, 'Yes the stranger was the lady she'd got in to look after the house.'

If you're anything like me I never could get a handle on 'love lies' but your mother probably remembers her sister's appearance as it was years ago, so in fact your aunt was indeed 'absent' and she was indeed looking after the house.

 

[Rosettastone57]

Hi
Sadly as others have said this all part of the progression of her condition. My MIL has got to stage of sometimes not recognising my husband. She started by talking to him as if he was her husband long since died. My husband had to gently remind her who he is and even then she looked quite blank initially. It's hard for my husband but he has learnt to accept it .

 

[marionq]

We are now back from our walk which I hoped would distract my husband. In the course of it he said I was his daughter. I asked him to think again and he said I was my mother's daughter but that he thought of me as a daughter. We carried on walking, looking at Wild garlic, bluebells, birds etc. I asked as we got back near to our house and he said "You're my wife of course".

That is why this is so hard to deal with. It doesn't follow a pattern. I would like to think he has calmed down and back to what passes for normal but who knows.

 

[Rosaerona]

Thank you for your replies, I will try out your suggestion about the lady being someone checking the house. She's been a bit more calm since the visit and I'm hoping she will forget about it and when she next speaks to her sister she'll be ok at recognising her, for some resaon a still recognises her voice on the phone. I guess she is remembering her when they were younger not now.